I don't want to judge people by their age, and I won't.
But please
If you decided to become web developer at the age of sixty+, stop starting every single conversation with the 3min monologue about how different things were in your days when you were doing everything on paper and how great it was.
I'm here to fucking teach you how to code. Not to invent a time machine and send you back.
And for God's sake, stop touching my laptop.

Our team just got the best email from our client hahaha

Other languages:
Go fuck your this.
Python:
Go fuck your self.

Instagram, a social network all about pictures... No, you can't see them full screen!

Signed up for an Android course at my uni and expected to have some fun with Android Studio and modern app development technologies...
Turns out that we're working with Blockly (no coding). We will write our exam with Blockly. The course is mandatory and I cannot opt out.
I've been a dev since 7 years and I am dead inside already.

Totally agree...

I think they need to "defrag" the port

If you have a bad day, don't worry.
It won't change.

I'm so sick of all these fat frontend websites.

Transferring dozens of megabytes of mostly unused libraries is not acceptable.

A browser tab crunching up CPU time because everything must be "beautifully animated" (🤢) and processed without involving page reloads/backend is not acceptable.

A response time of over a second is not acceptable.

Cryptic error messages and random popups asking you to reload your page, not acceptable.

Sticky elements/popups breaking access on small screens is not acceptable.

Running hundreds of ajax calls per minute as heartbeats/probes
and crashing the page when the internet has a hiccup, not acceptable.

Fuck Asana, Fuck Twitch, Fuck LinkedIn, Fuck Youtube, Fuck the dozens of other SPAs which unload their truckload of diarrhea into a tab, yet fail to load crucial functionality about half of the time.

Fuck any page that breaks when you block Facebook, Doubleclick, Twitter or Google Analytics. To hell with websites depending on cookies or javascript loaders to display anything.

I want webpages to be interactive informational documents again.

Fuck off with your apps.

If you want to make an app, learn to use a real language, and get the fuck out of my browser.

You are allowed to be dumb OR to be rude.
Never both.

I drank left over coffee last night... Couldn't fall asleep.

I drank coffee for lunch in the office... still can't stay awake and want to go home....

Why???!!!! 3hrs left....

*Builds a web component for a client website*

CLIENT: I don't like it, can I have it a tiny bit over to the right more

ME: Taps the arrow key a few times making it look like I'm doing something.(Which actually does nothing)

Client: 👌Perfect

😂😂😂 Wut 😂😂😂

Me: "I'll get it done for you as soon as" possible.
Customer: "I hope it's sooner than possible."

Client: We are really happy with your work and enjoy working with you!
Me: Thanks, happy to hear that! I appreciate our collaboration as well.
Client: Great! So... can we get a discount?

Why do people think that being nice also means being cheap!?