When you FINALLY manage to reproduce that bug that's been hunting you for 4 FUCKING MONTHS

" If you can put an axe through it, it's hardware; if you want to put an axe through it, it's software. " -- Unknown

It's self explanatory

Got this from a recruiter:

We are looking for a **Senior Android Developer/Lead** at Philadelphia PA

Hiring Mode: Contract

Must have skills:

· 10-12 years mobile experience in developing Android applications
· Solid understanding of Android SDK on frameworks such as: UIKit, CoreData, CoreFoundation, Network Programming, etc.
· Good Knowledge on REST Ful API and JSON Parsing
· Good knowledge on multi-threaded environment and grand central dispatch
· Advanced object-oriented programming and knowledge of design patterns
· Ability to write clean, well-documented, object-oriented code
· Ability to work independently
· Experience with Agile Driven Development
· Up to date with the latest mobile technology and development trends
· Passion for software development- embracing every challenge with a drive to solve it
· Engaging communication skills

My response:

I am terribly sorry but I am completely not interested in working for anyone who might think that this is a job description for an Android engineer.

1. Android was released in September 2008 so finding anyone with 10 years experience now would have to be a Google engineer.
2. UIKit, CoreData, CoreFoundation are all iOS frameworks
3. Grand Central Dispatch is an iOS mechanism for multithreading and is not in Android
4. There are JSON parsing frameworks, no one does that by hand anymore

Please delete me from your emailing list.

The rant starts here

I was hired to work on an Android application written in java. Spent three months working on a project written in C++ instead. Needless to say I had no prior experience with C++ at that time.

//long rant but worth it ;)

In our class, we had some writing in Word.

I was the smart PC guy in the class which everybody asked for info. Even the teacher sometimes asked me.

There was a girl in class which I didn't really like, because she had a snoopy attitude and thought she is a queen.

In MC Word you can hide the toolbar with the little arrow on the top right below the close button.

Somehow the girl hid the toolbar and didn't know to let it reappear again. After half a hour the teacher got to the next lesson.

She held her hand up and reported to the teacher that here PC has problems. After 10 minutes try & error from the teacher he even didn't get it.

Now the teacher started the rant and shout at her: "How did you even manage to do this? Did you upload a virus? I bet it is a virus! Do you know how much it costs to repair this pc? It's sure over 1000 $."

The rant continued for 15 minutes. After that I felt a bit guilty and even I didn't like that girl, but nobody deserves such a harsh treatment.

Without saying anything I went to the computer, clicked the little arrow and the problem was solved. The teacher didn't say anything to this topic. Just said we can go early.

Sometimes dump people make a elephant out of a fly, just because they don’t know it better…

Well the girl still stayed a cunt till the end of my scholarship.

Fucking react programmers

I know when that ....
Vim always blings......

We feel you bro...

My 'stressball'

Conversation with my Boss

B: Are u a hacker?
M: No
B: We need a hacker?
M: Why?
B: Because X department wants to do a hackathon.

Reading old code be like: who the fuck made this shit... oh, wait, it's me...

How was yours?

When I update Android Studio and everything breaks.

the author must be a genius

try {
♥️
}
catch(e) {
🍺
}

#happyvalentinesday

My plans for valentines day !

How does a front-end developer get away with murder?

$('body').hide();

//I'll see myself out

When you get fired and mad about it so you steal all the equipment

I fuckin hate when people pronounce SQL as CQL

I'm pretty sure Shakespeare didn't say that.

dev Xmas

Poopy function in Swift

Microsoft, you've got te be kiding me...

The struggle is real !

Oh my fucking god... I am looking at this code written by a previous developer and he put the passwords in plain in an array in a PHP file, like WHAT WHERE YOU THINKING? (btw that's also how he checks the password, just check whether it's in the array)

c'mon pls

When your code is compiling, with no errors.

I saw this on 9GAG today and I had to share with you guys ahah

git everywhere