Details
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AboutWell nothing to say. I am boring and try to finish my CS B.Sc. Degree I like Anime/Manga/Everything that I can binge Expert in Procrastination Don't like: Idiots who can't talk / Drama (when I want drama I just have to go home and see my Parents)
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SkillsJava, Python3, Procrastination (Senior Level)
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LocationGermany
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Website
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Github
Joined devRant on 8/12/2022
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I haven't been productive since the bs. (Refer to previous rant) And one deadline is approaching very fast.
My Christmas was ruined because I was anxious/annoyed/everything negative about the bs as well as being alone and stuck in a village. My new year has always been crap but this year it was extra crap.
Overall, I'm having none of the fun. My life is starting to feel like a deadend. I feel like I have to give up on my dreams to survive. And that no one is really on my side, despite whatever they say.
The ADHD rejection sensitivity is also heavily activated. Like I know that realistically I can fix this, but at this point I just want to break everything and let the ship sink.
I have lost time that I could be productive to this bs. And I wish nothing but misery for all those responsible for putting me in this situation. (I take responsibility for my mistakes, but not for how others behaved towards me)6 -
My ass of a supervisor threw yet another bomb my way.
He basically said I would fire you if I could, but I don't have a valid reason, however I will not give a good grade for your dissertation because you don't do exactly what I told you. (not exact words, that was just the gist)
So I need to start looking for a new supervisor and a new department. He is not letting or helping me grow. I can't be under this fucking much stress, do this much fucking work and stay sane.
Gonna go cry now. Bye.21 -
Interviewer: So, we were researching you online and came across your devRant profile.
Me: Ok, I'll see myself out. Thanks.5 -
Starting a new project, and learning to work with a new robot. But I'm living in a state of anxiety, so I'm also in a state of mental paralysis rn. Why do I ruin the best things I get in life by just being an anxious mess? 😑9
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* Hit send on email *
* Realize you wrote Retards instead of Regards *
* Shutdown the laptop *
* Book a ticket *
* Move to another country *
* Start a new life *9 -
I have realized that I'm getting nowhere with my boss with my current attitude.
I want to change strategy, but I find it very hard to bite down my tongue and give up on being logical or the attitude of "be competent, do a good job, or gtfo of my way". Like, it's not my place to fix all the issues, neither am I perfect.
I'm not looking for methods of manipulating him, rather I want to change my own perspective and mindset to something that doesn't make me suffer. At least regarding this one person.4 -
Repeat/repost:
Unfortunately I do not own a drop of what is conventionally known as confidence or ego. It applies to everything; work, skills, relationships, friendships, you name it. I can estimate my chances of succeeding, and sometimes be pretend-delulu for a purpose (you gotta admit, sometimes showmanship is the biggest asset) but I don't understand confidence. In my opinion, it's just a gross overestimation of one's chances.
So this project/paper thing, I feel like I'm blind and running in the forest. I am not counting on my boss, nor am I counting on anyone in the dept to give me clarity or decent feedback. ("Cutting edge" research issues. Not anybody's fault.)
And I guess, in the worst case scenario the paper will be rejected, which would be a setback but not a full failure.
... Actually, that's not the worst case. The worst case would be someone running a peer review and finding that I made a tiny mistake and all my results are bullshit. 🤦
... Anxiety is eating me alive rn. 🤢4 -
Ok so the ex boyfriend (let's call him Joe) of a friend of mine is a dumbass
He wanted to hack her phone, or whatever, so hired someone on telegram to do it. He asked her phone number and 200€.
After actually giving him the money this guy sent a ransom asking for 2k to not turn Joe in.
Joe learned a lesson.4 -
The bartender stole one euro from me. (Just didn't give me the rest of my money)
So like the awkward nerd that I am, I left and will just sulk and never go back there. I thought this was my new nook. Turns out, no more.
Sad Friday evening noises in distance.9 -
Got warned for having low performance. Time to beg my previous employer to take me back when I rejected their offer last year.
If it worked, I will probably need to be a complete asshole to get laid off10 -
Adding "my house manager is a bitch" to the pile of ongoing issues.
My studio is right in front of the courtyard. Which means students partying and I don't get any sleep. So this morning I asked her if I could swap places with another student. She is a broken record. "It's not allowed" is all I hear from her every time regardless of whatever I ask. And as she says, there are new rules and I am not allowed to get a new contract within the same fuckin building. Her own daughter lives in the quiet area, so like, what's with the double standard?
She's lying and I know that. I asked her to put me in touch with her bosses or "owners" as she calls them, and guess what she said; "it's not allowed" 🙄
Anyways, I don't wish her well. I'll eventually find a way out of this expensive silverfish-infested building.11 -
I jumped on this NodeJS codebase to quickly implement an additional method in the custom logger. How hard could it be, right?
I implemented the method alright. But I can't find where to use it... There are like 10 different logger instances used in this tiny app and in one place logger is even used as a vessel (holder object) for the client's JWT token (to access it from the interactor).
oh, and it's a javascript app (somehow I assumed that node apps are typescript.. silly me!)
What the fØ©ĸ spaghetty-fest is this!?!?!4 -
A senior colleague of mine just announced she'll be leaving by the end of the year.
😐 Why do people I specifically need always leave? Am I that destructive? 😢
I know I'm being dramatic, but like... 😖😣😫
I mean, I could see this as an opportunity, but nah. I rather wallow in self-pity. 😭18 -
Trying my luck for an A rank conference in like 3 months. Things are not done and anxiety will end me before then. 😑
Can't these stupid robots do their own thing without me and get published on my behalf? Shit is tiring! Arghhhhh5 -
Everyone, look at what I found out about your government.
First, [==============REDACTED==============] [==============REDACTED==============]
and then [==============REDACTED==============] [==============REDACTED==============]
You also wouldn't believe that [==============REDACTED==============], [==============REDACTED==============]
[==============REDACTED==============]
[==============REDACTED==============]2 -
Please disregard. I just need to vent.
Being a manager is so fucking shit. This is not even about devs or tech specific only. Never become a manager.
Why? Because it’s about handling people and all the dumb shit they do. It’s all about knowing what people suck at and preventing that weakness from leaking into other areas. The amount of fucked up people on this earth means that you have to work with at least some of them, and that means putting up with their stupid ass list of super special requirements, that if they do not fulfill, will make them a shit worker. It’s not even an issue of technical skills.
You have the guys that are often late, because “they have depression”, but will complain that “companies don’t treat employees like adults”. Being on time for work is apparently very difficult. Which doesn’t generally matter in general for dev work, but it ends up affecting other things.
You have the completely socially inept idiots that make half the team hate them and try to avoid working with them, increasing problems and work for other people. Just because they’re socially stupid, have low or no empathy, or are incapable of not being insufferable to others.
You have the people that are so bad at estimating that they keep making up numbers instead of waiting to think for a few minutes and say “ not sure, I need to research and estimate that”.
You have the surprise absentee for dumb as fuck reasons like “my phone died lol sorry”. They never do anything to actually improve, it is just “sorry guys! Btw I will do jackshit about this”.
Or the ones whining about virtually everything, all the time. Wtf why do I have to be on scrum at 12 tomorrow?! Wtf why do I have to record the result of that customer call? Wtf why should I talk with XYZ?
And if you leave them alone, everything burns. They actually need someone to tell them “hey mate you need to improve that, shall we plan something to do so?”. I think managers are useless and unneeded when you have adults working, but it seems like most of the population is composed of children. It’s basically another form of daycare.
And you have to prepare shit around all of these constraints.
Then you have the one guy that reads the requirements, has common sense, and is inoffensive and can work like a normal adult human that needs no baby sitting. A ray of light on this shitshow.
I just want to go back to pure dev.22
