Me: Hey, guys, this stuff is seriously flammable. Like, I’m surprised it hasn’t caught fire yet. I really want to clean it up. Here’s how I’d make it better.

Management: No. It’s fine, it works. Don’t touch it. It’s getting replaced anyway. Just add the things on top like we asked you to, and call it a day.

Me: Are you sure? This is seriously going to be a problem.

Management: We just said it’s getting replaced. Don’t. touch. anything. OK?

Me: alright.

… Eight weeks later …

Management: so this thing caught fire over the weekend, and the fire spread to other areas. We’re doing some emergency cleanup. The new guy looked at it and figured out why, and has some great ideas on fixing it, so give him some well-deserved praise!

Me: Hey! I told you about this months ago!

Management: Yes. I tuned out during today’s firefighting meetings. But it’s important to strike a balance in everyone’s style. Do you have any other concerns?

Don't call is ECMAScript 6 — call it JS 2015.
Don't call it iPhone 16 — call it iPhone 2024. Or Apple Phone 2024.
Don't call it Ubuntu 24.10 Oracular Oriole — call it Ubuntu 2024.
Don't call it WiFi 802.11 b/g/n/ac/ax — call it WiFi 1 gb/s.
Don't call it SDXC II 3 10 — call it SD 300 mb/s.
Don't call it USB 3.2 gen 2x2 — call it USB 20 gb/s.
Don't call it Google Pixel 6A — call it Google Phone 2022 Lite.

STOP. Giving. Bullshit. Names! Make it SIMPLER for once.

So true

damn it

To anyone I offended this year:

Work on yourself so I don't gotta do it again in 2025.

Open letter to any website that is trying to implement "smooth scrolling" on their website using JavaScript: stop, consider how awful it is 100% of the time, and kill yourself please.

Ads are intentionally produced litter.

Managers gettin horny when they realize that AI doesn't even need a free pizza party once a year to stay motivated

Microsoft, why the fucking fucking bastardising arse knobbing fuck would ANYONE want to open a directory on the LOCAL C DRIVE in the PISSING BROWSER?

Anyone got a funny derogatory term for someone that is an AI fanboy a bit too much

Got scammed on devrant by sketchy cryptocoin recovery services? Like a total dumb ass you clicked a sketchy link? Did you suffer temporary retardation and believed a scammer?

You may be entitled to public humiliation! Contact our services (totally not sketchy AF) and get doxxed, reposted, and made to look like a complete fool! (Javascript devs excluded, they suffer enough just existing.)

1-800-dumb-fuk wtfuthinking@dumbass.git

I can't focus during the day, I don't have enough energy to do chores in the evening, I can't sleep during the night, and I can't wake up on time in the morning.

It seems like a curse that keeps getting worse.

Can we please stop with the multiverse crap? Please, just stop.
I watched Deadpool & Wolverine yesterday and what a shitshow.
Logan was an excellent send-off to Wolverine. An excellent one.
It showed that Marvel can actually make good movies.
Why did Marvel have to ruin it?

The issue with multiverse plotlines is that nothing is ever serious, there are no stakes, nothing matters.
Anyone who dies can come back. Anything that happens can be reversed.
Just. Fucking. Stop.

One of my favourite franchises, Mortal Kombat, got ruined with MK1 multiverse story.
Played the game for about 30 minutes then deleted it. What a disappointment.

From now on, if a movie features multiverse or time travel crap, I ain't watching.

Things that shouldn't have needed to be said:
Don't give an LLM sudo and pipe all it's output to bash...
https://theregister.com/AMP/2024/...

Support has today gotten the bug report that a user cannot make phone calls from Antarctica

lol

client cto: "SOMEBODY COMPROMISED YOUR KEY!!!! IT SHOWS SOMEBODY LOGGED IN TO DEVOPS GUY'S ACCOUNT USING KALI LINUX!!!!! HERE ARE THE LOGS!!!!"

the logs: *show an ip address*

the ip address: *ip address of the office*

devops guy: *actually uses kali linux*

not really a rant, just found it funny

Is it my imagination or are the developers who write user interfaces in 2024 completely retarded?

There are only two kinds of open source projects:
1. Short, all-lowercase, starts with “lib”, written in C, obscure author, used by 80% of the electronic devices on earth and in space, the modern civilization as we know it will collapse immediately should this library disappear
2. Name that tells you nothing, readme has the “Philosophy” section and emojis, written in JavaScript, author has 20k Twitter followers and 50k GitHub stars. When you run it, your laptop’s coolers start spinning like crazy
3. Common Lisp

Had to go to HR today. They heard I was making disabled icons with Gimp. I told them that if I can't use Gimp it will handicap my efficiency and retard my progress.

Snap Store can't update Snap Store because Snap Store is running—a foreseeable dilemma.

Insertion sort exists

99% of devs:

Bubble sort for the win!!

Just... use... framework-provided sort! Stop trying to do it yourself!

Our customers are fucking incredible QA Engineers, holy fuck tits. Every single day, some fucking fuckface finds a way to break this garbage can legacy application that I've spent the last year combing over and patching as I find problems or are otherwise made aware of them.

Honestly, I have some QA background myself, but these types of issues would just absolutely never in a bajillion shitting farting years occur to me to do.

They are masters of breaking shit, I am so FUCKING IMPRESSED. Almost as impressed that this application hasn't been replaced after ten years of bullshit, and that the two massive fucking retards that preceded me didn't just do it the right way by accident or fucking kill themselves out of shame.

And so it happened.
My company installed app-operated locks in the office.
Today the internet went down during the night and nobody could get in to even get their laptops to work from home :))))
Brilliant move and there's certainly not been anybody who could have predicted that.

If finally happened. My cats broke me down.

After years of spotty internet, in which I couldn't resolve websites, to which the solution always was to reach down and push the RJ45 jack with the broken off clip that connects my router to my pihole back in, because my cats pulled it out once again.

They made me do. They finally made me do it. After all those years. Today, my cat pulled it out like ten times in a row... So I finally did it. I walked over in the other room, grabbed a new cable and plugged that one it.

Try that again, cat. I dare you. Try it again!

Why pre-order digital products? I don't get it. Please educate me.

If it doesn't work, it doesn't matter how fast it doesn't work.

When I see the term "self-explanatory" in documentation, it's usually not.

Kiki’s meme of the day

Hiring Manager: Thanks for interviewing for the position. But the things we listed as "nice to haves" are actually required for the job so we aren't going to hire you.

Raid as water