"Measuring programming progress by lines of code is like measuring aircraft building progress by weight." - Bill Gates

If Operating Systems Ran The Airlines

UNIX Airways
Everyone brings one piece of the plane along when they come to the airport. They all go out on the runway and put the plane together piece by piece, arguing non-stop about what kind of plane they are supposed to be building.

Air DOS

Everybody pushes the airplane until it glides, then they jump on and let the plane coast until it hits the ground again. Then they push again, jump on again, and so on ...

Mac Airlines

All the stewards, captains, baggage handlers, and ticket agents look and act exactly the same. Every time you ask questions about details, you are gently but firmly told that you don't need to know, don't want to know, and everything will be done for you without your ever having to know, so just shut up.

Windows Air

The terminal is pretty and colorful, with friendly stewards, easy baggage check and boarding, and a smooth take-off. After about 10 minutes in the air, the plane explodes with no warning whatsoever.

Windows NT Air

Just like Windows Air, but costs more, uses much bigger planes, and takes out all the other aircraft within a 40-mile radius when it explodes.

Linux Air

Disgruntled employees of all the other OS airlines decide to start their own airline. They build the planes, ticket counters, and pave the runways themselves. They charge a small fee to cover the cost of printing the ticket, but you can also download and print the ticket yourself. When you board the plane, you are given a seat, four bolts, a wrench and a copy of the Seat-HOWTO.html. Once settled, the fully adjustable seat is very comfortable, the plane leaves and arrives on time without a single problem, the in-flight meal is wonderful. You try to tell customers of the other airlines about the great trip, but all they can say is, "You had to do what with the seat?"

Would you like to smile for 10 seconds? Read this short story:
*Story begins*
During World War II, numerous fighter planes were getting hit by anti-aircraft guns. Air Force officers wanted to add some protective armour/shield to the planes.
The question was "where"?
The planes could only support few more kilos of weight. Mathematicians were called for a short consulting project.
Fighter planes returning from missions were analysed for bullet holes per square foot.
They found 1.93 bullet holes/sq. foot near the tail of planes whereas only 1.11 bullet holes/sq. foot close to the engine.
The officers thought that since the tail portion had the greatest density of bullets, it would be the logical location for putting an anti-bullet shield.
A mathematician said exactly the opposite; more protection is needed where the bullet holes aren't - that is -around the engines.
His judgement surprised everyone. He said "He said We are counting the planes that returned from a mission. Planes with lots of bullet holes in the engine did not return at all".

Moral: Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted, counts.

Source: From the book -
"How Not To Be Wrong", by Jordan Ellenberg.

The coolest project I've worked on was for a certain country's Navy. The project itself was cool and I'll talk about it below but first, even cooler than the project was the place were I worked on it.

I would go to this island off the coast where the navy had its armoury. Then to get into the armoury I'd go through this huge tunnel excavated in solid rock.

Finally, once inside I would have to go thru the thickest metal doors you've ever seen to get to crypto room, which was a tiny room with a bunch of really old men - cryptographers - scribbling math formulae all day long.

I can't give a lot of technical details on the project for security reasons but basically it was a bootable CD with a custom Linux distro on it. Upon booting up the system would connect to the Internet looking for other nodes (other systems booted with that CD). The systems would find each other and essentially create an ad-hoc "dark net".

The scenario was that some foreign force would have occupied the country and either destroyed or taken control of the Navy systems. In this case, some key people would boot these CDs in some PC somewhere not under foreign control (and off the navy grounds.) This would supposedly allow them to establish secure communications between surviving officers. There is a lot more to it but that's a good harmless outline.

As a bonus, I got to tour an active aircraft carrier :)

Measuring programming progress by lines of code is like measuring aircraft building progress by weight.

A2035/17 NOTAMN

Q) RKRR/QRPCA/IV/NBO/W/000/100/3535N12700E999

A) RKRR B) 1711160405 C) 1711160440

E) TEMPO PROHIBITED AREA ACT DUE TO NOISE ABATEMENT FOR COLLEGE

SCHOLASTIC ABILITY TEST(CSAT)

-----------------------------------

Anyone arriving to South Korea by aircraft between 13:10 and 13:40, all departures and arrivals will be delayed 30~60 mins.

Almost there...
Gonna make landing gear and the rest tomorrow.
WDYT?

Another oldie - apologies if it has been done before.
So there were these two developers in a light aircraft looking to land, but they were completely fog bound and had no clue where they were (I said it was an oldie - no GPS).
So they flew around for a while, getting lower and lower hoping to see a landmark, when they flew past this office building.
As they went by, they saw a single light on in one of the windows, so they flew around again and attracted the guy's attention.
On the next loop around, the pilot shouted "WHERE ARE WE?"
Then on the next loop around, the guy in the office shouted back "YOU'RE IN AN AIRPLANE".
They looped around again, and the pilot shouted "THANKS!" and set course south west for 15 miles and made a perfect touchdown at Seattle airport.
Hi passenger looked at him and said "How did you do that??"
He said "Quite simple really. I asked that guy a perfectly reasonable question, and got an answer that was 100% correct, but totally useless, so I deduced that must be Microsoft, and I knew that the airport is 15 miles to the south west"

Would you trust an aircraft autopilot written in Java, or would you prefer C++?

"I walked into this room full of law enforcement officers and said "' Do you guys recognize any of these names ?"' I read of a list of the names, one federal officers explained "' Those are the judges in the U.S. District Court in Seattle."' And I said "' Well, I have a passed file with 26 passwords cracked ."' Those federal officers about turned green."
Don Boelling, Boeing Aircraft

That moment when you realize you spend more money on the non-main hobbies (aircraft shit, coffee, shooting at the shooting range) than on your main passion (programming and tech shit) :^)

So I'm looking at getting a drone to do some videography for commercial purposes. I've been researching all the FAA regulations, dos and don'ts, tips for flying, videography, etc. My finger is hovering over the "buy now" button on BestBuy.com.

But, there's an exam you have to take to certify to fly for commercial purposes that, I thought, was supposed to test you on the Part 107 regulations. I pull up a list of sample test questions from the FAA's own website and it has questions on it that, for all intents and purposes, apply only to MANned aircraft, not UNmanned aircraft. Crap like "What airport is located approximately 47 (degrees) 40 (minutes) N latitude and 101 (degrees) 26 (minutes) W longitude?"

And I'm sitting here like, "WTF! I don't live anywhere near there! I just want to take pictures of some friggin trees and houses in my metro area!"

"Welcome to the FAA website, where we're not happy until you're not happy."

Played almost every flight simulator out there, always wanted to be a fighter pilot, I used to play for hours and learn about each aircraft from internet. Novalogic's MiG-29 fulcrum was my favourite as it was realistic as hell, real radars , flight controls and cobra manoeuvres, tactical landings made the sim real fun. Sadly was not eligible for Air force and commercial pilot exams due to health issues.

wk89 the first game I played was a fighter plane simulation game. 3D, very realistic at that time. Maybe around 2006. I just don't know the name of the game since I was a kid. The aircraft might be F-22. Anyone knows the name of the game?

Before he began dropping the 20K proposed to remodel my flat, I told my father I much preferred a contractor who was recommended by someone I knew, as opposed to using a big corporation like Home Depot. FAMOUS LAST... a neighbour in my building highly recommended the contractor we chose. And, week 7 [or is it 8?] of what was proposed to take no longer than two weeks has begun afresh!
On Friday the fellow who is the owner of the contract remodeling company was here touching the paint. He was here because I forbade the two painters he sent to do the initial painting job.
My internet cut out suddenly around 1300 Friday. He set to leave for the weekend shortly after that. I mentioned the outage to him. The essence of his reply was that there was no way it could have had anything to do with him. The following day, my internet provider sent a tech out to diagnose the problem. What was the problem? The head of the remodeling firm removed a face plate from the wall where there were telephone wires and disconnect them when he tore the wires as he replaced the face plate.
Although the tech told me he wasn't going to charge my account the $85.00 fee for his services because the outage was caused within my flat, I wish to be sure of this. Which brings us to the punchline.
My internet provider is a lame ass business model, dreamed up by a squint-eyed ex-circus monkey, never well endowed in the top story, and now just plain sad.
There were some 911 outages in Washington State last Thursday night. All during the day Friday when you dialled their freephone #. the recorded announcement, before saying anything else, told you they were experiencing heavier than usual call volumes, and my wait would be greater than `10 minutes. Fine. What fried my La Croix silk was that after their customer service dept closed for the weekend, that outgoing message remained.
Today, I wanted to contact my provider to see if they would know if the $ was going to be charged to my account. After pressing the 'send' key, my computer came back with an error message, saying they were having technical difficulties. So, I went on over to the 'chat' page. There's nothing to click on to take me to this enfabled location. So, can't reach them by phone unless I want to hear, every 30 seconds whether or not I wish to, how sorry they are for my delay.
A few years ago I would've used this as an excuse to have a technicolour meltdown. The reason I'm posting this is that I am now able to see beforehand what I'll be doing to myself getting upset over the circumstances. When I do reach somebody, I'm going to tell them as lightly as possible, that if they were an airline, I wouldn't board any of their aircraft. Ever.

I see DIY aircraft videos on YouTube every now and then. All of them are from Africa. People are building poorly designed, dangerous planes that don't fly (surprise, isn't it?). I get that they have very limited resources, but what bugs me is… why not just implement WWI-era designs? They require no exotic materials (essentially wood, sheet metal and canvas), can be built relatively easily, and they are literally battle-tested. They _will_ fly. I get that for those people flight is a dream, but why skip the quickest, cheapest and safest way to achieve that dream?