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AboutDeveloper
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Skillsjava, android
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LocationDelhi, India
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Github
Joined devRant on 7/5/2016
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My dumb CEO just hired an even dumber CTO. The new CTO asked me the following questions...
1. What is GitHub?
2. What is JSON?
3. What’s an array?
4. What is Get and what is Post?
5. When an iPhone is offline, can it call an API on our server to tell us it’s offline?
6. I know you’ve spent 11 month the writing this backend in PHP but can you change it to Java now?
Me: Why?
Dumb CTO: Because it’s better.
Me: How?
Dumb CTO: because it is.
7. I know you’ve started to rewrite this codebase I Java but can you convert it to Node.JS now?
Me: Why?
Dumb CTO: Because Facebook uses it.
8. What is MySQL? Why aren’t you using a database instead?
9. What does NULL mean?
Somehow, I doubt that asshole is remotely qualified for the job.
Fakin shyt for brains.180 -
We will no longer be accepting contracts which have an internet explorer or edge support requirement.
All of the front end devs are going hysterical and celebrating 😂 🎉🎉17 -
Developer: We have a problem.
Manager: Remember, there are no such things as problems, only opportunities.
Developer: Well then, we have a DDoS opportunity.53 -
Real HR policy ...
HR Manager in Heaven!!!
One day while walking down the street a highly successful HR Manager was hit by a bus and she died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was greeted by God himself.
"Welcome to Heaven," said God. "
"Well, What we're going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in."
"Actually, I think I've made up my mind, I prefer to stay in Heaven", said the woman.
"Sorry, we have rules."
And with that God put the HR Manager in an elevator and it went down-down-down to hell.
The doors opened and she found herself stepping out onto the hell wt beautiful golf course. And a country club and standing in front of her were all her friends - fellow executives that she had worked with and they were well dressed in evening gowns and cheering for her. they talked about old times.
She met the Devil who was really a nice guy and She was having such a good time that before she knew it, it was time to leave.
Everybody waved goodbye as she got on the elevator.
The elevator went up-up-up and opened back up at the Pearly Gates and found God waiting for her.
"Now it's time to spend a day in heaven," he said. So she spent the next 24 hours around on clouds and playing the harp and singing. She had great time and before she knew it her 24 hours were up and God came and got her.
"So, you've spent a day in hell and in heaven. Now u must choose ur eternity,"
The woman paused for a second and then replied, "Well, I never thought I'd say this, I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I think I had a better time in Hell."
So God escorted her to the elevator and again she went down-down-down back to Hell.
When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standing in a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. She saw her friends were dressed in rags and were picking up the garbage and putting it in sacks.
The Devil came up to her and put his arm around her.
"I don't understand," stammered the woman, "yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we danced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland of garbage and all my friends look miserable."
The Devil looked at her smiled and said:
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"Yesterday we were recruiting you, today you're an Employee".😁😁😁
☝dedicated to all companies9 -
At a funeral.....
A visitor: What's the WiFi password here?
Priest: Respect the dead
Visitor: All small letters ?...6 -
Myself 1 week into programming
"I can build a website!!"
Myself 2 years later and multiple web and mobile apps launched
"I know nothing"5 -
When you have a super annoying problem that Google has been unable to help with... But you stumble upon a link with the exact title matching your issue... And clicking on it gives you a 404.15
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Every time someone posts their multi monitor setup I'm looking at my setup and be like: "Will this community accept me?"36
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Just because I'm a programmer doesn't mean I'm some nerd that watches anime, relishes in video games, and spends more time around computers than around girls!
Even though that's all true...10