Details
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AboutI visit customers in an adidas tracksuit, with a bottle of vodka and squat on the table chewing roasted sunflower seeds until I get paid.
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SkillsVHDL/Verilog C/C++/Assembly C#/.NET/.NET Core JS/HTML/CSS Unity HPC Electronics
Joined devRant on 1/9/2019
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boss: I sent you a wsdl file.
me: I saw it. But you sent me a json for a rest api request.
boss: You want me to teach you what a wsdl is?3 -
Exactly 10 years ago, my first job interview for a position as java developer:
Tech guy, asking me lot of deep questions about last java improvements, upgrades of newest web frameworks etc.
I answer very well.
He seems satisfied. He is about to leave, and just on the door, he turns and he asks this "just-one-more-question" in Lieutenant Columbo style:
"ehy do you know something about COBOL"?
Me: "well, ....yeees" (thinking: it's a programming language, only thing I know, plus I want the job)
He: "...and would you mind...." (some vague gestures)
Me: "...hmm...not at all..."
I got the job. All the project was about a huge legacy COBOL program. Almost no java.
I soon discovered that nobody inside the company wanted actually to deal with that project either....
Sometimes during interview you try to sell yourself, but it's actually the other way around, they are trying to sell something to you...7 -
Found the dragon book, second edition, a pretty famous compiler book at the following url:
http://informatik.uni-bremen.de/agb...
Just in case anyone is interested in it. It kinda trips me out that for 1000+ pages its only 4.somethingmb and apparently it comes from the University of Bremen, it was on the top Google results.
I think its clean, not a security expert, so if someone that is more skilled in it that I am wants to go ahead and check it out let me know11 -
PM: Did you start looking into that stress testing tool.
Me: Literally looking into it right now
PM: Ah cool. So you'd be ready tomorrow?
Me: No
PM: Why not?
Me: I literally started looking at the tool. I can't promise anything.5 -
Not my mom, but my girlfriends grandmother. I told her that I am a software developer, a guy who makes the programs which run on computers.
She became really excited about that, because finally she found someone to repair her 40-year-old radio. I told her that I have no fucking idea about radios, but she did not want to hear that. So I looked at the case, randomly pushed some buttons and again told her, that I could not find the broken part, let alone repair it. But she didn't listen and told me to open the case and look inside.
Sighingly I opened the radio, looked at the inner parts and told her once more, that I don't know anything about this stuff. She told me to look more closely. About to lose my mind about this pointless task, I finally told her, that "the transistor" is the problem and that the best thing she could do is to throw it away and buy a new radio. She was happy with that answer.15 -
My manager's boss just commited on a delivery date a month from now. We dont know what is to be delivered, nor does the client. We are supposed to work on a platform that we know nothing about. And of course the catchphrase is : yeah just use big data and spark. I'm dying...5
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Navy story time, and this one is lengthy.
As a Lieutenant Jr. I served for a year on a large (>100m) ship, with the duties of assistant navigation officer, and of course, unofficial computer guy. When I first entered the ship (carrying my trusty laptop), I had to wait for 2 hours at the officer's wardroom... where I noticed an ethernet plug. After 15 minutes of waiting, I got bored. Like, really bored. What on TCP/IP could possibly go wrong?
So, scanning the network it is. Besides the usual security holes I came to expect in ""military secure networks"" (Windows XP SP2 unpatched and Windows 2003 Servers, also unpatched) I came along a variety of interesting computers with interesting things... that I cannot name. The aggressive scan also crashed the SMB service on the server causing no end of cute reactions, until I restarted it remotely.
But me and my big mouth... I actually talked about it with the ship's CO and the electronics officer, and promptly got the unofficial duty of computer guy, aka helldesk, technical support and I-try-to-explain-you-that-it-is-impossible-given-my-resources guy. I seriously think that this was their punishment for me messing around. At one time I received a call, that a certain PC was disconnected. I repeatedly told them to look if the ethernet cable was on. "Yes, of course it's on, I am not an idiot." (yea, right)
So I went to that room, 4 decks down and 3 sections aft. Just to push in the half-popped out ethernet jack. I would swear it was on purpose, but reality showed me I was wrong, oh so dead wrong.
For the full year of my commission, I kept pestering the CO to assign me with an assistant to teach them, and to give approval for some serious upgrades, patching and documenting. No good.
I set up some little things to get them interested, like some NMEA relays and installed navigation software on certain computers, re-enabled the server's webmail and patched the server itself, tried to clean the malware (aka. Sisyphus' rock), and tried to enforce a security policy. I also tried to convince the CO to install a document management system, to his utter horror and refusal (he was the hard copy type, as were most officers in the ship). I gave up on almost all besides the assistant thing, because I knew that once I left, everything would go to the high-entropy status of carrying papers around, but the CO kept telling me that would be unnecessary.
"You'll always be our man, you'll fix it (sic)".
What could go wrong?
I got my transfer with 1 week's notice. Panic struck. The CO was... well, he was less shocked than I expected, but still shocked (I learned later that he knew beforehand, but decided not to tell anybody anything). So came the most rediculous request of all:
To put down, within 1 A4 sheet, and in simple instructions, the things one had to do in order to fulfil the duties of the computer guy.
I. SHIT. YOU. NOT.
My answer:
"What I can do is write: 'Please read the following:', followed by the list of books one must read in order to get some introductory understanding of network and server management, with most accompanying skills."
I was so glad I got out of that hellhole.6 -
Tracking my time. I always forget to do it while I’m working and end up having to bullshit it at the end of the month. And then it takes like two hours to finish. 🤮8
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Hiho.
I'am currently at the Ragnarök Festival and like last year there are all lot of rubber ducks to buy in the merchandise tent. But I cannot dicide which I'd buy. So, I want to ask for recommendations. Which duck shall I buy? :)11 -
Travelling by train in Germany shows the 'great' status of the mobile network here.
Even emergency calls aren't possible sometimes...14 -
Outlook is the shittiest mail client ever .. whenever I develop an email template it comes nicely to any other email clients... except for this shit which ruins everything..5
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What the fuck is this one-way interview bullshit?
"The organization you are interviewing with has come up with a series of interview questions that they have requested you to respond to. This is an on-demand interview which means that you'll be recording your video interview answers at your convenience as long as you submit them before the deadline." -- sparkhire.com
Like seriously?
What if I have questions? I have plenty, and I find those questions considerably more important than whatever bullshit gotchas the company wants to annoy me with.
One-way interview.
Fucking really.
At least have the decency to talk to me.rant bullshit root gets angry one-way interview interviewing talk about lazy and unprofessional root swears oh my this just screams 'bad environment'36 -
Overheard from the room next to mine:
Person 1: My computer is frozen ..
Person 2 (Not a native English speaker): Did you try to shut down and shut up ?14 -
lol what? My company offers $5k for referring full time employees... and $10k for referring female technologists.
As a female software engineer, makes me deeply uncomfortable.14 -
Almost 2 months ago I left my job for another that paid slightly less.
Can't belive I am saying this but I love my new job.3 -
I have reached a stage in my career that when my code works in the first try, I'm more skeptical than excited about it.1
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Windows ffs stop shoving your fucking updates into my ass. It was prompting me to restart computer for 6 fucking hours and it never gave a fucking option to postpone the update beyond one fucking hour. So I literally kept postponing it every fucking hour and went for a shower. By the time I returned it was updating it. I had more than 25 tabs opened on incognito window of chrome and atleast 8 Microsoft office files open and editing atleast 4 of them. It fucking ruined my work flow and I don't even remember the locations of the files I was referring. Who is going to open all those tabs and files. Ffs what is wrong with you WINDOWS. I AM SO PISSED OFF AT WINDOWS AND MY UNI THAT DOESN'T FUCKING ACCEPT ASSIGNMENTS IF THEY ARE NOT IN DOCX, PPT AND OTHER MICROSHIT'S CRAPPY PRODUCTS. I AM NOT IN A MOOD TO DO THE ASSIGNMENT NOW. FUCK WINDOWS. I SWER BY THE Old GODS AND THE NEW THAT I WILL CONTRIBUTE TO WINE IN THE NEXT 5 TO 6 MONTHS SO THAT I DON'T HAVE TO USE WINDOWS AGAIN.3
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After wasting most of the afternoon trying to fix Visual Studio, I can honestly say is is the worst IDE I have ever had the misfortune to use.
Seems the only way to "fix" it is to erase it and reinstall.
Fml15 -
> Worst work culture you've experienced?
It's a tie between my first to employers.
First: A career's dead end.
Bosses hardly ever said the truth, suger-coated everything and told you just about anything to get what they wanted. E.g. a coworker of mine was sent on a business trip to another company. They had told him this is his big chance! He'd attend a project kick-off meeting, maybe become its lead permanently. When he got there, the other company was like "So you're the temporary first-level supporter? Great! Here's your headset".
And well, devs were worth nothing anyway. For every dev there were 2-3 "consultants" that wrote detailed specifications, including SQL statements and pseudocode. The dev's job was just to translate that to working code. Except for the two highest senior devs, who had perfect job security. They had cooked up a custom Ant-based build system, had forked several high-profile Java projects (e.g. Hibernate) and their code was purposely cryptic and convoluted.
You had no chance to make changes to their projects without involuntarily breaking half of it. And then you'd have to beg for a bit of their time. And doing something they didn't like? Forget it. After I suggested to introduce automated testing I was treated like a heretic. Well of course, that would have threatened their job security. Even managers had no power against them. If these two would quit half a dozen projects would simply be dead.
And finally, the pecking order. Juniors, like me back then, didn't get taught shit. We were just there for the work the seniors didn't want to do. When one of the senior devs had implemented a patch on the master branch, it was the junior's job to apply it to the other branches.
Second: A massive sweatshop, almost like a real-life caricature.
It was a big corporation. Managers acted like kings, always taking the best for themselves while leaving crumbs for the plebs (=devs, operators, etc). They had the spacious single offices, we had the open plan (so awesome for communication and teamwork! synergy effects!). When they got bored, they left meetings just like that. We... well don't even think about being late.
And of course most managers followed the "kiss up, kick down" principle. Boy, was I getting kicked because I dared to question a decision of my boss. He made my life so hard I got sick for a month, being close to burnout. The best part? I gave notice a month later, and _he_still_was_surprised_!
Plebs weren't allowed anything below perfection, bosses on the other hand... so, I got yelled at by some manager. Twice. For essentially nothing, things just bruised his fragile ego. My bosses response? "Oh he's just human". No, the plebs was expected to obey the powers that be. Something you didn't like? That just means your attitude needs adjustment. Like with the open plan offices: I criticized the noise and distraction. Well that's just my _opinion_, right? Anyone else is happily enjoying it! Why can't I just be like the others? And most people really had given up, working like on a production line.
The company itself, while big, was a big ball of small, isolated groups, sticking together by office politics. In your software you'd need to call a service made by a different team, sooner or later. Not documented, noone was ever willing to help. To actually get help, you needed to get your boss to talk to their boss. Then you'd have a chance at all.
Oh, and the red tape. Say you needed a simple cable. You know, like those for $2 on Amazon. You'd open a support ticket and a week later everyone involved had signed it off. Probably. Like your boss, the support's boss, the internal IT services' boss, and maybe some other poor sap who felt important. Or maybe not, because the justification for needing that cable wasn't specific enough. I mean, just imagine the potential damage if our employees owned a cable they shouldn't!
You know, after these two employers I actually needed therapy. Looking back now, hooooly shit... that's why I can't repeat often enough that we devs put up with way too much bullshit.3