Simple flowchart XD

Yo mama so fat her SQL Table entry is a blob

Popularity of programming languages according to the DRRDSI (DevRant Rubber Duck Selling Index):

1. JS
2. Java
3. Python
4. C#
5. PHP
6. C++
7. Ruby
8. SQL
9. Swift

Overheard from a sales call (involving web templates):

"Sometimes I really don't get our devs. They come up with all these ridiculous meaningless acronyms for everything, and yet they go mental if you dare shorten Javascript to Java."

Boss: I saw your last commit, great work!
Dev: But... You told me to delete all the features I added...
Boss: Yes, fantastic improvements!

me: im tired of coding here

boss: then go home and code there

me: GREAT SEE U TOMORROW

boss: okay, tomorrow bring a pillow, slippers and food so you'll feel more comfy coding!

How programmers comment their code

Client: Can I speak to the developer responsible for my website?
Developer: Speaking...
Client: You have a deep voice for a 5 year old.

"I can write a script to do your job"

!rant

Went to see my brother today. Before I could say hi, I saw the following:

- Desktop, Windows playing video
- Thinkpad, Linux mint, Arduino IDE
- Arduino board with some sensors
- Coffee
- Complaining about light theme

I've only thought him a bit of C# and SQL. They grow up so fast :')

(Before today, I only knew he was gonna learn Python)

Steps to writing more readable and cleaner code:
1) write shitty code that gets the job done
2) take a screenshot of set code
3) post it on devRant and blame it on a coworker
4) someone will reply with a clean solution within a couple hours
5) copy and paste that solution then push to repo

Any vim lovers here?

Asynchronous No. Hmmm.

Your ego will hurt you FAR more than your junior coding skills

What. The. Fuck. Did. Just. Happen.

A random girl followed me on social media. She looked nice and intelligent so I followed her back.

Started to chat about some random stuff. She told me she works at the HR department of an international company and asked me what's my job. Told her I'm a software developer.

Right after that she sent me a selfie. Obviously I said she looks nice, she thanked it and asked some more about my job. After a short discussion I received another selfie but somewhere in between she lost the outer layer of her clothing.

She still looks nice but now I'm sitting here utterly confused and cant tell whether it was my sarcastic humour and moderately handsome facial features which charmed her or she just needs to recruit someone for a new project and willing to do everything to reach the quota.

Never delete code immediately. Always comment it out first.

If Gordon Ramsay made code reviews, I would watch that show. Especially the insults he would use for handling clients.

"This code has so much spaghetti, it decided to open it's own restaurant"

People are worried that AI will replace them in their jobs.

But guys.

We are still using php.

I think we are safe for the next 200 years.

This is not a direct advice but something I noticed sometime ago.

In a company I worked at, one of the more senior guys was working on task and stopped to ask the rest of the team about something related to that task. One junior guy offered to help and started explaining and I saw the senior guy listening carefully giving him his full attention.

The thing I took out of this is to listen to those around us even if they seem to have less experience. You surely will learn something.

best advice:
skip the mouse, use the keyboard

Once a fellow dev gave me the advice of always questioning the enhancements and fixes that are asked to be done. She said i should always ask things like is this a legitimate enhancement asked for by the client? Is it really required? Will it alter any existing established flow of our system? Etc.

At least I found this helpful because it saved us a ton of unnecessary work that would later have to be rolled back.

"Don't try to memorize everything, after you've coded for a while you'll start remembering it, even the best devs Google shit ALL THE TIME."

Best advice

"you only learn how to swim when you're pushed in the pool, not by reading books on swimming"

Don't be stressed about day-to-day challenges/problems. They'll mean nothing in one year or even one month. But the health damage caused by stress will stay with you.

"Don't give your 100%. Never. Once you gave, managers will start expecting more than that." - My mentor.

3 years ago.....

*lunch break. In a table with 2 other co-workers*

Me: "I am going to quit today!"
Co-worker 1: "What? I am going to do that today too!"
Co-worker 2: "Are you serious? I was planning to do that too today!"
Me: "Holy cow! Let's do that today the three of us, but I am going last one. I want to see his face (our CEO)".

After couple of minutes and disagreement, we agreed to do that.

When I told him (I was the last to tell himm), he was sweating and his face was red. Started to throw offensive words towards me. I was expecting that and came prepared. BUT, in the middle of his words saying "I hire you because no one would hire you" etc, quietly and with a smile on my face, I interrupted him saying, "Look, is this going to take long? Because I gotta go somewhere and I am not in the mood to listen to you!"

He started to shake from that rage he had inside him. I know he wanted to punch me. But nothing happened.

I still remember his face like it was yesterday. :P

Epilogue:
My aunt's husband and him were best friends. He called him saying what happened. Of course, I was the one to blame. Since my parent knew what kind of guy he is, they told me "You did good for being quiet, not screaming and not acting like a child!"

Secretary of the IT department stated in a meeting that she was "overqualified to babysit a group of 40 grown-ass men who are unable to communicate with each other"

... all devs had a huge grin on their faces because we knew that she was absolutely right, management was furious 😂

She submitted her resignation on the same day, best secretary we've ever had!

*In Office
Coworker raises his head, looks at boss: "I'm leaving".

Boss raises head looks at coworker: "Ok".

All this took 5 seconds,..the weirdest 5 seconds of my life

Truth has been spoken!