/*The following dialogue is an excerpt from an actual conversation I had a couple of hours ago*/

Microsoft support:
Please check that you've installed the correct version of JavaScript in the Control panel.

Me: JavaScript isn't standalone software.

MS: Are you sure you downloaded JS from Oracles website then?

Me: *ended the chat*

Today it's my birthday. Yesterday I was woken by my fiancé with breakfast and one gift. She had bought me the Raspberry Pi 3 B.
Now she had decided to give it to me on the Sunday so I could play with it right away instead of having to go to work and wait a whole week before I would have time play.

I Love You, Honey! More than you realize <3

Devrant algos on point.

Please enter your phone number...

I laughed at this so hard

When I was 10 years old, all kids at my school got access to school emails. The email address book contained everything in my city, like fire department, all pupils of all schools etc. So I decided to "test" the system by sending out a mass email to everyone in the address book (about 3k) with the question "Hi, how are you?".

The sys admins apparently didn't think very far as I got some responses saying like "You have crashed a server in the capital city" and "I have contacted your local IT admin".

So I went to the IT admin and told him the situation. His face turned red of anger and I remember him almost screaming at me.

Who the fuck doesn't set up protection for this and gives out access to 10 year olds? This was 15 years ago, I really hope sys admins are smarter today!

It's the one thing that keeps me sane

Any crazy experiences?

I'm gonna start off my DevRanting career by posting the most relatable comic I've seen...

Has there ever been a devRant community hackathon? If not, let's have one!

😂😂😂😂😂😂

Here is mine. #wk15 😎😎

I just had a nightmare.

I never became a developer. Instead I had a normal 9-5, didn't do work at home, slept well and spent my free time on social activities.

It was horrible.

void walks into a cave
doesn't return

"Can you do this?"
Sure, give me the information I need...

"We don't have all of it yet"
So I can't do it then

"Well when can you do it"
When you get the information

"Do you need *all* of it"
Well, it's either I do half a job and waste my time, or get it all done in one shot

"The client wants it tomorrow"
When will we have the information?
"We don't know"
Well they aren't having it tomorrow then, are they...

Sales people... don't care *how* things work, as long as they get a tick against their name to show they've sold something...

The Absolutely True Story of a Real Programmer Who Never Learned C.

I have a young friend named Sam who is quite a programming prodigy. Sam does know C! I need to make this clear: he’s not the titular programmer.
But a couple years ago Sam told me a story about a different programmer who never learned C, and I liked it so much that right on the spot I asked his permission to repeat it. (I could never just steal such a tale.)
Sam wasn’t always a programmer—actually he started in his later teens, in part because he was more of a jock, and in part because he was related to programmers and wanted to do his own thing. But, like all great programmers, once he was bitten by the bug he immersed himself completely in it.
One day Sam happened to be talking programming with his uncle, who was also a programmer but from way, way back.
“Hey,” said Sam, “I’m learning this language called C. You must know a lot of languages, did you ever study C?”
“No,” said the uncle, to Sam’s surprise. “I am one of the very few programmers who never had to learn C.”
“Because I wrote it.”
Oh, Sam’s last name is Ritchie.
What I love about this story is the idea of Dennis waiting Sam’s entire life to deliver this zinger. Just imagine sitting on a line that good, watching your nephew grow up and waiting, waiting until the one day he finally starts learning to code. Did he work on the line in his head at night? Like, “Hmm, how should I word it so I can deliver the punch line perfectly? Should I say ‘I never took a class on C?’ Nah, too awkward…”
The great thing about geniuses is how much effort they put into everything.

Courtesy : Wil Shiply.

Web devs get me

I guess unix was made by pervs as I have to command it to Touch, Finger, Unzip, Strip, Mount, Fsck, Unmount and Sleep

There is a band called 1023Mb. They haven't got any gigs yet.

Am I the only one who laughts at this jokes

So there was an inspection from government for our bank's IT security. I gave a tour to our server and security systems. I threw all possible acronyms as much as I could remember. Inspector nodded and noted down never uttered a word.

Finally, he breaks his silence, looking at a device he points out and says "What's that ?"

I look at the device then stare at his face back again at the device and to his face I reply "That's AC, Air Conditioner".

"Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning." - Rich Cook

How to break a chatbot (well done).

So true

I don't know what to say

Best story ever

This really happened to me yesterday at work.

Me: *walks into office*
Coworker: Hey Will, I got a question for you
Me: I...[read more]

The honest website ever... 🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻

Everyone always says the previous developer was crap, sometimes you're right

I went to Paris for my first interview (that was 1989) for a job of Unix kernel developer. All dressed up. I step out of the elevator and see a young punk with scruffy hair and different colour shoes. I reckon he must be the pizza delivery guy. I ask him "dude, can you please point me to the CEO's office for interview". He said "sure, follow me man, I'll show you". We arrive at a desk, he sat down in the big chair and looks at me with a big smile and says "Ok dude, here we are. I am the CEO. Now let's see how good you are!"
I got the job. And 26 years latet, last week, amazing coincidence: I met him again at a trade show in Paris ... with the same coloured shoes. How cool is that!!!

Use Vim. What could happen?...