Hello, mister Boss man. If you'd please stop referring to me and my colleges as "resources". K, thx.

Fuck the imperial system. For centuries everyone used meters and kilograms to measure shit so why the FUCK did the U.S decide to use pounds and inches. Like i see most articles and videos comfortably using the metric system, EVERYTHING uses the metric system. then i stumble on an idiot who makes me go to a converter so I can understand his pound-inch-based lingo. FUCK YOU

Not sure if it was the missing spaces in the title, the text lingo and bad grammar in the description, or the clickbait-style graphic but I AM SOLD.

SMM: Can you chat over the phone? Just want to make sure we are on the same page! I am not great with web lingo!

Me: Sure.

Me, internally: You're a social media manager. That's literally your one fucking job.

The Cloud Of Bullshit

Every day I wake, and I think of my one true mission in life. To mock and ridicule paint huffing idiots. Something recently that drew my ire, like the hemorrhoids on my ass is this idea of 'the cloud', THE CLOUD and the buzzword lingo-bingo bullshit that providers use to hype and sell it.

For example, airtable is an amazing service. I love that I can insert just about anything into a row, create any of my own row datatypes, that it's flexible as all hell.

I love it.

And I hate that I'm essentially locked in to the cloud.
I fucking hate how if my internet goes down (thanks you pie eating inbred dipshits at comcast) I have no access.
If the company is bought, they'll shut down like all the rest , to be "relaunched at a later time" (or never).
I hate that if the company doesn't make enough money, or it's investors change their mind, woopsie, service is shut down.
I hate that the cloud is synonymous with massive data leaks and IOT-levels of stupidity in security practices.

Every time someone says "but its in the cloud! Isn't it amazing!"

I always think 1. YEAH IF IM AN INVESTOR I GET TO MILK LOW BROW FINGER PAINTING FUCKWITS EVERY MONTH like Adobe sucking the blood from infants who are still in college.

2. Why? So I can get locked into their platform, have them segment off previously free features (fucking youtube and the 'subscribe so you can continue playing audio with your screen off' bullshit), and then have fees increase month over month?

3. Why, so every four years during the presidential selection, if I piss off some fuckstick braindead lemming literally sucking his girlfriends BFs cock, they can potentially shut me out from my own data completely?

The Cloud is built on shit-colored hype sold to knob gobbling idiots, controlling idiots, profiting at the expense of idiots, and later fucking them for buyout payola. The Cloud is a Cloud of Bullshit shat out by huckster messiahs straight into the lapping mouths of fanatics worshiping slavishly like toilet drinking scum at the porcelain alter of a neon god, invisible, untouchable, and like a spigot, easily shut off without anyone noticing. And when it happens, I'll be there, shouting "WHERE IS YOUR CLOUD NOW?"

Native any day. 100% native or I don't fucking want it
None of this node.js-gone-native bullshit either with notetaking apps taking up hundreds of megabytes of ram, where everything is bootstrap or react, in a browser, in a window container, because people are so fucking incompetent we have to hold their hand WHILE they give themselves a reach around.

Native or nothing.

For my favorite notetaking app, I use Microsoft OneNote. "OH god, a heathen, quick, stick his body up on a stake!"

But hear me out. I'll be the first one in a crowd to kick bill gates in the nuts (not because I particularly hate microsoft, just because I think hes kind of a cunt).

So when I say onenote is good, I really fucking mean it. Sure they did some cunty things like 'dumbed down' the interface, and cut out some options. But you know what they can't do?
Shut down the damn service (short of a system update completely removing the whole app, which, frankly, wouldn't surprise me).

It's so god damn good it waxed my balls, cured my cancer, fixed my relationship with my father, found my long lost brother, and replaced ALL my irl notebooks.

It's so good that if it was cocaine I'd be hospitalized for overusing it.

So god damn good it didn't just replace all my notebooks, it even replaced and sped up my mockup process three to five times. Want layers?

Built in. Just drag an image on to the notebook to import instantly.

Want to rearrange layers? Right click select "send forward/back/bring to front/send to back".

Everything snaps to grid by default and is easily resizeable.

I had all the elements for a UI sliced and diced. Wanted to try a bunch of layouts. Was gonna take me two damn days.

Did it in three hours with the notebook features of onenote.

After I started using onenote, me and my bodypillow finally conceived even.

Sweet marries mammaries I just fucking jizzed. Thank you onenote.

P.s. It really did speed up my UI design, allows annotated images, highlighted text. Shit, it can even do kanban.

And all I can think is "good job microsoft making an awesome product for free, being dumb as fuck for not charging for it, and then not marketing it at ALL."

It was sheer fucking luck that I discovered it while was I was looking for vendor STD bloatware to blast off my new install.

OneNote: Worth a try even for the kick-gates-in-the-nuts fan club.

The cloud can suck my balls.

Why do clients always try to use our lingo? They sound stupid. I read a post yesterday that said "no coding necessary. Just HTML and CSS" . Um. What? I also have a client that always tells me "I just need you to make some updates to the CSS with programming" . 😐🔫

Love the topic, and I have multiple.

We were designing a frontend for a new application and we were using University lingo for the text placeholders. I forgot to remove one section in which the text stated "You are looking to enroll in the University of Deez Nuts", on another section I left "Click here cuh". Our manager at the time liked the design so much, but forgot to check for spelling or texts and as such sent the demo to our entire department. Everyone saw it, and while they all found it funny it could have seriously gone wrong. Thankfully our department VP had a pretty good sense of humor.....dude also knew exactly who it was from the start.

On another application, a director, who is a friend, asked for multiple items on a request form, during testing, I added text in Spanish (I am in Texas, but Spanish is pretty well known and spoken in the state) saying "Que bien chinga <Name of the Director>" which roughly translates to "<Name of the Director> is being annoyong" (but in a very Mexican spanish way)
I neglected to consider that the dude was probably viewing the admin board and checking the items as they were being added to the system and he called me not even 3 minutes later saying "You know I can see what you add right??"

All in all, I was pretty lucky because in any other places I would have been severely reprimanded :P

There are many more, but these came at the top of my head as the better ones.

Woo! My first Vulkan window that does buffer swapping (swapchain image presenting in vulkan lingo). It doesn't draw anything yet and still took me 3 days lol

Note that if you try to resize it or minimize it or do basically anything with it the whole application crashes but still

This app seems to be mostly web developers so I have a question that will either spark interesting discussion or a blood curdling flame war. Either way:

I'm trying to build a blog site for myself. I'm not a web developer, for the most part I write C software, but I have written web software before. I want to write it, not use a CMS. What are some techniques and tools I should be aware of, so I don't break my keyboard in frustration?

I conducted my first "technical" interview today. Let's just say the chap needs to brush up on his terminology...

Q: What's a class and an object? And what's the difference between each?
A: Ummm... Errr... The one holds static information and the other can change its values.

OK, in his defence, he was nervous and English isn't his first language either, but then brush up on your terminology at the very least so that you can speak the lingo when asked questions about programming.

Has anyone else worked in business environments and found... em.. "wannabe-tech decisions?"

For example, naming stuff with shortened words and underscores instead of spaces.... for no real reason? Or maybe using the word "database" a little too often, just to use the word? (similar to the way you might call someone by name, only to confirm to them that you have learned their name?)

It doesn't actually bother me, rather, I think it's a bit cute that these people are interested in our culture and want to be a part of it, even if it's in sort of silly ways like this.

You know how people are making fun of duo lingo birb getting’ all in your business about learning new language & not missing out on your daily exercises?

Well, our jira just upped the ante.. Boss asks why task xy is assigned to him.. um dunno?! I go check activity, as I don't even remember doing anything with that task recently..

All the dates, 'just now' remarks etc. on activity tab are in Russian.. WTF jira?!
ты пытаешься мне что-то сказать?

Typo Checker: "unsubmitted" is not a word
Me: Really?

Me: Opens google...
Me: Starts typing... UN... SUB..
Google: Unsubmitted is not a word!
Me: (☉_☉)

TL;DR: Computers and I go way back, but I don't know how I ended up as a dev - and am still not certain that's what I want to do for the rest of my life.

Rewind to the early 80's. My friends at the time got the Comodore 64 one after the other. I never got one. Heck, we didn't even have a color TV back then. Only a 12/14" small B&W TV. It's easy to conclude that I spent a lot of time at my friends'.

Back then it mostly was about the games. And, living in the rural countryside, the only way to aquire games was to pirate them. Pirating was big. Cassette tape swapping and floppy disk swapping was a big deal, and gamers contacted eachother via classifieds sections in newspapers and magazines. It was crazy.

Anyways. The thing about pirated games back then is that they often got a cracktro, trainer, intro or whatever you want to call them - made by the people who pirated the game. And I found them awesome. Sinus scrollers, 3D text, cool SID-tunes and whatnot. I was hooked.

My best friend and I eventually got tired of just gaming. We found Shoot'Em-Up Construction Kit, which was an easy point-and-click way to create our first little game. We looked into BASIC a bit. And we found a book at the library about C64 programming. It contained source code to create your own assembler, so we started on that. I never completed it, but my friend did.

Fast forward through some epic failure using an Amstrad CPC, an old 486 and hello mid 90's. My first Pentium, my first modem and hello Internet! I instantly fell in love with the Internet and the web. I was still in school, and had planned to enter the creative advertising business. Little did I know about the impact the web would have on the world.

I coded web pages for fun for some years. My first job was as a multimedia designer, and I eventually had to learn Lingo (Macromedia Director, anyone?) And Actionscript.

Now I haven't touched Flash for about 7 years. My experience has evolved back to pure web development. I'm not sure if that's where I will be in the future. I've learned that I certainly don't know how to do everything I want to do - but I have aquired the mindset to identify the tasks and find solutions to the problem.

I never had any affiliation with the pirate scene or the demo scene. But I still get a little tingling whenever I see one of those sinus scrollers.

The internet has interesting quirks.
If someone offers me something for "FREE", I immediately close the tab. On the other hand if it's for "free", I might consider it.

I don't know why marketers think "FREE" works on customers.

A meeting to discuss synergy and other business fluff lingo.

Lots of worst meetings where they need someone to "translate the lingo" (ie "dumb down") the techie talk so that they can understand what's it all about. And they end up either having their ego hurt because I dumbed it down too much or they still didn't get it because I dumbed it down too little.

That moment when you are so impressed about someone or something and interested and want to talk about it but you dont know how to even string two sentances about it even after you just spoke to someone that got you interested in it.

Time to spend a few hours getting the lingo down but in short, using python to make a FE to allow users to create a Hermes config file that will be used on Kubernetes to set up clusters of servers on aws to run their version of our platform. My mind is so rekt and i thank the Devops guys for this needed break from the FE where i normally reside. I love working with people that are not only good but enjoy what they do. They make me a better developer myself 👏

This is one of the many vast reasons i love what i do and having a place to share with more like-minded induviduals like yourself, im grateful.

Thabks for reading and hope you have or had a great day. Keep up the good work all and stay focused 👌

Learned some BASIC using C64 and Amstrad CPC back in the days, mostly from reading computer magazines and books. Then fast forward a gazillion years, and replace Basic with HTML, Lingo, Actionscript and eventually PHP, JS, CSS. Thank you, Google.

All the abbreviations. People from Head quarters specifically, they start talking in lingo, in a global conference call, terms & language which is strictly internal to the group, and that too in abbreviated form. Some day i am going to get berserk on these folks. Fun starts when two different groups have same abbreviation for different things.

Okay soo I’m not a database guy.. I’m an embedded engineer but I’m helping one of my interns make a hardware tracking database... so we are tracking assembled products (dev samples).. but also tracking the pcbs within the product.. depending on the product it might have more than one pcb or contain other components to track.

The question is how would I set up the relationship in the tables, so depending on the say “type id” of the product it would link to a table full of feilds specfic to that “type”.. say the product is of type phone and has a pcb of this and a camera of that.. blah blah blah.... but say another product is of type “washing machine”.. which has no screen, it has a different pcb, but also has other things..

There would be a type table .. washing machine, phone, tv, camera, pcb, ecu.. etc.. but those type would need their own tables...

I guess the question is how to relate a field to different tables depending on the value of the field... is this portion all done thru query results and logic rather than pure data base schemas?

What would be the question in terms of database lingo to google search the answer lol

As an art guy trying to learn how to code , I’m blown away on how antiquated the entire process is. Not knowing anything about code I can expertly say that there should be a better way to program. It hasn’t changed much since I used BASIC. Is this the best you can do? Typing line after line of rubbish lingo that only code bros know. Why not invent a smart version of scratch? What a waste.