Had 2 days of vacation. Theoretically (plus weekend, plus 2 days) 6 days.

Worked today… At Saturday.

Some administrators forgot to properly check bandwidth limitations....

*rolls eyes*

We had a major version upgrade of some server software at Monday.

Guess why I got called...

Of course it MUST be the software upgrade.

It couldn't be the new hardware that was setup 2 weeks ago and on which a lot of "important" VMs were migrated.

*eyes roll inside till only white is visible*

The even more annoying thing is that it wasn't that hard to figure out.

Looking at monitoring, we had spikes on 20 Gbit/s (roughly 2.x Gigabyte/sec - Ethernet) connection of some server at roughly 1.9 plus Gigabyte/sec.

IO latency spikes that made the graph look like a heartbeat EKG with severe tachycardia...

*additionally to white eyes starts cursing in reverse latin*

Incompetent admin answer: Booboo that can only be your fault - the developers must investigate.

Me (just a tad more polite): Meep Meep mother fucker, get your shit together. If the software would eat that much, the network would be a niece chunk of charcoal. Plus the time (sending instead of links to monitoring pictures… guess the lazy fucktard who's brain is a vacuum didn't even bother to check it)...

NOTICE SOMETHING?!

Incompetent admin: It starts at the same time. Always.

After wasting roughly another hour of time discussing with him, I just hanged up the video call.

Called someone I knew from the admin department and turns out that - drumrolls please - the incompetent admin was someone who got recruited 3 months ago…

*turning into antichrist*

I then had a not so polite discussion about how the only competent people could take days off (all except incompetent admin were on vacation) and the seemingly incompetent fresh recruit - who by the way NEVER mentioned this - was the only one left of the admin department. Which would be bad alone, but no - he even got the 24/7 emergency support role for the whole weekend.

Sometimes this company and HR especially notoriously drive me insane...

Guess next week there will be some HR barbecue.

But yeah. After a lot of raging around we nailed it down to the traffic of backups and could fix it.

Roughly 4 hours of analysis, communication, raging and hatred.

Just one hour implementing shit.

*goozfraba*

What a lazy fuck.

This so called full-stack developer doesn't know how to use mysql from command line. The only way he can do anything in the database is using phpMyAdmin or MySQL gui.

What? How do you even call yourself a developer when you don't know how to use basic command line tools?

The fucker wants me to find out why a particular feature is not working?

Why the fuck are you being paid for? You stupid idiot.

"Can you please grep ... in the server?"

What? Why would I do that for you? How about you ssh the server yourself?

What a waste of time.

Fuck uninspired jr devs that are simply collecting a pay check.

I have been handed a project that a jr dev was allowed to wallow on for over two fucking years. This lazy mother fucker managed to create 5 functions, a whole fucking mess of bullshit that I now have to straighten out on top of the 8 other things that I have to deliver on in the next month.

They never followed requirements. Not-a-one. The API is fully broken. The DB schema is BEYOND fucked. There's ZERO validation/sanitation on I/O. The deployments only work half the fucking time. Their code is so spaghetti I'm getting triggered from when I worked at Olive Garden with Eminem. But hey, at least they were able to demo it to the client to say "it works".

I don't condone violence, but every time I find malformed if statements, linter exceptions, broken deploy configurations in this project -- I just want to kick them in their stupid fucking face.

Wherever you ended up you piece of shit, I hope your dreams of becoming a rich asshole only bring you unending despair. I believe you can make it though, because you're already halfway there.

Im getting tired of this fucking scrum team.

First of all let me introduce our backend team which takes 3 weeks to add one fucking column to database and in the end turns out they fucked up RabbitMQ RPC implementation so the column is not syncing with our app at all so now we have to wait 2 extra weeks until that will be working. Best part is that backend fucker who fucked up doesnt even feel like hes blocking a feature and would rather sit for extra few days and do nothing until he gets reassigned his pile of shit back to him than clean up his own shit.

Then we have business analytic who doesnt know how to define tasks properly so I have to record each grooming meeting so I would know what to fucking implement because he doesnt even bother to take proper notes. Which results in not fully defined tasks, which results in unexpected behaviours and MR's stuck in limbo for weeks.

Also lets not forget QA guy who doesnt even bother writing scenarios, I as an app dev have to write them myself just to be sure that fucker will test everything thoroughly.

Then we have fucking devs from consultancy agency who apparently have 6 years of experience (I have barely 2) and these fuckers are spamming me daily with the most basic questions. After each grooming they rush to assign themselves tasks which are not even defined properly yet and not even in this sprint, but fuckers are lazy so thy want to reserve easier tasks for themselves. Pathetic.

At least I have a decent senior on my team, but sometimes he patronizes me so much that I start asking me what I am doing in this team.

Fuck this shit, I asked for a 43% raise and if Im not getting it in 2-3 weeks im outta here. Fuckers.

What the FUCK is wrong with people!!!??
If you need to use !important in your CSS.... STOP and just don't.

It should be very clear that if the need arises to use !important then you are either really shit at CSS and don't understand the concept or you are a lazy mother fucker.

I'm so fucking sick of dealing with other so called "developers" shit code and have to spend time I don't have fixing their shit.

There is absolutely no reason to use
!important and to anyone that thinks to be a smartarse and let me know of their shit reasons... just don't because there aren't any.

Microsoft Market:
"You tried a wrong password too many times"
(I know fucker, I made a fucking mistake because I had to restart the pc 20 fucking times already, I've got confused, you pc-fucker)
"The activity is temporarily suspended, try later"

LATER? WHEN? I need to work you moron. Just give me a number!!! 10 minutes? 10 hours? days?
Work on improving security, lazy sod, not on slowing my job.

PS As soon as I can I'll change the password in "ImpotentCrackWhoreFucker8==0-)"

Someone should make a movie about three ghosts that haunt a BLOODY CROOK who makes his employees and coworkers burn the midnight oil in the bloody CHISTMAS EVE because the fucker haven't finished something that should have been ready TWO FUCKING WEEKS AGO.
The ghost of Christmas past shows the fucker that he was a bloody LAZY KID who made his elderly relatives cook, host, clean, wash the dishes and everything else all by themselves during family-gathering season.
The ghost of Christmas present shows him his employees' children teary eyed that daddy doesn't get to watch cartoons with them before bedtime (we're not Christians but just because my house is a steak-free zone it doesn't mean my kids don't expect gifts from santa, like most kids in their school!)
The ghost of Christmas future shows a Netflix documentary on how the fucker got arrested for being a BLOODY CROOK that gets played by some actor who is a hollywood-level jerk who beats his wife. And the show gets a 3% on rotten tomatoes, just to salt the wound. Oh, and a voiceover says the real BLOODY CROOK hanged himself in prison or something and his family is happy he did it.

Fuck, I hate, for real hate, people whose tardiness bleeds out on honestly-working people. I had to wake up one of my devs to fix the SHIT that the bloody crook higher-up shat on us.
My guy is getting a raise as soon as I can scream at the bean counters and my boss will be getting some loooooong, data-rich report on how the bloody crook's department is pissing in our soup.
Fuck everything.

Question for iOS users (not that I'm looking into an iPhone, just curious)
What is the general state on app notifications? Because I've just about had it with the absolute fucking torrent of notifications whenever you install some random app on Android.

You install some random exercise app and the next day it will say "so did you get your exercise you lazy fucker?".
You install some random food recipe app and it immediately tells you to get your luncheon going with over a billion recipes (and probably all bad)

Story of my life in the office

I work my ass off and get the job done, almost 4 to 5 hours before my shift ends. And then I casually sit with other colleagues and chat a bit.
And my boss comes in and says you have no work ethics and are lazy.

And i'm like you fucker I got my job done, why can't you see that. I doesn't mean that my job is easy if I get it done before time. I just means that i'm more fucking efficient then the other employees.While the other employees were gossiping, I was on my desk working. Why can't that fucker see that.

Not to mention as I get my job done before time, I get burdened with other people's work, coz apparently they are overloaded with work.
Fucking idiocracy.

I'd like to call out the creator of "noise-gate" for connecting a dynamics compressor to a biquad, configuring them with some arbitrary constants and sharing this marvelous piece of engineering on NPM.

So I was building opencv some time back.
Nice enough package, like most python linked packages I'm finding though I know you can use it via c and its meant to be but why would you want to ? .. it contains a whole bunch of half finished crap that is actually useful in part including the capacity to tear apart video files and manipulate frames one at a time and then rewrite them back to a file. about the only lib that's easy to use that I saw that does that. hell I can even compose my own video frames. also the only other lib I saw that does that thus far.

so...

I post a bug, because of FUCKING CMAKE NOT WORKING. not conforming with the well thought out build environment that most GNU style c packages use.

you know like when you need an upstream source package to build the code, or a downgraded package to build the code and don't want to fuck up your host environment so you have to specify a bunch of lib paths and the like so that ld and gcc work correctly etc etc etc from your custom build location and so you can later use these same values to find the compiled lib and build software against it.

fucker closes my ticket saying i hijacked the c environment................

no.

its because cmake sucks.

they're using and i don't know why a module specifically written to find libtiff.

specifically written but doesn't find the only source on my system that provides tiff which my env variables point directly to !!!!

lazy fucking cocksuckers !

I want to code a solution this issue.
something that translates ac files and am files and cmakelists into something intelligent and easy to follow that doesn't sacrifice the flexibility of make and gnu shit and unfucks cmake based projects !