Prime Satisfaction!

Ok so don't answer the question then?

Pretty sure I'm losing braincells while reading product reviews.

Who wrote this fucking algorithm!

When a programmer says: "Horrible code", it actually means "Horrible code that I did not write".

And on Fridays we all say together...

✨
✨ DON'T ✨
✨
✨ PUSH ✨
✨ ✨
✨ TO ✨
✨
✨ PRODUCTION ✨
✨
✨

I guess everyone need this :)

When someone thinks they know the life of a coder but they don't.

This is so mean

Not my mom, but my wife's whole family. I'm a software developer.

So we're invited to her grandmother's 85th birthday celebration with pretty much every family member they could think to invite. 100+ people, and we all sit down in a circle in a huge room to watch a video that my wife's father and aunts/uncles put together.

They start the video and there's no sound. I'm a software developer, so I'm not an expert in hardware issues. I try to turn invisible, because every tech person knows what comes next, and this is in the center of a room of people I don't know.

After about 15 minutes of people struggling to get the audio working, one of the people remembers I "work with computer". Soon I have a dozen people calling me to the center of the room.

I begrudgingly make my way to the computer and projector. Upon inspection, I find that the computer is connected via VGA to the projector.

Me: "This cable only carries video. You need a different kind of cable, or you can hook up an AUX cable--the kind you use for headphones."
Other Guy: "I used this cable earlier and the audio was working."
Me: "...that's weird. Well, can we try plugging in an AUX cable?"
Yet Another Guy: "Will this help?" Holds up an HDMI cable
Me: "Oh, yeah! That should do it."
Other Guy: "I tried plugging that in, but it didn't change anything."
Me: "Hmmm..." Quickly unplug VGA and plug in HDMI, then click play.

The sound comes out in its full cheesy music glory. Everybody cheers, and I walk back to my seat. Throughout the rest of party, I'm approached by various other family members who ask me if I can fix X since I'm a "computer guy". Isn't it great to work in tech?

My brother (14, at that time 12) is in puberty and just doesn't get off his computer to learn or do anything useful. He actually got bad grades because of this.

I made an app for my mom as well as a "virus" for my brother's computer that she could use to start and stop my brother's mouse wobble around randomly. Whenever he should be learning, my mother would press a button and he couldn't do anything anymore.

He eventually found out how to start YouTube videos using only his keyboard, so the next update came with a feature that simulated a random keypress instead of the one my brother was actually intending to type whenever he pressed a key.

The fun thing was, that he never found out why that was happening and just assumed his computer was broken.

At my study's final exams, I coded a system with login and everything included.

Showed it at the final delivery:
Fake client: awesome! So how do I logout?
Me: 😐
Me: 😶
Me: 😁
Me: 😓
Me: 😭

Yeah, you couldn't logout.

Its so fascinating how girls(in my experience) react if you tell them "yo girl there are several pictures of you in the internet easy to find on google"
They act like "whuuuut how is that possible. NO WAAY."
For example this girl is using a chat app like "badoo"...
Only typing some keywords like "username" "age" "location" "chatappName" in Google.
Some people are so stupid and naive that they just wondering, how their pictures land in the internet...

Me today

back to C after a couple of years. That's way better than I'd expected

Not meeting any good mentors. Not meeting any good colleagues. Not attending any good dev classes.

I have self taught everything. After my uni kicked out, I founded my own work and working since then. Couldn't hire any great talent that can guide me with the pay I can afford.

Tech Industry: “We need more developers!”

NewDev: “Hire me”

Tech Industry: “only experienced developers please! We don’t have time to train juniors ”

Older Dev: “Hire me”

Tech Industry: “no, you want too much money and too much time off“

Mid dev: “Hire me”

Tech Industry: “only experienced devs who are a culture fit!”

Robot dev: “Hire me”

Tech Industry: “You are Hired”

I'm sure some here can relate.

(From "Dark Humor" FB page)

har har

My girlfriend has these :D
(called Code:Deck - available here https://varianto25.com/playing-card...)

When you see this in the internet and get ideas for your next meeting

Do you ever talk to yourself out loud while thinking/programming/debugging? (Not a rubber duck in sight, because that makes it okay?)

I need to avoid making this a habit..

Me: What? Why is this even an error?

Someone: What?

Me: What?

Love my job ❤️

What do you do to love your development task when your passion is different from that?

Ohh no!

My life lately.

I started this month hating php and laravel. Now i kinda love them

Applied for a £22k Web Developer Job Php laravel in particular and get tasked with this.

Well that isn't hard.

Just saw a job posting requiring seven years experience with Laravel...

As a PHP Developer, *heavy breathing*

So this happened around 3 years ago in college.

Some software was missing on a random PC in college, so the professor asked this girl, to copy it to that PC since its the only one the setup file.

The solutions are many here, but what this girl did made me and 2 others ragequit the room.

She right clicked copy, unplugged the mouse, plugged in the other PC and tried clicking paste.

I facepalmed so hard, I almost broke my nose that day.