If Programming Languages Were Girls:

Java: Your current girlfriend, you've been going steady for a while now. Things are okay.

Kotlin: The girl Java finds you cheating on, she's just amazing, and you wish you'd met her sooner.

Visual Basic: The girl you accidentally started a relationship with because you didn't know how to say no. But quickly realised your mistake and regretted it.

JavaScript: A childhood friend you occasionally hook up with. But you could never settle for a relationship with them.

Python: A bossy, manipulative girl who quickly turned things sour. But everyone else loves her because of her huge libraries.
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My and a co worker were joking the other day about what programming languages would be like if they were girls. This is what we came up with (Original inspiration: the Distracted Boyfriend meme (Feel free to add your own!)).

Updated description!
Fuck Wordpress in the ass with a new kind of cms. Make devs happy with clean code. And Laravel [more details]

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Does anyone else suddenly lose the ability to type properly as soon as someone is watching/pairing?

Me: 1 is something, 0 is nothing, NULL is the absence of things
JuniorDev: wut
Me: You've got pizza in a box, that's 1. If there's no pizza in the box, that's 0. If there's no pizza and no box, that's NULL.
JuniorDev: OOH so there's no object to reference if I ask for a slice!
Me: *small tear*

Always explain things in terms of pizza. Always.

Sometimes I wonder whether it's unhealthy for my desk plant that I explain her my code.

Boss: “Do you think you can work on Saturday? We really need the help.”

Me: “Yes, of course.”

Boss: “Great, thank you.”

Me: “I’ll probably be late, though, as public transport is slow on the weekends.”

Boss: “Okay, when do you think you will be at the office?”

Me: “Monday”.

js validation

Thank you so much chrome developers for this! Now web designers are free from pain of cache 🙌🏻

Internet Explorer.

When people tell me their problems I immediately start coming up with solutions when really they just want sympathy.

I've got a mini stroke today. My project ended and I got delegated elsewhere.

"It's going to be fine, it's c++, you will find yourself there"

Suspicious, it's a project everybody was staying out of as hard as they can. But hey, it's cool, how bad can it be? what can go wrong with that?

Reality was brutal, project that uses Boost C++ as framework and bjam as builder. Builds with a decent dose of luck, and only under special circumstances, only under one specific version of compiler. No docs, quartet of the code is in Fortran, just to use ancient lisp part which was second qarter. The most senior Dev around does not have idea how it all works. Also everything is inside one enormous try/catch block. Because of the reasons.

That's how people end up with severe alcoholism and meth addiction.

Nice one!! 🤣🤣

512 looks like a more rounded number than 500.

*Stages of debugging*
1. That can't happen.
2. That doesn't happen on my machine
3. That shouldn't happen.
4. Why does that happen?
5. Oh, I see.
6. How did that ever work?

bool True = false;
bool False = true;
if (True == true)
{
False = True;
}
else
{
True = true;
False = !true;
}

if (!False == !!true && True == !false)
{
False = True;
True = (!!False)true;
}
Console.WriteLine("Banana");

Any SEO guy here?

want one?

!rant but recommendation:
"JavaScript: The Good Parts" Douglas Crockford.

I really like this book.
It's chewed away my misconceptions of JS. Especially coming from C++.

Small and precise.
JSON, JSLint and JSMin developer is the author.

Difference between C# and Javascript
Me: Hold my cup of tea.
C#: That's not a cup of tea.
Me: Hold my cup of tea, with two teaspoons of sugar in it.
C#: That's not a cup of tea with two tea spoons of sugar in it.
Me: Hold my cup of tea, with two teaspoons of sugar and milk in it.
C#: That is not a cup of tea, with two teaspoons of sugar and milk it.
...
Me: Hold my cup of tea.
Javascript: I'll hold your cup of coffee.

As soon as someone watches me code over my shoulder my IQ drops by 50%

Why is it that whenever somebody looks over my shoulder at my screen when I'm programming, I mentally degrade to a 6 year old and can barely type???

So I need to create a nice new web app. Let's look at some cool JS frameworks that I can work with.

*5 mins later* Hm, Angular sounds good, is there any good competitor?

*5 mins later* Wow, React sounds awesome as well. Let me learn it.

Google search result:

"Planning to use react? Check out Vue JS first"

*5 mins later* Ok so vue seems faster than React and much easier to learn. Let me see if Vue is the final choice.

Google search result:

"Angular VS Knockout VS Ember VS React VS Mithril VS Mercury VS Ractive VS Vue VS Riot"

Nope, fuck it

That's the real difference!

How web server works. Brutal reality simply explained. #symfonyCon

When my boss said that one language is better than others because it's being used by big company

Just 14 to go 😘

This is how it looks like when a cat tries to hack a vending machine. 😂

A surprisingly honest sales site

General advice: If you're the smartest person in the room, you're in the wrong room.