One day at a doctor who started a small conversation:
Doc: What is your job?
Me: I am a software developer, I write computer programs basically.
Doc: Interesting. How does it work?
Me: Oversimplified you have special languages to tell the computer what to do and then this is converted into a program you can start on your PC. The languages are a bit like basic english (thought of Pascal at this moment).
Doc: So then it is a pretty simple job.

Me thinking: OMFG yes that's why I studied it 6 years, because it's soo easy.

Me thinking at home: Next time tell them that you are a computer scientist and that it is applied mathematics basically. Maybe then they will get a clue of the complexity. 🤔

Watched this movie called Unthinkable where the guy who is supposed to defuse the bomb is typing gibberish into Excel 😂😂😂

How to make a perfect software:

Always think that the user is an idiot

Client: We have a HUGE security problem.

Me: *thinks about any possible vulnerabilities* What is it?

Client: A user can take a picture of our website and steal our content.

I’m done for today.

Stopped using Facebook.
..
Stopped using Instagram.
..
Started reading rants on devRant.
..
Life is awesome ♥️

Can I have a job?

Do you have experience with PHP?

Not really.

You're hired!

Me when I'm FREE :
Hmm, I don't have anything to do, let's sleep for 10 hours..

Me when I have to STUDY :
Let's watch that latest episode of Mr. Robot
Let's complete that side-project I started to 10 years ago..
Let's learn something new in Android Development...
Let's scroll devRant..

So everyone is showing their setup, I thought why not share mine.

Boss: “Our YouTube channel doesn’t look at all like our website.”

Me: “I’ve made it look as close to our branding as YouTube allows for with its limited editing controls.”

Boss: “This is unacceptable. I expected more from you.”

Me: “I cannot accept the blame for this. YouTube is setting the design parameters for all channels and I can only do so much.”

Boss: “You can call the YouTube, can’t you? Why didn’t you call them?”

Me: “.......and ask them....what?”

Boss: “You don’t ask! You tell! Our company has been around for 140 years. Our brand name carries that weight. They’ll change their design to what we need if you’re assertive enough.”

Me: “Ma’am, that’s just not how this works. That’s not how any of this works.”

After 1,5 months of customer support as a Linux support engineer, I can honestly say:

Fuck wordpress.

(In science class)

Teacher: What are clouds made of?

Me: Servers, preferably Linux.

Teacher: ?

!rant

Hahahaha just typed "teste" (Portuguese for test) in duck duck go and it showed me a picture of testicles ( I guess...) With huge "Testicle" written above it in the middle of the office hahahaha

Hope no one saw that, it was funny.

So this fucking happened today.

Me: *sees support ticket coming in about some kind of login issue*

Me: *opens issue*

"Hello, I can't seem to login. There's an error"

Me: *sighs and thinks "at least give me that FUCKING error message then." *kindly replies with asking if they could send me the error message*

"Here it is. I don't understand what is going wrong
and what I have to do"

Me: *looks at error message*

"Invalid customer ID. Please make sure that your ID is correct. You can find it in the activation email we sent you when you registered".

😐 😶 😦

Me: *thinking okay what the fuck, are you fucking retarded or something?*

Me: *kindly replies: "It seems that you are not using the correct customer ID. You might want to look for it in the activation email we sent you!"*

"Oh okay thanks, how did you figure that out?"

Me: 😵 😐 😶 😭 🔫

Seriously what the actual fucking fuck.

Our programming teacher had a surgery on his left eye and will not be able to do the lessons with us. Guess what the subject of the email he sent us was.

"I can't C#."
He made a pun about his fucking health status, alright then.

I've always thought the "can you hack my facebook accout?" rants a little exaggerated.

Then it happened to me twice.

For fuck's sake, is that damn social media site so ingrained in your puny little brain that you can't ask me something else? Is "what do you program" not the more obvious question?

My IT teacher REQUIRES to write down our Office365 password into the notebook... It’s funny to me because I got one generated through LastPass and he doesn’t allow me to use it...

Last week my brother was visiting. I did some advanced partition management for his girlfriend (preparing a hard drive for backups) and used a Linux live system with gParted for that.

That's when he said "I guess it's time, that I get into Linux - what do I need to get started?".

\o/

Me: Hey Windows, I would love to use my Bluetooth headphones! Could you please turn on the Bluetooth?
Windows: Nope
Me: And why exactly?
Windows: I don’t know
Me: Then what I suppose to do?
Windows: Turn on Bluetooth
Me: Dude, but you can’t turn it on
Windows: I know
Me: So what the hell I suppose to do?
Windows: Maybe restart the computer?
Me: I’m downloading something man!
Windows: I don’t care

So I restarted it

Me: *accidentally opens DevTools*

1.269427 milliseconds later...

Person: TEACHER! He’s HACKING INTO GOOGLE DRIVE!!!

Teacher: *glances at computer* Oh my gosh! That is ILLEGAL! Go to the office immediately.

I reluctantly headed to the office and calmly explained what happened. Luckily, some people have a bit of common sense and let me go.

rant;

WHY DO PEOPLE DELETE STACKOVERFLOW QUESTIONS WHERE I AWNSERED THEM IN DETAIL WHAT TO DO AND WHY IT BEHAVES IN THE WAY IT DOES. THIS SHIT JUST WASTED MY TIME AND DOES NOT BENEFIT ANY USER WITH A SIMILAR ISSUE. THESE FUCKERS NEED TO GET THEIR EGOMANIAC SHIT TOGETHER IT IS NOT ALL ABOUT THEM AND STACKOVERFLOW IS NOT A FUCKING FREE OUTSOURCING COMPANY.

tl;dr don't awnser people on stackoverflow if they don't mark their past questions as awnered. It is a waste of time.

This is fucking annoying with some clients.

Client calls:
Me: Hello, how can I help you?
Client: *explains problem*
Me: *tells possible solution*
Client: you sound young, could you connect me to a more senior person?
Me: Sure.

Collegue: Hello, how can I help you?
Client: *explains problem again*
Collegue: *gives same solution as me*
Client: Oh uhm but that's the same solution the boy I had on the phone before you told me.
Collegue: Yeah......?
Client: well he sounded so young...
Collegue: Being young does not equal being inexperienced/less knowing about something.

Teacher: press F5

Student: presses f then 5

Me: dies

You see a web, I see:

CLIENT: TCP SYN
SERVER: TCP SYN ACK
CLIENT: HTTP Get
SERVER: HTTP Response
...
CLIENT: TCP FIN
SERVER: TCP FIN ACK

All I’m saying is that this spider has a clear understanding of Transfer Control Protocol.

Jeff Bezos hiring back in 1994.

Source: https://groups.google.com/forum/m/...

normal person: what's your most used emoticon?
me: );
person: aww why sad?
me: you can actually see ); in 75% of my code
person: what
me: disappears();

Just watched a video where someone (in relation to the new mass surveillance law in the netherlands) asked people on the street if they had something to hide.

Everyone said no.

"Could you get your phone and show me around?"

Everyone said yes.

"May I take a look at your messages/pictures/browsing history?"

Suddenly 80 percent said no.

"But you said you had nothing to hide!"

"I'm going to take that back."

I see this message after 75 days without closing devRant.

This made my day.
http://html9responsiveboilerstrapjs.com/...

Wanted to live outside the US. Was dating a Korean girl who moved back to Korea and was like why the hell not, let's go.

Worked at an American company that had a Korean office, so i thought it'd be easy mode. Took a working vacation to that office and interviewed. Brain froze on basic algorithms stuff - binary search. Failed to understand a logic question. But oddly enough, did well communicating with Korean developers with limited English knowledge.
Director talks to me at the end of the day, tells me they're looking for someone more senior. I bombed it, not mad.

...

Then he tells me he has a friend at one of the largest companies in Korea and that he'll be there to talk to me in two hours.
Dafuq

Chat with the dude. Supposedly, the larger company culture blows, but he has a little haven of badass developers and is known throughout the company for being an effective team builder. We talk for 90 minutes, and he days he'll hire me. Take a short online test to make sure I'm not a derp. Four months later, living in Korea and working, alas, sans girlfriend.

Been a year now. Ends up the company culture eventually crushed my boss. He was moved off the project, and then the project was scrapped. Yet they're starting a new project with the same group plus more because logic.

Today accepted an offer at a smaller company for a salary equal to my current salary plus bonus. Also, vidya gaems yayy.

I have got to have the silliest luck

Our website doesn't look the same on phone and desktop.

Please remove responsivness.