Coding level: jedi master

Looks like I'll be debugging for the next 20 years

When a hiring manager wants 5+ years experience in Swift.

Swift release date = June 2, 2014

😂👍🖕

*Now that's what I call a Hacker*

MOTHER OF ALL AUTOMATIONS

This seems a long post. but you will definitely +1 the post after reading this.

xxx: OK, so, our build engineer has left for another company. The dude was literally living inside the terminal. You know, that type of a guy who loves Vim, creates diagrams in Dot and writes wiki-posts in Markdown... If something - anything - requires more than 90 seconds of his time, he writes a script to automate that.

xxx: So we're sitting here, looking through his, uhm, "legacy"

xxx: You're gonna love this

xxx: smack-my-bitch-up.sh - sends a text message "late at work" to his wife (apparently). Automatically picks reasons from an array of strings, randomly. Runs inside a cron-job. The job fires if there are active SSH-sessions on the server after 9pm with his login.

xxx: kumar-asshole.sh - scans the inbox for emails from "Kumar" (a DBA at our clients). Looks for keywords like "help", "trouble", "sorry" etc. If keywords are found - the script SSHes into the clients server and rolls back the staging database to the latest backup. Then sends a reply "no worries mate, be careful next time".

xxx: hangover.sh - another cron-job that is set to specific dates. Sends automated emails like "not feeling well/gonna work from home" etc. Adds a random "reason" from another predefined array of strings. Fires if there are no interactive sessions on the server at 8:45am.

xxx: (and the oscar goes to) fuckingcoffee.sh - this one waits exactly 17 seconds (!), then opens an SSH session to our coffee-machine (we had no frikin idea the coffee machine is on the network, runs linux and has SSHD up and running) and sends some weird gibberish to it. Looks binary. Turns out this thing starts brewing a mid-sized half-caf latte and waits another 24 (!) seconds before pouring it into a cup. The timing is exactly how long it takes to walk to the machine from the dudes desk.

xxx: holy sh*t I'm keeping those

Credit: http://bit.ly/1jcTuTT

The bash scripts weren't bogus, you can find his scripts on the this github URL:
https://github.com/narkoz/...

The Guy in front of me is not using dark theme in IntelliJ :O

"I need this bug fixed in half an hour!"

That's the real difference!

In case you forgot

Me : Let's just use CDN.
Former boss (fb) : What's that?
Me : You fetch JS and CSS files online. Faster.
Fb: No! Download it!
Me: Why?
Fb: What if there's no internet?!
Me: ... it's a website...

Kill me now

I accidentally sent my bachelor thesis to the 3D-printer. It printed a big peace of shit.

My guide to know if your startup is failing:
My Qualifications: Every startup I've joined has failed. Not necessarily because of me.
For the sake of me typing faster, x=startup.

1) X doesn't have a product, but just an idea that x keeps pitching as the next "big thing". (What's with this shit anyway?)

2)X keeps changing products, One day your designing IoT sex toys and the next day your building a self aware AI. For some reason, the people at X saw Silicon Valley or that meme about how Instagram was created and thought "Fuck that happens to every moron who can switch on a computer."

3) Even worse, X keeps changing industries.

4) X keeps lying to you, your marginal user base and seems overall unethical. (You should leave at this point.)

5) X wants to target some obscure and very specific market and keeps pitching the company along the following lines
<famous_company> for <random_market>
Eg: "Yo bro it's like Amazon but for necrophiles."

6)X keeps saying that X is the next big thing. (X is not and I can't emphasize this point enough.)

What you should realize is this is my general observation and some or all of these points may not apply to every situation.

Sorry for typos and any other stuff.

Which one do you prefer?

Today I learned: typing "man ascii" into the terminal on Linux will print out the ascii table.
Guess I don't need to go online to find it anymore

when its linux birthday

Gets me every time! XD

The woman who helped develop software for the Apollo 11 was awarded a Medal of Freedom today.

When you're in the middle of coding and people come over.

Usual legacy development flow (https://turnoff.us/geek/...)

Every time I try to optimise the code

VB gdsryhhdadvblihf. Gyffb jggb vvhbv juuijtvv. Hhughpgbbgygv. Vyggtff v h y eso tdc. Vgyyuuttrdffdmjh tf

When people paste their whole fucking million line noobie spaghetti code into a single Stackoverflow question:

Frontm End vs Back End

John Snowden

See you latter, * mallocator(0)

I normally don't post silly things, hoping I can restrict myself to only do so on rare occasions #shortweeksilly

Time spent on projects

!rant: Wondering how the hell you even graduated.

When you're getting paid by the hour instead of by the job.

Source: UNILAD Tech