Picking up my kid in kindergarten, they asked if I had time to help fix the manager's computer. Internet wasn't working, at had been on the phone with support for 4 hours. I accepted the challenge, open prompt and typed "ipconfig /renew". Done. I walked out a rockstar.

Users are smarter than you think :)

Headphones ON ears means DON'T disturb unless it's important.

Talking about the chance of rain is not f*ing important. Especially when it's the 10th effin time I'm interrupted by nonsense officetalk in one hour!

Great day! Resigned my job, signed my new job AND the stickers arrived! Thanks a bunch for making my day even greater than it was :) @dfox

Not an office prank, but still makes me laugh..

When my oldest daughter was about 8 months, she loved slapping the keyboard on my wife's laptop. More times than I can count with my hands I received a phone call from her asking how to rotate the screen back from upside-down.

Pwned by a baby

Have people using React actually read the license agreement? Basically, if Facebook want your app, they can develop a similar, and revoke your license to React...

Going through code left by a senior developer who quit.. Dated 2015..

public static T IfThenElse<T>(bool isTrue, T ifYes, T ifNo)
{
if(isTrue) { return ifNo ; }
else if(!isTrue) { return ifNo ;}
Debugger.Break();
throw new Exception("") ;
}
.....
There was a unit test for it well
....
............. Wow, just wow

Assigned to a new project team..

Using git, in a creative way. So.. "master" is "dev" branch, usually. Everyone can push their branch to dev server .. so it's "dynamic for us". Production branch is whatever, as long as the branch has the release version. Sometimes, the release comes from "master".. that mean "dev" in normal geek..

That's just Git. The source code is a saturated spagetti of Entity framework and Caliburn. It is littered with antipatterns, especially basebean. Holy Christmas and Easter that baseclass do a lot of stuff that has no place as a base class ..

Fucking frameworks, I'm gonna start to evangelize frameworks as the no1 antipattern.

MS SQL as the main DB, but is dumped to json FILES through a scheduled task to increase read performance on web.

There is a soap endpoint to expose the json files, fml..

I am assuming I was placed here to improve stuff, I have never in my life seen anything like this before.

There is a special place in hell for this repository

Dear recruiter.. When calling me, better know what fucking city I live in before wasting my time..

I went on vacation in Norway. And it's mandatory to visit viking ship museum if you are in Oslo. At the of the exhibition I came to souvenir shop. AND WHAT I SAW WAS MAGNIFICENT!
There was whole army of ruber duck vikings.
I thought of buying one but I didn't have a heart to replace my police officer McDucky.

#prank

New guy on the team, learning WPF.
He forgot to lock his computer when fetching coffee. I added a transform group in the main window and checked it in to Git. Locked the computer.

He comes back, furious at his computer for turning the application upside down.

Next two hours he was rebooting, flipping the screen, stressing, googling until I finally had to confess.

He uttered a strange sound of short burst of laughter concealed in a relief of not going insane.

It was a good day.
His pull request was rejected.

As a consultant, you get tasked with a variety of stuff. Last few weeks been struggling to maintain an old C++ application that was written by a complete tool of an a$$hole with zero knowledge on how to write maintainable and production quality code. It would hardly run without a crash. First it was a challenge I had to accept, but as I stabilized the code and just fell over even more traps, I had to admit defeat and review my approach.

Rewrite is something I would choose last, but this one ticked all the marks worthy of a rewrite. So, the customer is a very friendly researcher and gladly spent 15 hours with me explaining all the math and concepts - just a delight for a programmer to have such a customer. Two days in, with a DDD approach - a functional, more precise, faster and stable application.

Sometimes there is no rant to share, it's rare to have that perfect communication with a customer that is so dedicated that he spends so much time teaching you his speciality and actually understand your approach. DDD was really a lifesaver here, by using it's key concepts and ubiquitous language. The program is essentially 8000 lines of math, but wrapping it up with value objects and strong domain models made me understand his domain and him mine. It also allowed me to parallelize the computations, giving me a huge performance boost. Textbook approach, there will not be many like this!

What is with the +1 chasing in here? Votes should be given for good rants and comments, not to climb the count-ladder if that somehow would make you elite community member. Posting a picture you found elsewhere just to earn free stickers or a stress ball, and pollute the incentive the swag were meant for originally.

Stop mass +1'ing some random guys every comment, and earn the votes by contributing with stories, lessons learned, proper rants and supportive comments.

Sunday afternoon extra work..
New guy: what do you do?
Me: backend, mainly
New guy: c#?
Me: yeah, but not just..
New guy: so you're good at it?
Me: I'm a fucking proctologist

Awkward silence, followed by nerdy giggling

The last software I worked on in my previous company (a few months back), was a temporary replacement because they were switching techs. It was meant to be replaced within 2 years.

So, before I left, I added a kill. 2 years and 2 months into the future. First it spams the devs with emails "how is the tech upgrade going?" with no further clues. 6 months later it will start throwing random exceptions at random intervals. 6 months after that it just terminates the application immediately upon startup. Snuck it in between large commits, and since they stopped code reviews when I left, doubt they found it.

There is a setting in configuration with an obscure name to disable it all.

I marked the dates in my calendar. Would love to be a fly on the wall then.

Full stack developer.

I know what it's supposed to mean, but I feel like it gives discredit to the devs who perfect their area (frontend, backend, db, infrastructure). It's, to me, like calling myself a chef because I can cook dinner..

The depth, analysis and customization of the domain to shape an api to a website is never appreciated. The finicle tweaks on the frontend to make those final touches. Then comes a brat who say they are full stack, and can do all those things. Bullshit. 99.9% of them have never done anything but move data through layers and present it.

Throw these wannabes an enterprise system with monoliths and microservices willy nelly, orchestrate that shit with a vertical slice nginx ssi with disaster recovery, horizontal scaling, domain modeling, version management, a busy little bus and events flowing all decimal points of 2pi. Then, if you fully master everything going on there, I believe you are full stack.

Otherwise you just scraped the surface of what complexities software development is about. Everyone who can read a tutorial can scrape together an "in-out" website. But if your db is looking the same as your api, your highest complexity is the alignment of an infobox, I will laugh loud at your full stack.

And if you told me in an interview that you are full stack, you'd better have 10+ years experience and a good list of failed and successful projects before I'd let you stay the next two minutes..

No. No. No.

We are NOT rewriting the software from scratch.
Why are people so keen on rewriting? Have they no experience??

Siemens Step7 code block protection (PLC's).. It was designed to lock code that you don't want others to be able to read. All blocks are in a dbf file, so you just need to find the block record and uncomment one line, voila - source code available.

Given the massive use of Siemens PLC's on plants all over the world, and the simplicity of hacking via S7 protocol, usually Internet connected, it's a breeze to steal or modify the controllers code with possible critical implications.

Enter Stuxnet.

With limited Internet in 92 :P I read magazines and did line by line from the books. From Atari 520 ST, to vb6, then into PHP, C++ and C#, it's fully been a ride of self learning.

I envy the new generation with the massive amount of online learning sites. At age 36, been programming since I was 12. What an advantage young kids have today!

Feeling pretty accomplished for someone who did no "work" today lol. I needed to work on side gigs but instead I:

1) Factory reset a 2011 Macbook Pro I'm selling and reinstalled Mojave using a patch (this laptop is officially unsupported by Mojave as of June).

2) Migrated all personal files from my windows desktop to my NAS. I'm turning this computer into a gaming rig now that I exclusively use my 2017 Macbook Pro for development.

3) Setup RDP from my macbook to my desktop.

4) Fixed registry errors and deleted junk apps off my desktop.

5) Erased and formatted all USB drives I had lying around.

6) Packaged up an old Xbox One for my brother-in-law which will get mailed tomorrow (included a few USBs for him since I rarely use'em).

7) Tested streaming my Xbox One X from my PC but it's laggy as F (both are wired, have static internal IPs, and use my router for DNS...it's just the app I guess).

8) Scored a like-new Scuf Vantage for my PS4 for $140 (the guy who was selling it paid $214 a month ago lol). I traded my spare Xbox One S for a PS4 slim and in an attempt to get used to it, I got this controller with thumbsticks in the same position as Xbox's.

9) Fixed and updated my Synergy app (mouse/keyboard sharing - I can use PBP on my 38" LG ultrawide and it's fairly seamless going between them).

10) Cloned a buddy's repo and set the project up to work locally.

11) Starting to get some work done while watching the Vikings game.

so i am thinking; this site will help with my blood pressure? ;) anyone can confirm it yet? ;)

My email is just as valid if there is a whitespace at the end of it as if there wasn't.. ffs, just add a trim!

To get into the zone I need 5 minutes to focus, think and lay out a plan. Need a clear schedule the next 4 hours, minimum. Clean desk, headset on, water refilled and a fresh coffee. Away we go.

10 minutes later someone taps me on my shoulder .. fuck!! Every damn time

My wife asked me if I get bored reading and writing "in code" all day, when I could just read and write normal English.

Got through an entire day at work with just a "good morning" and "have a good weekend". Team was focused today - it was a good day!

"we're gonna start doing WordPress for a lot more customers, to deliver faster. Not debatable. "

Fuck that shit, I'm off to another employer.

Fooooooks sake... 2 hours into this fucking spinnogram

REST apis. More than you think it is.

Just because you can access a resource by a uri, doesn't mean you have a good api.

Hypermedia that shit and let websites reuse your links from api responses, then we are getting somewhere.

Also, Fucking api versioning.. Learned the hard way that /v1/ doesn't mean Shit in most cases

A long struggle to change a nazi enforced scrum methodology that cut our efficency, technical standard and dedication to the product by just working on fragmented features that were added and removed by the wim of the PM.

Job offer in hand as senior dev somewhere else, I stayed, got better eventually. My old boss kept complaining on me for years in performance reviews that I did not respect managements decisions.

Two years of badly led scrum regime left our product in a spagetti mess that is still trying to be untangled.
Til this day, if I hear someone mutter "scrum", I feel a strong need to run far far away.

"We could be the Vikings of our time."

DateTime.Now should never had been available. For any date going to db, never ever use this!

!rant

Had a dyslexic girl on my team doing Javascript for a few weeks, it was brutal to see her struggle with finding the errors the typing caused and even point them out to her when helping. She eventually quit our team and joined a Java team.

Anyone here with dyslexia doing programming? What language and what is your greatest challenges compared to your colleagues apart from the obvious?

My company wanted to move old desktop applications to web and use angularJS. Finally, "new" tech. Not allowed to use node and Mongo because maybe someone who joins the Web team don't know Javascript and only sql experience ... Time to dust off my CV

You know what I hate? Spoilers!!
-I've seen GOT's last episode!! Hold the door!!
-I've seen Vikings last episode!!! He'll...
-I've seen your code and it will crash!

Hmmmm.. Civ 6 or that Arduino project I've been thinking about? The struggle!

If AI steal all dev jobs, it's probably already taken pretty much all other jobs too. So I guess we will all live work-free, with robots doing all the stuff and we get to enjoy life

i am starting to think that programmers are stupidest semi-intelligent mother fuckers on the planet... simple shit gets turned into spider web of over complicated nonsense ... which simply means if u cant make shit simple... U R ONE DUMB MOTHER FUCKER...
ps. i just tried changing tab from 4 to 3 in atom... those are some dump mother fuckers there...

Anyone got any show recommendations? a year for Game of Thrones is killer. I really enjoyed Mr Robot, it was dark, moody and pushed the lines. Vikings is great, I find historical shows really interested when executed right. Just started watching Marco Polo.

CQRS + Event Sourcing.

Because it just makes sense. In small applications, just command pattern, but CQRS and Event Sourcing is a beautiful, beautiful thing.