What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds!

How do you get the code for the bank vault?
You checkout their branch

How many project managers does it take to change a lightbulb? None, they'll just schedule a meeting to discuss the lighting strategy.

Those unit tests can be commented out, they’re failing right now.

The answer they deserve

FBI open up

This thing really got me laughing.

Well....

Ms teams is a pile of shit.

That is all.

It’s actually pretty neat. I constantly suffer from impostor syndrome, so I always have keep learning to keep up the facade.

They hire you as an intern and then they make you work like a Tech Lead.

Microservices? Naaaah mammoth sized projects inside of mammoth sized solutions

Dear Microsoft,

Thanks for not completely fucking up Github. At least you didn't integrate Office365, allow only Azure deployments, or force downloading repos through OneDrive or something.

But like most developers, I don't deal well with changes to familiar interfaces.

So please.... STOP FUCKING TWEAKING THE BUTTON PLACEMENTS AND TEXTS ALL OVER THE WEBSITE.

(or at least send me a bottle of cognac and a box of chocolates before every UI experiment, so I can deal with it emotionally. I'm a very sensitive boy, you know).

Of course I can code with vi. I can also cook by burning wood. It might taste better, but it doesn't cook faster.

Me: Optimize a sort & match method in backend because users complain it's a bit slow.

Coworker: These algorithms are both O(n), so they're identical *closes PR*

Me: *start zoom call* "Heeeeeeeeeey Iiiiiiiiiii wouuuuuuuld liiiiiiiiike toooooo diiiiiisscuuuuus thaaaaaaaat puuuuuuulllll reeeeeequuuueeest yooooouuuuu cloooooossseeeed"

Coworker: "wtf are you doing, why are you talking so slow"

Me: "No matter whether I talk fast or slow, the information still reaches you in O(n) time, so why are you complaining"

I fucking hate it when people misunderstand the purpose of (or abuse) big O notation. It's an estimate of how an algorithm SCALES once the set increases in size, in which case you leave out both less significant terms and constant factors.

But those terms and factors are important when you're talking about the DIRECT PERFORMANCE of the algorithm on fixed-size sets, instead of SCALING to larger sets.

1n and 10n are both O(n), but 10x performance on a job that used to take 10 minutes is still significant.

Marketing: it's not working...

Me: *fixes bug and pushes changes in less than 5 mins*

Me: Well it's working for me

Marketing: strange... it wasn't working 5 minutes ago...

I love their faces of confusion haha

Explaining cloud concepts funny way

Having the attention span of a ..., Oh look a kitty!

"Failure is not an option. It comes bundled with your Microsoft Product."

- Wise Old Man

(Taken from ebtionko.wordpress.com)

Welcome to the future guys.

Attac.

- Got one more section to rewrite from this thesis and I'll be done. (except for stuff after review)
- Have zero ass to sit down and actually do the final trims.

Smh.

"When you are asked if you can do a job, tell ’em, ‘Certainly I can!’ Then get busy and find out how to do it."
– Theodore Roosevelt

Mr. Roosevelt encouraged a $5000 loss.

Code quality is not related to your self-worth.

Can't remember how many times I had to change project structure just because they provided wrong/misleading/half-ass requirement

This post made my day...

Developers :
Work as efficient as possible!

Also developers :
Pressing the arrow up ⬆️ in the terminal 90 times to find a command that could have been manually typed out in 1 sec

Our entire application is a security bug

password.trim()

Just yesterday I found out that a multimillion euro corporation still uses Http (not https) rest end points, with the only basic authentication mechanism...
It only provides data to sales and inventory management, so I'm guessing it's not f*ing critical enough x.x