Code never lies. Comments sometime do.

Writes code.
Doesn't work as intended.
Debug.
Works as intended.
Tests other scenarios.
Don't work as intended.
Debug.
Works as intended in scenarios.
Scenario 1 fails.
Stares at code.
Staring doesn't work as intended.
Fuck...

An entirely typical exchange at work:

PM: How long would it take to build an application that collates Gubblefluffs and exports them as a PDF?

ME: Hard to say. What’s a Gubblefluff?

PM: Nothing complex. Its basically an object with some stuff in.

ME: Erm, okay. So I’ll define a Gubblefluff object plus methods to add edit and delete, then for each Gubblefluff have it write a line to a PDF.

PM: It will need to email that PDF to somebody.

ME: Okay, cool. “Gubblefluffs-by-email” should take about a day.

6 hours later…

ME: I’ve done Gubblefluffs-to-pdf, I’m not clear on what’s in a Gubblefluff but I’ve made it flexible so it can take almost anything.

PM: No, a Gubblefluff can ONLY be one of 4 Snigglefingers plus a timestamp and some JSON.

ME: What? Right. Okay. What’s a Snigglefinger?

PM: (sighs) A Snigglefinger is the collection of relevant Babelsets.

ME: Babelsets?

PM: Yeah, a user can have any number of Babelsets but they must correspond to one of the four types of Snigglefingers.

ME: There are users!?

PM: Of course!

ME: But I’ve not coded anything for users.

PM: Shit. I’ve told the client they can have it today. How long to add in users?

ME: And Babelsets, and Snigglefingers and the new Gubblefluff rules?

PM: Yeah.

6 days later…

ME: This is done now. It’s a beast but it works. Who should it email the PDFs to?

PM: Client X, plus cc to Y and bcc to Z.

ME: What? It doesn't support CC and BCC!

1 hour later…

ME: This is done. I’ve tested it and sent you a copy of the PDF it generates.

PM: Okay thanks. Is the cron running daily?

ME: What cron?

…

ME: Okay, so the cron’s running once a day at 8pm.

PM: Oh, it’ll need to be at 3:15pm. That’s when we’ve told the client they’ll get it.

ME: Right. I’ll change it...

PM: Also, the PDF you sent me looks nothing like the visual.

ME: What visual?
...

How to make sure your users appreciate your work

The 21st century: Deleting history is more important than making it.

Reading other people's code.

!rant

Pornhub goes completely https

Developers should be proud.

Error 404. Dead Link.

A couple of weeks ago I posted about me making my own reclaimed desk, after a long process of sanding and oiling constantly here is the finished product and I couldn't be happier

I want these on my car

When an application has tons of security holes and fixes never make it into sprint prioritization because "they're not new features"

when there's full-on nulear war in the kitchen between team vim and team emacs, and you're at your desk using sublime text and actually getting shit done.

when i merge two files manually

When the project you've been working on gets canned at 85% completion since your project stakeholder decides to go back to the contractor he was initially trying to replace...

How's your morning, fellow devs?

There is a special place in hell for people who drink the last of the coffee and don't make a new pot!

You know you're productive when your coffee turns cold before you finish it.

"Why is this not working, it was working before!!??😤"
--finally fix problem--
"How the hell was it working before??"

#kim-kardashian {
padding-bottom: 9999px;
}

People that call it "The Google".

When your app is in internal testing and you tell them specifically "this part won't work in test" .. Then 20 minutes later you get an email about it as a bug. 😞

When you spend 15 minutes writing the code, and 4 hours coming up with the perfect name for the class/method/variable

Decided to go flexbox despite issues with Safari 6 (global usage at 0.02%). The boss, its wife, a friend of them and a coworker NEVER UPDATED Safari on its devices and send tons of angry emails with captures of the broken site. This is the biggest 0.02% ever seen!!

"We don't need to design this page, we'll just wing it in dev. It's not an important page."

result: 47 jiras about choice of fonts, alignment, padding, missing images that were never provided, how it looks shit on mobile and can we make it black instead?

Great guide 🙌🏼😅

When your project manager pisses you off so much, you could punch a baby or drown a puppy....

When the change log says "fixed bugs and improved performance" only to find the entire application has been redesigned.

Thanks @dfox for wonderful stickers and hand note 🙌🏼

When the boss believes that adding more devs to a project in the last week of a three month stint will "get it out the door faster".

Because baking that cake at twice the temperature for half the time worked so well last time, we'll do it while the oven is rolling down a cliff.

If the website i'm working on was a person, i'd punch it in the face

Love it when PM/business adds a bunch of extra tickets on the last week of a 3 week spring.

Or

I love it when business sends you a requirement, you build it, then they add more requirements that contradict the original requirements