Difference between C# and Javascript
Me: Hold my cup of tea.
C#: That's not a cup of tea.
Me: Hold my cup of tea, with two teaspoons of sugar in it.
C#: That's not a cup of tea with two tea spoons of sugar in it.
Me: Hold my cup of tea, with two teaspoons of sugar and milk in it.
C#: That is not a cup of tea, with two teaspoons of sugar and milk it.
...
Me: Hold my cup of tea.
Javascript: I'll hold your cup of coffee.

How to make sure your users appreciate your work

Huehuehue

Atwood's Law: any application that can be written in JavaScript, will eventually be written in JavaScript.

Physical version of spaghetti code

My 6 year old has been learning about trees at school, and had questions for me. Needless to say, she now has the best understanding of data structures in her class, and I expect parents evening will be "interesting"

What color do you want the database?

Apple gets a dark theme... Wonder if they still think they are 'light years ahead'.

Can't find the bug for hours. Next day find it immediatly.
Sometimes try and get some distance to your code.

Who, after switching to Linux, started naming their files and folders without spaces?

When frontend is ready before backend

(was teaching C++ to a newbie)

Me: aight, so to print a statement, you type cout.

(Proceeds to do so)

Her: um, okay but printer is not connected.

Me: aw, you poor thing.

Memory Lane

Started sniffing the packets on a public wifi hotspot. Found someone was reading TheHackerNews and got excited.😲 Later realised it was myself. 😯

Had an interview this morning..
Interviewer - have you used github?
Me - yes
Intw - so, you have a profile on github?
Me - yes (** in mind, I don't think github will allow me without that **)

Intw - how many commits have you done?
Me - ** what kinda qust is this ** well,... Yeah... Umm.. A lot! 🙄

Intw - how much is a lot for you?
Me - umm... Well... A lot lot... So many... I mean a lot of... **Long pause** .... You see, I'm a commitment type of guy. ** Wtf did i just say?**

Intw - Whattt!! Then he laughed.

... and I used to think that my days of embarrassing interviews are over. I'm not going to that company doesn't matter what happens. Shitt 😐

Another gem from r/ProgrammerHumor

Living in the middle east be like

(- _ -)

- Hello! Gordon's pizza?
- No sir it's Google's pizza.
- So it's a wrong number?
- No sir, Google bought it.
- OK. Take my order please ..
- Well sir, you want the usual?
- The usual? You know me?
- According to our caller ID, in the last 12 times, you ordered pizza with cheeses, sausage, thick crust
- OK! This is it
- May I suggest to you this time ricotta, arugula with dry tomato?
- No, I hate vegetables
- But your cholesterol is not good
- How do you know?
- Through the subscribers guide. We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years
- Okay, but I do not want this pizza, I already take medicine
- You have not taken the medicine regularly, 4 months ago, you only purchased a box with 30 tablets at Drugsale Network
- I bought more from another drugstore
- It's not showing on your credit card
- I paid in cash
- But you did not withdraw that much cash according to your bank statement
- I have other source of cash
- This is not showing as per you last Tax form unless you got it from undeclared income source
-WHAT THE HELL? Enough! I'm sick of Google, Facebook, twitter, WhatsApp. I'm going to an Island without internet,where there is no cell phone line and no one to spy on me
- I understand sir, but you need to renew your passport as it has expired 5 weeks ago..

I got attacked by ransomware and was asked for money...

I sent them my salary slip..They removed it from my computer immediately..

I wanna cry.

Me when I started coding: I can get this done under an hour, I'll add tons of comments and write it beautifully without errors

Me now: Yeah I can probably write these 5 lines and have them ready in about a year or so

This is awesome.

USB sounds like a backup in case the USA fails

The game 'Factorio' should be required gaming experience for all programmers. Best way I've ever seen to learn load balancing and how to break down complex operations into smaller, manageable operations.

Me and my girlfriend are arguing, because I'm programming a lot and I don't have time to give her attention. She said if I don't give her attention, she will break up with me.
Any suggestion where I can find a good tutorial for C#?

its 2:30 here and ill have to wake up for work at 7:00 and im trying to figure out what the hell is redux

Interviewer : most software developers are male, why do you choose to vw developer

Me : cannot afford transgender operation, happy with my gender

I thought i didn't get the job

So my boss told be about this game, try it out the next time you have an office party with other developers. It goes like this... You all sit around a table with shots ready to drink at your disposal, each person takes a turn and must simply say a noun, it can be anything. The next person must then Google the noun + '.js' added to the end, if the library exists, that person must drink a shot. Continue until everyone is sufficiently in a vegetated state. Good luck!

The joys of web dev

Teacher: What is recursion?

Me: This https://www.devrant.io/rants/533667