Recently found so many 299++ and I gave them all the last one for the stress ball. Enjoy it fellas

I have a client (a friend of a friend of a friend) who came to me to build them a "simple" booking solution for their home cleaning business. Easy enough, I first thought.

Having taken a deposit based on my initial quote and contracts all signed, roll on exactly 8 months to where I find myself today.

It turns out, there is no cleaning business as the business will be totally reliant on the website. The original goalposts have now been moved to a completely different fucking country. The (now) required functionality has STILL yet to be finalised (I told client I'm not writing another line of code until EVERYTHING has been mapped out and made crystal clear), as every single face-to-face meeting / back and forth email turns into the client requesting hundreds more brilliant, essential features that make absolutely ZERO fucking sense. And now, to top it all off and push me into writing my first ever rant on here, I've just received an email from the client this morning saying "what I would like to have is like an online restaurant live booking system". WTF?!?!?

I work from home and have only my dog for company today, so please don't judge me. Just needed to let it all out.

Everyone here ranting about a fucking missing semicolon. I can't remember the last time a missing semicolon was the issue...

You wanna know what's REALLY BALL-BUSTING????

WHEN THE FUCKING 10 y/o LEGACY CODEBASE, CODED BY FUCKING PHP WORDPRESS SCRIPTERS WHO THOUGHT THEY COULD BUILD AN ENTERPRISE SHIT CAUSE ZF2 "LOOKS EASY" AND THEN FILL IT UP WITH SPAGHETTI, IS SO BAD WRITTEN THAT IN ORDER FOR THE PAGE TO RENDER YOU ACTUALLY ****HAVE**** TO DISABLE ERROR REPORTING SO WHENEVER A FUCKING ERROR HAPPENS ON THE TEMPLATE RENDER COMPONENT OF ZEND FRAMESHIT 2, YOU'RE LEFT WITH A FUCKING BLANK PAGE AND NOTHING IS LOGGED TO THE LOG FILE, SO YOUR ONLY OPTION IS DIE() DEBUGGING LINE BY LINE ON THE 1300 LINES PHTML FUCKFEST OF A VIEW THEY HAVE.

MISSING SEMICOLON? YES PLEASE, GIVE ME MORE OF THAT SHIT

If you hold up a UNIX shell to you ear, can you hear the C?

My friend Bob : "Hey meet my girlfriend Alice"
Me : "I always knew about you two"

They should come up with some term for non-developers, i.e muggles

What do you do when you have a big array filled with strings?

longStory.sort

True Story:
Friend uses my laptop on which I have disabled the CapsLock key, seriously asks me:

How do I type capital letters then?

#DeathByFacepalm

My brother and I have been messing with our IBM 5150 and doing cool stuff with it. I got it to play a youtube video via telnet via my bro's mac via mplayer with libcaca (ascii video output) + youtube-dl (a youtube downloader. The mac is doing all the heavy lifting, but it is still cool to see these images on a IBM 5150, just by typing a few commands on that old keyboard... more fun projects to come with this old thing.

Boyfriend and I decided to take on a simple Raspberry Pi project as an extra curricular thing to do before uni starts. He claims that I'm better at this sorta stuff than him, so I end up with the Pi for most of the week, but have immense trouble getting what we want to work.
I give up and pass it off to him to have a go when he's home. Few hours later he gets all the things I couldn't get done. I'm a mix of frustrated and relieved.
Unrelated, probably gonna wife that man

Sometimes I feel really bad becouse i am incapable of coding faster.
I saw someone coding a prototype of pong in 5 minutes.
It took me 30 minutes just to make the constructor function of the paddles

I wish this was not true.

My girlfriend doesn't talk to me anymore after I said I helped the new girl to do some penetration testing.

Okay, first rant here.
Spend most of my morning searching for a js file that was supposed to build some graphs in a report page in this legacy system (still in active development) just to find it embedded inside a random .php file being included inside a wall of if-elses (that shit has around 100 lines) on the index.php (that somehow manages to route all the nonsense that's going on there).. was it really that difficult to make it a proper .js file? and actually import it on the page that is using it? c'mon...

Recently my company worked in project with a big international company which uses a crazy framework to build a part of there webpage. This framework only used random IDs and class names and not even different html elements. And to completely freak out all elements are positioned absolute and on every change the whole page go rendered.

That moment when you've been slaving away after hours and before work and you decide to push all your local code (at least only the last week's worth) to BitBucket. But because everything you know about Android Development and SourceTree is self taught you manage to delete not only your online repository but all your local code as well. fml

Gonna rant about graphic design 'cos it's where I started this journey.
The hardest people to design for are creative people, photographers, musicians, artists etc.. because they think graphic design is just a small extension to their existing skills. Please Fuck Off! Also same goes for developers, graphic design is a discipline you have to study and takes years to perfect the art. I find it examples of non designed 'design' every day and it sickens me. Just look around at all the shite van livery, bad logos, shit menus, fucking junk mail etc... sometimes it can be torture....

But I don't think coding is easy, I respect the art and learn constantly, it amazes me how typing some shit can make awesome things happen. Devs rock!

"When I get home, I am definitely working on that personal project I've been wanting to do" *gets home* "...maybe tomorrow"

When you have to learn a new language so you can learn a framework so you can learn to integrate with an app you about to learn how to make.

Python trusts you. It says "hey, if you want
to go poking around in dark places, I'm gonna trust that you've got
a good reason and you're not making trouble."

After all, we're all consenting adults here.

When back-end engineers get excited about something.

Knock, Knock

Who is there?

Browserstandards

Browserstandards who?

ThereAreNo Browserstandards

#FuckIE

I'm sure most PHP peeps have come across the "Faker" library, which generates a plethora of random content for you.

Let this be a warning to you.

Today I used their "realText()" (see: https://github.com/fzaninotto/...) method when seeding a database for a client, which, oddly enough, generates text using real words.

The client wasn't too impressed and asked me why I would type in "So she began nursing her fat again" as a sample Faq. It required an email and call to the client to explain it was all auto generated text and I didn't type anything myself.

Should probably just use their basic lipsum text methods next to generate some gibberish :)

Finally the solution!

cease_all_motor_functions()