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Search - "whipped"
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<rant>
*Rules For Work*
1. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00 and then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.
2. If it's really a rush job, run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to inquire how it's going. That helps. Even better, hover behind me, and advise me at every keystroke.
3. Always leave without telling anyone where you're going. It gives me a chance to be creative when someone asks where you are.
4. If my arms are full of papers, boxes, books, or supplies, don't open the door for me. I need to learn how to function as a paraplegic and opening doors with no arms is good training in case I should ever be injured and lose all use of my limbs.
5. If you give me more than one job to do, don't tell me which is priority. I am psychic.
6. Do your best to keep me late. I adore this office and really have nowhere to go or anything to do. I have no life beyond work.
7. If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. If that gets out, it could mean a promotion.
8. If you don't like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be popular in conversations. I was born to be whipped.
9. If you have special instructions for a job, don't write them down. In fact, save them until the job is almost done. No use confusing me with useful information.
10. Never introduce me to the people you're with. I have no right to know anything. In the corporate food chain, I am plankton. When you refer to them later, my shrewd deductions will identify them.
11. Be nice to me only when the job I'm doing for you could really change your life and send you straight to manager's hell.
12. Tell me all your little problems. No one else has any and it's nice to know someone is less fortunate. I especially like the story about having to pay so many taxes on the bonus check you received for being such a good manager.
13. Wait until my yearly review and THEN tell me what my goals SHOULD have been. Give me a mediocre performance rating with a cost of living increase. I'm not here for the money anyway.
</rant>10 -
Drop ur file here to convert it to another file type
10 mins later after conversion
99%
"Sorry but u can't convert ur file cause u got an adblocker enabled pls disable it and try again"
Have u guys ever whipped ur dick out and smacked the monitor with ur dick with hope that ur dick smack will transmit the smack into the website across their face9 -
Admin work, because its all manual:
- Each new project has to fill out an Excel tab in a workbook, with a list of all the major tasks and who is responsible. This then needs to be used to create a Gantt chart, manually, in the same tab, showing in what month a task starts and ends.
- Every month we have to manually enter status updates into a powerpoint slide on a shared deck. Which has a collision at least once per month.
- Once a quarter we need to do something similar as the powerpoint slides, but into a word doc instead.
- Once a week we need to track our time on projects in a tool that can't be integrated with (no API or anything). Meaning we can't link up a ticket tracking system to it, so again, all manual.
- Once every 6 months a new round of research funding opens up and we write proposals. The status for which are tracked in another Excel spreadsheet, manually, once a week until the deadline.
- The instructions for what to do with the proposals are so vague and badly documented that there is an unwritten rule, that for the first time you will have to ask a bunch of questions to the project manager. This is accepted by everyone and its just the done thing.
- Everything is stored in a dropbox style system, which has become so cluttered I can only find resources by saving the links sent out previously.
- Some of these updates / reports also get a 1 hour meeting for everyone to stand up and read out what they've entered.
- From time to time random things will need to be reported on to the higher ups (how many publications, research papers, patents, times and dates etc.). Again rather than a tool, a new Excel spreadsheet is whipped up and emailed to everyone on the team. Whoever sent it out, then has to merge the 20+ copies into 1 doc.
- Some of the staff (mostly the devs), use a ticket tracking system to keep track of everything. Management refuse to use it to track the things they need. Instead we have to copy paste from it into the word docs, powerpoint, excel etc.
- By far the most annoying. Management force all the above as they need the info for finance, accounting, legal etc etc. So we have to do it, but whenever there is a question from legal, management send the question to us. So despite having documented every facet of everything imaginable, it all gets ignored in favour of endless emails.
I once tried to to put an end to all of this madness by proposing the use of a ticket tracking system, and then building reporting tools on top of it.
... I was told that it "wasn't appropriate". Still don't know what that means.9 -
My sister is the one who got all the support, despite her now working as a cleaning lady, having 2 kids of her own, having already married and divorced, having been in financial trouble several times, oh and she's only 22 years old. She couldn't finish high school and even getting a driver's license wasn't without hoops. Now she's dating someone as old as our mother.
I've been putting my career front and center in everything. I want to make my own business and sell a network-oriented Linux distribution through it. My mother was impressed when her colleague whipped up a basic website for their company. You can imagine the surprise when I told her that that's only one component of my infrastructure. My family and I still aren't on very good terms, but yeah.. going from "don't stare at those "screens" all day long" to "wow, you've actually done something with these screens" (to her all technology is a screen) is at least some progress I guess.
No support whatsoever though, neither in my endeavors in programming, server administration and whatnot (but hey what can I expect) but what annoys me the most is that my sister did get all the help in the world for maintaining her general household. I didn't get any of that, first night when I moved into my apartment I slept on the floor because my bed wasn't completely built yet. Now that all of that is done, I don't consider my mother very welcome in my apartment actually...
Oh well, we've gotten where we are somehow at least. Just reading, reading and reading more manuals. That's all you need really.15 -
I've optimised so many things in my time I can't remember most of them.
Most recently, something had to be the equivalent off `"literal" LIKE column` with a million rows to compare. It would take around a second average each literal to lookup for a service that needs to be high load and low latency. This isn't an easy case to optimise, many people would consider it impossible.
It took my a couple of hours to reverse engineer the data and implement a few hundred line implementation that would look it up in 1ms average with the worst possible case being very rare and not too distant from this.
In another case there was a lookup of arbitrary time spans that most people would not bother to cache because the input parameters are too short lived and variable to make a difference. I replaced the 50000+ line application acting as a middle man between the application and database with 500 lines of code that did the look up faster and was able to implement a reasonable caching strategy. This dropped resource consumption by a minimum of factor of ten at least. Misses were cheaper and it was able to cache most cases. It also involved modifying the client library in C to stop it unnecessarily wrapping primitives in objects to the high level language which was causing it to consume excessive amounts of memory when processing huge data streams.
Another system would download a huge data set for every point of sale constantly, then parse and apply it. It had to reflect changes quickly but would download the whole dataset each time containing hundreds of thousands of rows. I whipped up a system so that a single server (barring redundancy) would download it in a loop, parse it using C which was much faster than the traditional interpreted language, then use a custom data differential format, TCP data streaming protocol, binary serialisation and LZMA compression to pipe it down to points of sale. This protocol also used versioning for catchup and differential combination for additional reduction in size. It went from being 30 seconds to a few minutes behind to using able to keep up to with in a second of changes. It was also using so much bandwidth that it would reach the limit on ADSL connections then get throttled. I looked at the traffic stats after and it dropped from dozens of terabytes a month to around a gigabyte or so a month for several hundred machines. The drop in the graphs you'd think all the machines had been turned off as that's what it looked like. It could now happily run over GPRS or 56K.
I was working on a project with a lot of data and noticed these huge tables and horrible queries. The tables were all the results of queries. Someone wrote terrible SQL then to optimise it ran it in the background with all possible variable values then store the results of joins and aggregates into new tables. On top of those tables they wrote more SQL. I wrote some new queries and query generation that wiped out thousands of lines of code immediately and operated on the original tables taking things down from 30GB and rapidly climbing to a couple GB.
Another time a piece of mathematics had to generate all possible permutations and the existing solution was factorial. I worked out how to optimise it to run n*n which believe it or not made the world of difference. Went from hardly handling anything to handling anything thrown at it. It was nice trying to get people to "freeze the system now".
I build my own frontend systems (admittedly rushed) that do what angular/react/vue aim for but with higher (maximum) performance including an in memory data base to back the UI that had layered event driven indexes and could handle referential integrity (overlay on the database only revealing items with valid integrity) or reordering and reposition events very rapidly using a custom AVL tree. You could layer indexes over it (data inheritance) that could be partial and dynamic.
So many times have I optimised things on automatic just cleaning up code normally. Hundreds, thousands of optimisations. It's what makes my clock tick.4 -
I had this a while ago. I just pulled an all-nighter because of some servers issues so I went to a coffee shop at my usual train station on my way to my study to get an espresso. I had some difficulties with keeping my eyes open and then these teenage girls walked towards the starbucks (nope I don't do starbucks) saying something like 'Oh my god I need caffeine otherwise I won't survive today omg'.
Five minutes later they came walking out with a few huge 'coffees' with shitloads of milk and whipped cream.
I kept myself sane but I just really wanted to scream 'THAT"S NOT COFFEE/CAFFEINE, THAT"S FUCKING DESERT YOU FUCKING FUCKWITS'.
I really couldn't stand those girls at that moment nope.6 -
I accidentally deleted the Facebook chat history I had with someone. Wanting it back, I quickly whipped up a program for my Teensy to download and executes a Java app I wrote. The Java app gets the Facebook cookies, decrypts and uses them to read the chat history which will then be sent to me. Now all I have to do is insert my Teensy via USB and I'll have my chat back! *mission impossible music playing*3
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So went to Starbuck to get a frappaccino then I realised I forgot to commit my project. I whipped out my mbp to fire that shit off. It was at that moment I realised ouuuh fuuckkk I'm one of those people now 😐 needless to say I bowed my head in shame and left without making eye contact with anyone....7
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As much as i fucking hate javascript and hope with a gleaming heart that it burns in the seventh circle of hell along with everyone who pushes it and the creators get their asses whipped with their own spines for all eternity as they slowly burn on the eternal flame
vuejs is pretty cool2 -
I once had to review and transform the code of one of my colleague at school which had no indentation, no spacing and was a clusterf*** of syntax errors. The nightmare was that it was all done in the ancient Turbo C++. So I opened up plain ol' Notepad and whipped up some decent code and helped him out of a tight situation.
Now he is no longer a programmer. :|7 -
In This Rant: A mildly satisfying piece of mind story.
Using code to prove yourself right is a hell of a drug.
A few weeks ago I whipped up a tiny program that downloads configs from hardware we manage. Since the vendor's API documentation is hidden behind a pay wall, my method of extraction is different. It results in bigger files, but testing showed it to still be valid.
Enter today. Interns at work downloaded a config to load onto a spare machine and it won't work.
"TheCapeGreek, your configs don't work"
I was confused since I tested the files when I built it and it worked. I am also currently fleshing out that download utility's features so the fear that I've been wasting the past 2 weeks on improvements is looming.
Last 15 minutes of the day and nothing else to do so I figured I might as well whip up a string comparer. The smaller file's content is scattered in the big file so a direct diff won't work.
Code it all, quick hardcoded proof of concept code, bit it got the job done. I was right, my bigger file is still correct!
Turns out the issue was with the machine they were configuring. They found this out before I finished my test code, so I'm off the hook already, but it was good to have piece of mind haha!1 -
Am I the only one who pronounces git reflog as re-flog rather than ref-log? As in being whipped again6
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Last weekend I visited my aunt for her birthday. Someone reminded me of the passion for chess one of my smaller cousins had
(they grow so fast, I finally understood all those remarks from the grandmas back then 🥲)
and asked if he wanted to play a few rounds. Sure damn he wanted to, because he whipped out that chessboard like a gunslinger I tell you
I wonder why everyone looked at me in such pity, and I found out why soon enough: turns out in all the years, he’s competing in country championships and now has an ELO of around 1600. Every match felt like being a fly in a venus trap. I was losing and I didn’t even know why. The grip became tighter while I was burning my neurons on some sugar. That was very uncomfortable. At least, reading from his face, he had fun, and I learnt some Turkish Kebap Defense variant lol -
Ugh. That may have been a mistake.
I'm deep in a large effort to refactor my project. It's a one man deal and something I've been working on pretty much every day in some fashion for nearly 10 years (five years ago I started a scratch rewrite to move from a fully CGI server rendered application to a browser rendered asynchronous version built around JS) and that took me three years.
I started this refactor about 8 weeks ago. Turns out I've been tackling the largest modules and progress has been decent. So that's good.
But I got to wondering ... Just how much code is there?
So I whipped up a quick script to do some calculations. Read each file and get a line and word count, skipping empty lines.
In JS it turns out I have 83,973 lines and 467,683 words.
On the back end, 86,230 lines and 580,422 words.
Average publishing stats say the are about 250 words/printed page.
That means I'm confronting refactoring 1,870 pages of JS. That's the size of several decent sized novels. (I think I've done the equivalent of Maybe 400 at this point).
Makes me feel like the walls are creeping in to know how much is left to go ... -
I asked for a little whipped cream...
Guess the barista was using equality operators instead of identity operators.
😒4 -
When I was studying web integrator.
At first I didn't even know html, yet alone what a php tag or extension meant.
I quickly caught onto it though and started to grasp that the procedural stuff they taught was really outdated.
So I researched intensely and eventually whipped up my very own php framework.
- if you're interested, it lives on github.com:sasin91/php-framework
Obviously it's a pile of fungal infested dung.
but ey, I was light years ahead of the rest of the class.
Besides, we all gotta stackoverflow somewhere :) -
personal projects, of course, but let's count the only one that could actually be considered finished and released.
which was a local social network site. i was making and running it for about three years as a replacement for a site that its original admin took down without warning because he got fed up with the community. i loved the community and missed it, so that was my motivation to learn web stack (html, css, php, mysql, js).
first version was done and up in a week, single flat php file, no oop, just ifs. was about 5k lines long and was missing 90% of features, but i got it out and by word of mouth/mail is started gathering the community back.
right as i put it up, i learned about include directive, so i started re-coding it from scratch, and "this time properly", separated into one file per page.
that took about a month, got to about 10k lines of code, with about 30% of planned functionality.
i put it up, and then i learned that php can do objects, so i started another rewrite from scratch. two or three months later, about 15k lines of code, and 60% of the intended functionality.
i put it up, and learned about ajax (which was a pretty new thing since this was 2006), so i started another rewrite, this time not completely from scratch i think.
three months later, final length about 30k lines of code, and 120% of originally intended functionality (since i got some new features ideas along the way).
put it up, was very happy with it, and since i gathered quite a lot of user-generated data already through all of that time, i started seeing patterns, and started to think about some crazy stuff like auto-tagging posts based on their content (tags like positive, negative, angry, sad, family issues, health issues, etc), rewarding users based on auto-detection whether their comments stirred more (and good) discussion, or stifled it, tracking user's mental health and life situation (scale of great to horrible, something like that) based on the analysis of the texts of their posts...
... never got around to that though, missed two months hosting payments and in that time the admin of the original site put it back up, so i just told people to move back there.
awesome experience, though. worth every second.
to this day probably the project i'm most proud of (which is sad, i suppose) - the final version had its own builtin forum section with proper topics, reply threads, wysiwyg post editor, personal diaries where people could set per-post visibility (everyone, only logged in users, only my friends), mental health questionnaires that tracked user's results in time and showed them in a cool flash charts, questionnaire editor where users could make their own tests/quizzes, article section, like/dislike voting on everything, page-global ajax chat of all users that would stay open in bottom right corner, hangouts-style, private messages, even a "pointer" system where sending special commands to the chat aimed at a specific user would cause page elements to highlight on their client, meaning if someone asked "how do i do this thing on the page?", i could send that command and the button to the subpage would get highlighted, after they clicked it and the subpage loaded, the next step in the process would get highlighted, with a custom explanation text, etc...
dammit, now i got seriously nostalgic. it was an awesome piece of work, if i may say so. and i wasn't the only one thinking that, since showing the page off landed me my first two or three programming jobs, right out of highschool. 10 minutes of smalltalk, then they asked about my knowledge, i whipped up that site and gave a short walkthrough talking a bit about how the most interesting pieces were implemented, done, hired XD
those were good times, when I still felt like the programmer whiz kid =D
as i said, worth every second, every drop of sweat, every torn hair, several times over, even though "actual net financial profit" was around minus two hundred euro paid for those two or three years of hosting. -
Reading. And not just a couple of genres, I mean as much as possible on as many topics as you can deem interesting. Classical literature, epics, poetry, contemporary criticism, post-modernism, every pretentious piece of work you can get your hands on.
Because the greater your vocabulary and the wider your understanding, the more efficient and proficient you become in learning new things.
Also, it makes you a better writer when you finally find yourself needing to put together some technical documentation for that content management system you whipped together in a fortnight.5 -
Left the office pissed and frustrated by the bug that Stumped me. For some context, I've only ran to stackoverflow 3 times between now and 2022. I was making my way home, feeling crushed and downcast, when it suddenly occurred to me that this might be one of those times to seek refuge and succor on SO
Taking my chances with an answer being ready by the time I get home, I branched into area one shopping complex by 730, whipped out my system and started narrating my ordeal, buyers and merchants wondering whether I was closing a multi billion naira deal that couldn't wait or whether I was plain possessed
About half an hour later, I was done. There was no answer but I was instantly covered with the sense of calmness I imagine Christians have after casting all their burdens on their god. I certainly felt lighter, even though it's likely nobody would ever respond. Cuz I've been returning to answer most of my questions days later when I eventually figure it out
Yet, it's comforting putting something overwhelming out there, hoping it crosses paths with someone smarter or with sharper eyes to spot what I'm doing wrongly5 -
{TL:DR/ a super non web dev non frontend non interested person aka me somehow cracked the interview(through wrong practices i guess) landed into an internship that would have gone to a better person.I cracked the interview but am shit scared if i could stand the job}
- So 3 days ago i was talking to my friend regarding random stuff, when he told about needing a front end dev for making static template based html pages for their company.
- (I haven't ever worked in deep with web dev, just generated a few websites using mardown to html convertors, and was recently trying to learn flask/bootstrap/js) I was in need of some work so immediately requested him to talk about me in their company.
- yesterday i get an interview call from the hr of that company . She ask what i know, what they want and if i could do. I honestly tell them about my experience with web dev( with some maybe's)
- moments later , she adds me to a group with another guy, and gives us both a task to use create a clone of same website in 2 days.
- The website is a super graphically designed web page with lots of animations, custom mouses and what not. I could sense the basic elements out of it , like the nav bar and the carousals, but those animations were way beyond my knowledge. yet i start working on it
- I try with taking the clever top down approach of cloning the website and fixing its structure. It has such long code files of 10k+ lines, but i was still able to clean the css and html files and some of js code to make the website work
- later my friend calls and tells me that the other guy is a 1st year student / his brother and he doesn't know much stuff so he's kinda like me.
- He shows me a video of his code that he sent to him. That guy took the honest, bottom up approach, used the design as inspiration and was trying hard to create the similar design and animations via js.
- among other things, he also tells me that this challenge is super difficult and the level of difficulty in the work is certainly going to be lesser than this.
- In my task, I was super stuck at js because i haven't learned it much, therefore after spending 1.5 days, i made a submission without the main thing, i.e one particular carousal working
- later I get a call from another friend (B) of mine and while discussing random things, i show him my code over anydesk and ask him if he could somehow get my code to work. He asks for some time and sends me a complete refactored version of code with the same design but fully working carousal and other stuff.
- meanwhile i get to see the other guy's code and he had legit made all the designs and functions by himself, but his code looked less polished and different from the design.
- I pushed my friend(B)'s refactored version and added a comment on the group the carousal in mu code is now working.
- later at night my friend1 calls and tells me that their company was considering my submission and i would be getting the selection call
- I feel like a crazy fraud who somehow cracked the interview but is going to get his ass whipped. Where and how can i learn js, and jquery?5 -
I feel like a slave being whipped when my company says: "Develop faster, faster, fasterrrrrrrrr!".
Sigh.4