Yes, i'm a programmer
No, I do not install windows and drivers
No, I don't know what is the best laptop for you
No, I don't know why your internet is lagy
I'm sorry, I'm just a programmer

More Timezones

client side validation ?

Users.applyAll(u -> u.watchOut(true), u -> u.setCry(false), u -> u.setPout(false));
Users.each(u -> u.tell(He.getName() + " is coming to " + TownRegistry.getCommonName()));

List<Object> list = He.composeList();

He.validate(() -> list);
He.validate(() -> list);

List<Object> naughty = He.filter(He.UserType.NAUGHTY, () -> list);
List<Object> nice = He.filter(He.UserType.NICE, () -> list);

He.with(naughty, nice).arrive(TownRegistry.next());

Users.each(u -> u.setStateObserver(User.State.SLEEPING, He.asObserver()));
Users.each(u -> u.setStateObserver(User.State.AWAKE, He.asObserver()));
He.subscriptions().monitorEvents(s -> s.type == He.EventType.BAD);
He.subscriptions().monitorEvents(s -> s.type == He.EventType.GOOD);
He.subscriptions().each(s -> He.advisor(He.EventType.GOOD).advice(s));

Today I found this jewel in a PR of a respected dev of my workplace:
if(conditions)
{
return true;
}
else
{
return false;
}

Just stumbled upon this!

Software engineer

I am doing a test on security on my server. I need people to hack it and report the findings.

My server IP is 127.0.0.1

Genius troll 😂😂

If you feel useless, remember, Word has a dark theme

Client: The webpage has been inaccessible all weekend!!

Me: Oh you mean the page you need to have a VPN connection to access?

Client: Yes that one!

Me: Are you connected to the VPN?

Client: Oh...no I'm not. *connects to VPN* Its working now.

Is this Docker ?

damn this is brilliant

🤔 If developers were linguists...

Person 1: How do you say "????" in Italian?

Person 2: Why don't you use Japanese? It's a much better language.

Omfg this fucking guy!!!!

Context:

We are going through a major refactor of some of our backend components. I was tasked with cleaning up our ML code while another guy was tasked with cleaning up the general CRUD side of the backend, let's call him DA for "dumb ass".

** At 11pm
DA: I am getting a strange error from your backend. Look:

"Invalid call: method=PUT expected=[POST]"

Me: you need to send a post request not a put request

DM: no, it's not that. I am sending the right thing

Me: ... Let me see...

* 15min ish of testing *

No, it works fine on my version, 1.1.0 what's your version?

DM: I'm on 1.1.0.

Me: send me code?

DM: *send

"request.put(..."

Me: you are sending a PUT... It's literally in the screenshot. Send a Post

DM: I am

Me: no, send a Post

DM: I don't understand, I am sending the request

Me: it's a post not a put

DM: but...

Me: it's a post not a put
Me: good night!!!!!!

Me : The website renewal bill is up and it will due in 30 days

Client : Sleep

Me : 14 days

Client : Sleep

Me : 7 days

Client : Sleep

Me : Last notice, it'll be dead tommorow if we dont pay today

Client : Sleep

*website dies*

Me : F

Client the day after suspension : Hey, we can't access the site.

Me : Play dead

***

I think i should say "email service will die if you don't pay the renewal bill" instead

based on how quick they react when shit stopped working

Just spent 3 hours trying to understand why my compiler isn`t even trying to compile my code until i found out it was a known clang bug.

Jesus...

Shit happens... but never let your shit go to far... specially while in production or drunk.

hello world

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Defragmentation

[via https://twitter.com/jeremiahtolbert...]

Friend: What is the easiest way to become a developer?

Me: Just buy an Android phone.

So I just started going to university and have a subject called "programming", we are taught Java, Haskell and Prolog. Every week there is a sheet with homeworks, programming tasks. Often we get something like a boilerplate, so we implement some methods and stuff like that. Those tasks are prepared and created by scientific assistants. They upload the boilerplate and sheets. Take a look at the programming style they follow in Java. Actually I can't find a pattern they follow, except from the spacing between the lines. We are 1000 students in the informatics course, of which probably 10% know how to properly program 😅
So like 900 people see and adapt/learn this real bad coding convention. It really pisses me off, that they basically don't give a shit about convention or teaching them. I have to say that the logic some times is as worse as the conventions 😓
Besides I am not cocky with conventions, but I think at a high-class university they should teach proper convention.

Busted

My company is like:

Boss: How long do you estimate to make a universe?
God: 14 billion years.
Boss: You have 7 days. Please reserve 1 for Q&A.

I sometimes feel like humans are the stupid ones though ^^

Apple offices be like..

Me: *accidentally opens DevTools*

1.269427 milliseconds later...

Person: TEACHER! He’s HACKING INTO GOOGLE DRIVE!!!

Teacher: *glances at computer* Oh my gosh! That is ILLEGAL! Go to the office immediately.

I reluctantly headed to the office and calmly explained what happened. Luckily, some people have a bit of common sense and let me go.

Base10 is interesting.
Did you know that any number > 9 has this weird thing where if you sub it's digits from the number over and over, it'll eventually become 9?

For example: 35
35 - 3 - 5 = 27
27 - 2 - 7 = 18
27 - 1 - 8 = 9

Try it with any number you like.