Just found the best dev ever.

https://alcohollick.com/tfw.html

Dear gradle, no offense but I believe Rome took less time to build!

*Builds a web component for a client website*

CLIENT: I don't like it, can I have it a tiny bit over to the right more

ME: Taps the arrow key a few times making it look like I'm doing something.(Which actually does nothing)

Client: 👌Perfect

😂😂😂 Wut 😂😂😂

I was told during my initial interview that the book "Clean Code" is their Bible here.

And it's true. It's lying, unread in drawers and shelves all over the office.

As a programmer, I'm outraged.

My wife: “Commit, then come to bed.”

pshht 🤫😄

buzzword translations:

"cloud" -> someones computer

"big data" -> lots of somewhat irrelevant data

"ai" -> if if if if if if if if if if if if if else

"algorithm" -> something that works but you don't know why

"secure" -> https://

"cyber security" -> kali linux + black hoodie

"innovation" -> adding something completely irrelevant such as making a poop emoji talk

"blockchain" -> we make lots of backups

"privacy" -> we store your data, we just don't tell you about it

I found an "ex" folder on my pc, I thought it was full of old photos about me and my ex girlfriend, instead it contained lots of dead projects. I don't know what hurts more.

My classroom had this, nice inspiration
Bad UX

Girlfriend: What's your biggest fear?

Me: That machines take over the world.

Girlfriend: What?

Toaster: What?

The past 2 years where I work:

Me: hey let's use git instead of ftp!
Boss: should we?
Some time later: he is loving it...

Me: hey let's use trello instead of excell!!??!
Boss: huumm.. Dunno... Should we?
After much convincing: whole departments are using and loving it....

Me: hey let's move from rackspace to DO!
Boss: huumm... Convince me...
Year latter: everything smooth and muuuch lower prices... Managing 6 servers instead of one...

Me: UNIT TESTS!!!
Boss: nah, this but a waste of time...

For real? Get a grip man, I only encourage solutions tested ( no pun intended, or is it ) by me for a long time...

That guy at the office who's constantly and vocally upset he hasn't gotten into Bitcoin a long time ago.

That fucking guy.

Manager: Write a function to get tomorrow's date.

Kids:

int getTomorrowsDate() {
return getCurrentDate() + 1;
}

Legends:

int getTomorrowsDate() {
sleep(1000*60*60*24);
return getCurrentDate();
}

Someone on the IP 127.0.0.1 has been creating a lot of bugs in my code, please beware of you notice any connections from that address.

Big congrats to @AlexDeLarge for being the first devRant member to hit 50,000 ++!

A pretty awesome accomplishment highlighting great contributions and content.

Being honest in an interview:

- Can you work under pressure?
- I can, but I'd rather not.

What's wrong with motivation?
Each time I have a great idea at work, I stop working, I search for informations and then, when I'm home, I can't motivate myself to work.

Yoda speaks like he wasn't careful with his async calls

"a Jedi You are"

500 kbps hotel wifi my ass. I hijacked the smart TV's Ethernet connection and voila: 100mbps

"So, why do you want to work at our office in mexico?"
"I want to be a señor developer."

We practice IDD: Incident Driven Development

When someone changes your IDE background color to white

The worst part of being a dev:

Having to code stuff you know is wrong

My wife said the magic words last night! "Teach me to code".

Just realized humans are 0 indexed. Our first year on earth we are 0 years old.

When my colleague asks for help when debugging, I like to start of with setting a few breakpoints.

How it feels holding the power button when the pc freezes

Basically...

So... if github and twitter are both down - I don't have to work today, right? It's like a snow day, isn't it?