My Friend: Dude our Linux Server is not working anymore!

Me: What? What did you do?

My friend: Nothing I swear!

Me: But you were last on it?

My friend: Yes. I just wanted to run a bash file and needed to give it permissions.

Me : WHAT DID YOU ENTER???!

My Friend: Chill man, just this command I found on the internet
chmod -R 600 /
chown -R root:root /

Me: WHY ARE YOU EVEN IN ROOT AND GOD DAMMIT WHY ARE YOU EVEN USING SOME RANDOM COMMAND FROM THE INTERNET. YOU KNOW YOU SHOULD NOT DO THIS OR JUST ASK!

My friend: Ok I did something wrong, how can I fix it?

Me: Did you make a backup or rsync of the server?

My friend: No. I just wanted to run this file.

Me: You holocausted the server. FUCK MY LIFE

I had a secondary Gmail account with a really nice short nickname (from the early invite/alpha days), forwarded to another of my mailboxes. It had a weak password, leaked as part of one of the many database leaks.

Eventually I noticed some dude in Brazil started using my Gmail, and he changed the password — but I still got a copy of everything he did through the forwarding rule. I caught him bragging to a friend on how he cracked hashes and stole and sold email accounts and user details in bulk.

He used my account as his main email account. Over the years I saw more and more personal details getting through. Eventually I received a mail with a plaintext password... which he also used for a PayPal account, coupled to a Mastercard.

I used a local website to send him a giant expensive bouquet of flowers with a box of chocolates, using his own PayPal and the default shipping address.

I included a card:

"Congratulations on acquiring my Gmail account, even if I'm 7 years late. Thanks for letting me be such an integral part of your life, for letting me know who you are, what you buy, how much you earn, who your family and friends are and where you live. I've surprised your mother with a cruise ticket as you mentioned on Facebook how sorry you were that you forgot her birthday and couldn't buy her a nice present. She seems like a lovely woman. I've also made a $1000 donation in your name to the EFF, to celebrate our distant friendship"

- Hello! Gordon's pizza?
- No sir it's Google's pizza.
- So it's a wrong number?
- No sir, Google bought it.
- OK. Take my order please ..
- Well sir, you want the usual?
- The usual? You know me?
- According to our caller ID, in the last 12 times, you ordered pizza with cheeses, sausage, thick crust
- OK! This is it
- May I suggest to you this time ricotta, arugula with dry tomato?
- No, I hate vegetables
- But your cholesterol is not good
- How do you know?
- Through the subscribers guide. We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years
- Okay, but I do not want this pizza, I already take medicine
- You have not taken the medicine regularly, 4 months ago, you only purchased a box with 30 tablets at Drugsale Network
- I bought more from another drugstore
- It's not showing on your credit card
- I paid in cash
- But you did not withdraw that much cash according to your bank statement
- I have other source of cash
- This is not showing as per you last Tax form unless you got it from undeclared income source
-WHAT THE HELL? Enough! I'm sick of Google, Facebook, twitter, WhatsApp. I'm going to an Island without internet,where there is no cell phone line and no one to spy on me
- I understand sir, but you need to renew your passport as it has expired 5 weeks ago..

My dumb CEO just hired an even dumber CTO. The new CTO asked me the following questions...

1. What is GitHub?

2. What is JSON?

3. What’s an array?

4. What is Get and what is Post?

5. When an iPhone is offline, can it call an API on our server to tell us it’s offline?

6. I know you’ve spent 11 month the writing this backend in PHP but can you change it to Java now?
Me: Why?
Dumb CTO: Because it’s better.
Me: How?
Dumb CTO: because it is.

7. I know you’ve started to rewrite this codebase I Java but can you convert it to Node.JS now?
Me: Why?
Dumb CTO: Because Facebook uses it.

8. What is MySQL? Why aren’t you using a database instead?

9. What does NULL mean?

Somehow, I doubt that asshole is remotely qualified for the job.

Fakin shyt for brains.

Looking for a job as a deveoper be like:

Job title: car driver

Job requirements: professional skills in driving normal- and heavy-freight cars, buses and trucks, trolley buses, trams, subways, tractors, shovel diggers, contemporary light and heavy tanks currently in use by NATO countries.

Skills in rally and extreme driving are obligatory!
Formula-1 driving experience is a plus.

Knowledge and experience in repairing of piston and rotor/Wankel engines, automatic and manual transmissions, ignition systems, board computer, ABS, ABD, GPS and car-audio systems by world-known manufacturers - obligatory!

Experience with car-painting and tinsmith tasks is a plus.

The applicants must have certificates by BMW, General Motors and Bosch, but not older than two years.

Compensation: $15-$20/hour, depends on the interview result.

Education requirements: Bachelor's Degree of Engineering.

Choose your gender

I committing the crime of wasting time

https://youtube.com/watch/...

LOL this comment on a song about people being out to get you and you deciding to have some fun instead

AI is good at helping you solve the variable naming problem

ooo

yeah, daddy, give me some of that intuitive pseudo-neuron correlation power

Oooh you're such a nasty rebellious little punk, a threat to society indeed.
Get fucked.

Microsoft has the audacity to put "Get the new Outlook (It's free for Windows Users!)" on my lock screen. Extraordinarily annoying because:

- It's just the web app packaged in the SHITTIEST electron wrapper you ever did see.
- IT FUCKING HAS ADS

My own version of nvidia's G Sync

Maybe I should just threaten them with resignation.

Got nagged again at twice in an hour to update my notes, when I have done so before 9am. We're adults, not toddlers.

Stupid fuckin OneNote doesn't sync. I'm losing my fuckin mind here.

Hope everyone has an excellent Monday

I’ve been crocheting … a lot.

It's kinda nice to have a long weekend for a change to work on my endless list of unfinished side projects and code what I want to code, and not having to use fucking Windows 11 on a slow-ass work laptop.

In standup I talked about how I am blocked on two tasks and what I need from the people who can unblock them.

Business Analyst who runs the standup/acts as some type of scrum master thing then asks me what I need to unblock the tasks.

I JUST FUCKING TOLD YOU, HOLY SHIT.

oh look, another amazing location that i'll never get to on the windows lock screen

My $18 eBay find has Blockbuster app on it.

Wait, the electrode does what? All I wanted to do is light the grill.

Dude is having identity crisis

“You code fine… for a girl”

So my boss is telling me they plan on moving away from Qt. The value proposition is just not there anymore. Maybe I will learn to be a C++ programmer again, and not a Qt programmer. This will be interesting the next few months.

Unlearn what you have learned.

Oh wow Devin. Yay, developers you're screwed

Big boss: Last year we had much more revenue and profits than our expectations, and this success is thanks to all of you. Thank you! You made an excellent work! Impressive!
Some employee: Can we all get a raise?
Big boss: Wtf that question again? No way!

THE CURSED SPAWN FROM 20 GENERATIONS OF INBREEDING ALL ENDED UP IN MY FUCKING COMPANY

I'm still not over how LINQ is defined as a thin wrapper over both IQueryable (which can be efficiently queried) and IEnumerable (which can only be iterated), but IQueryable extends IEnumerable, so if you execute one unserializable operation anywhere in a query issued to your database it'll merrily pump whatever temporary collection happens to reside on the boundary through the C# program to execute that call on each row and process the rest as an IEnumerable.

Sitting at work listening to music, doing absolutely fuck all right now because I ain't got no tickets! All the mfers need to answer me before I can work on their stuff.

Sounds great, no?

It's not. It's hell being unable to do work for me. I need to busy myself with doing random shit so I don't go insane.

Mhh, coffee...

Oh, by the way, Sir Jav'alot is still around too.

Right. I'm trying to put together a bot to replace @b2plane. I think this has potential.

man just please include the using statements in your examples, because i don't know what namespaces i need to use in your dumbass examples

If someone asks me how I spent my 30s, I'll be like "oh, I waited for the Docker to build"