When you fire a project manager

we switched from GitHub to BitBucket and I saw my colleague try to run `bit status` because they thought GitHub = git so BitBucket = bit.

Had a good chuckle seeing that.

I bought Minecraft back in 2007 or 8. It was $20 and gave me access to Minecraft forever, all updates included.

Today Microsoft closed all the old mojang accounts and I no longer have access to Minecraft. I could have migrated to a Microsoft account, but it will be a cold day in hell if I ever open one of those.

Sounds like law suit material. Class action anyone?

WHY ARE SOME MFS ARE SO FU****N RUDE IN DEVRANT?

I'm going to install linux...

At my boss's funeral kneeling and whispering at the coffin

"Who's thinking outside the box now?"

Americans be like "I'm offended! My compiler said I have a syntax error!"

Nuff said...

Just read this in a blog post by Jon Arundel, I think he's spot on:

"Programmers are incurable optimists: we always think our code will work, despite much evidence to the contrary."

My girlfriend doesn't talk to me anymore after I said I helped the new girl to do some penetration testing.

"Whenever I see a door that says push I pull first to prevent conflicts"

What do you call a party with developers?

A git together

I'm so sorry.

Somewhat true...

Ramadan and dev work can either go really hand in hand, or it doesn't :(

Fuck you, I Quit

Dealing with non-techy people is annoying.
Dealing with non-techy people who THINK they are techy is even worse.

Story of a penguin fledgling, one of my end users whom I migrated from Win 7 to Linux Mint. She had been on Windows since Win 98 and still uses Windows at work.

Three months before. Me, Linux might not be as good, but Win 10 is even worse. User, mh.
Migration. User, looks different, but not bad.
One month later. User, it's nice, I like it.
Three months later. User, why does Windows reboot doing lengthy stuff?
Six months later. User, I hate Windows. Why is everyone using this crap?
One year later. Malware issues at work. User to IT staff, that wouldn't have happened with Linux. Me, that's the spirit!

Return to office, return of the haikus:

Returned to office.
Time for the daily standup
On Microsoft Teams. 😒

Fuck it I’m posting it again because I got got by this…Again.

If this is how you write your APIs, take a number, get in line. I got some slapping to get out of my system.

To be honest, I'm not as excited as I was 6-7 years ago when our tech industry seen a big leap, where these ML/Deep Learning algorithms were out performing humans, Apache Spark out perfomed Hadoop in distributed computing, Docker/Kubernetes are the new phenomenon in software development and delivery, Microservices architecture, ReactJS virtual DOM concepts were so cool.

Really though, I've come realise that these software trends come and go. All you need to do is adapt and go with the flow.

I try to explain my problems to my 6yo twins. It is just HILARIOUS to see their small faces going "huh. Did you tried using that spark thing to send your emails for you?".
Srsly, they give better advice than half the devs I work with. Rubber ducking be damned.

----------------------------

Once a LinkedIn recruiter contacted me about a job position.

The same crap as always.

And then I replied: "sure I'll look"

And the recruiter sent: "?"

I replied back: "I'll take a look and give you a feedback if the positions fit me or not"

BOOM

Got ghosted

Best feeling ever

Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in its field.

Manager: We need to setup the security in the Mexico server

Dev: You mean that 3rd party firewall add on?

Manager: Yes

Dev: And set up the billing on the Mexico account?

Manager: Yes

Dev: lol, sure thing I’ll create the ticket

Manager: What’s so funny?

Dev: Nothing

Ticket: Build wall and get Mexico to pay for it.

My annoying 19-yo nephew wants to drop out of CompSci to "create the next billion-dollar startup".
I told him I would give him 10 rupees (USD 0.10) for 0.000000001% percent of his "pass me the butter at the diner table" company.
He accepted. Thus, his "heritage protein logistics startup" had an series-A valuation of a billion American dollars!
Hopefully he will stay in college now.

You will know your 2 year old dev team is messed up when the 'best programmer of the bunch' does a line like:

boolean check = ...some logic...;
if(check == true) {...

:/ and I'm going to be leading this team..

That was a new piece of info ...

Reasons I hate the US

1. It's fucking 2 in the morning there and folks are checking their Slack when they wake up for pee breaks or done after their sex sessions.

Nearly 90% of the team is on and off checking Slack.

2. Culture fucks have only 10 holidays and hence they align rest of the world to their calendar and only give 10 holidays. India, Europe, and entire world can easily get 15 holidays per year outside their leave quota.

What a cluster fuck of a country it is.

> 3 hour long mandatory online cybersecurity training
> Preaches that the company is very secure and the only risk of being “hacked” is if employees post company data on social media
> oksure.tar.gz
> Bored out of my mine
> Open dev console
> JSON continually getting sent to backend
> Simple structure and human readable fields including {complete: false}
> Open postman
> {complete: true}
> Send
> 200 response
> Refresh page
> Course complete
> :’ )

Muppets.