Looking for a job as a deveoper be like:

Job title: car driver

Job requirements: professional skills in driving normal- and heavy-freight cars, buses and trucks, trolley buses, trams, subways, tractors, shovel diggers, contemporary light and heavy tanks currently in use by NATO countries.

Skills in rally and extreme driving are obligatory!
Formula-1 driving experience is a plus.

Knowledge and experience in repairing of piston and rotor/Wankel engines, automatic and manual transmissions, ignition systems, board computer, ABS, ABD, GPS and car-audio systems by world-known manufacturers - obligatory!

Experience with car-painting and tinsmith tasks is a plus.

The applicants must have certificates by BMW, General Motors and Bosch, but not older than two years.

Compensation: $15-$20/hour, depends on the interview result.

Education requirements: Bachelor's Degree of Engineering.

They burn my eyes every time.

Scenario A:
Your code is working. You run again, now it's not working.

Scenario B:
Works on production. Next day it doesn't.

It is nothing you just experienced alternate universe. You probably with your manager temporarily jumped into another timeline where your code is not working.

Next time it happens tell your manager it's not your fault.

Eureka!

i feel like i have committed a spiritual suicide, that is how deeply dead inside i feel

Starting at CERN in 45 days :D Can't wait!!!

Forgot my smart watch this morning and I feel naked

Ok, old one but still funny.........

Make love, not meetings

1. Remove chairs and tables.
2. Limit everyone to two minutes speech time.
3. When everybody got used to stand-up meetings, get down and plank.

Everybody will have a very strong interest in a quick and productive end to any plank-down meeting. 😁

Do not sleep during meetings

Always 😆

Old boss story. This guy was nice but a terrible boss. Also relevant, he has a background in IT so should know better.

Him: So when you wanna check a password is correct you just unhash it in the database?
Me: *facepalm*

Me: Hey we should be doing unit and integration testing at a minimum to lower bugs.
Him: We don't need those, we're not a bank. If a problem comes up we just fix it and push to production.
(A while later)
Him(in email): Why do we keep getting bugs reported. Don't you devs test your code.

I was mildly annoyed at that one.

Him: We're always over budget on projects, how can we fix this.
Me: What if we increase our quotes.(technically there are other ways as well but not really possible at that time)
Him: We can't do that, clients won't want to pay.

Me: *finishing off my handover as I'm leaving for a new job*
Him: Wow you do a lot of work

After 16 years of porn addiction, I've finally realized that the only way to stop any addiction, is to take control of your mind. Nobody can help you, except make you realize the source of the problem or factors that cause it.

It's strange to describe how the mind works, sometimes we need stuff in our lives because we need to spend time on something to avoid the emptiness.

Free yourself from the things you love the most, in my case I love playing video games, it helps me feel complete, but in all honesty, I don't need it. I like drinking energy drinks, but in the end, I don't need that too.

My point is that once you find a way to deal with the things you can't live without, you find a way to live with it.

The only reason I watch porn is to reduce stress or have something "fun" to do.

As Bruce Lee once said: Be formless, be shapeless, be water my friend.

I like to think that he means to let the urge flow within you, but don't let it control you.

Why is it the case that people who use Linux come across like arrrogant snobby cunts compared to ones who use Mac OS and Windows?

Yipee... Got a buyer...😂🤣

"Remember to always be yourself. Unless you suck. " - Joss Whedon

Emotional roller coaster today.

+ Got first pull request! Hell yeah!

- oh, no, no no no nononono, they pushed all dependencies and temp folders...

fck sake isak, gather yourself

GF: Honey... What is that thing called... It's like a neverending if statement...
Me: ... A while loop?
GF: YEAH!! It's a while loop in the brain!

Sounds sadistic but yes it's true XD.

Some ideas for variable names. Thank me later :))

1. bool sheet;
2. int entionally;
3. char mander;
4. double penetration;
5. string cheese;
6. long schlong;

There is this thing called the Pulfrich effect (https://youtu.be/Q-v4LsbFc5c a Tom Scott video about this).

Since I have 3 monitors, I decided to write a small C++ program which copies the image from the first monitor to the second and, with 5ms delay, also to the third.
That way I can sit down like 5 meters away and squint a bit to make both copies overlap. This creates a 3D effect for about half of the time of any moving video.
If you watched the video at the top you should know why, if the right image comes later the background has to move as in the video, and vice-versa.

Just some random thing that came to my mind and it's actually awesome!

My company needs to understand that I am not Jesus Christ.

Ok, bye....

A wild Tomcat has appeared.

I don't understand why the most of the developers drink a lot of coffee

sad joke

I didn’t want to wait for the adapter to come in…

Next Level Thinking

It took him a couple of bytes😂

FML

Looks like my macbook air is dead. Screen went black just like that after I logged in.

My life is kinda ruined if I can't recover the data.