Details
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AboutJunior developer with a big imagination. Part-time musician, game developer, artist, sportsman and couch potato.
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SkillsC#, Java, js, Anything MVC related and Swift.
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LocationSouth Africa, Western Cape, Cape Town, Claremont
Joined devRant on 7/24/2018
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I swear all my clients are like these! I can probably teach a blind monkey faster than these idiots.
PC: marketoonist4 -
Nobody:
Senior frontend Dev at my company: "microservices best thing ever"
Also him: "Relational databases gonna die"
Also him (talking to the DB team): "You're gonna dissapear, Mongo is the future"
Me: "Eh... Dude, Mongo is still a database.."
Him: "Microservices"
Send help...27 -
what's the thing that reminds you, that you are a developer?
I said "the time complexity of finding my car in this parking lot is n factorial".11 -
~During app demo to our client~
- And when you click here the request will be submitted, the admin will be notified.
*App crashes*
- And of course the app will close itself since it's the end of the process.
- Client: That's good
- Me: ⊙﹏⊙13 -
Have you ever wondered we programmers have so many strong communities.... Stackoverflow, devRant, Reditt, etc...
No other profession has such communities... Why? Why?
Because, we haven't built one for them.... 😂😁61 -
Interviewer: Welcome, Mr X. Thanks for dropping by. We like to keep our interviews informal. And even though I have all the power here, and you are nothing but a cretin, let’s pretend we are going to have fun here.
Mr X: Sure, man, whatever.
I: Let’s start with the technical stuff, shall we? Do you know what a linked list is?
X: (Tells what it is).
I: Great. Can you tell me where linked lists are used?
X:: Sure. In interview questions.
I: What?
X: The only time linked lists come up is in interview questions.
I:: That’s not true. They have lots of real world applications. Like, like…. (fumbles)
X:: Like to implement memory allocation in operating systems. But you don’t sell operating systems, do you?
I:: Well… moving on. Do you know what the Big O notation is?
X: Sure. It’s another thing used only in interviews.
I: What?! Not true at all. What if you want to sort a billion records a minute, like Google has to?
X: But you are not Google, are you? You are hiring me to work with 5 year old PHP code, and most of the tasks will be hacking HTML/CSS. Why don’t you ask me something I will actually be doing?
I: (Getting a bit frustrated) Fine. How would you do FooBar in version X of PHP?
X: I would, er, Google that.
I: And how do you call library ABC in PHP?
X: Google?
I: (shocked) OMG. You mean you don’t remember all the 97 million PHP functions, and have to actually Google stuff? What if the Internet goes down?
X: Does it? We’re in the 1st world, aren’t we?
I: Tut, tut. Kids these days. Anyway,looking at your resume, we need at least 7 years of ReactJS. You don’t have that.
X: That’s great, because React came out last year.
I: Excuses, excuses. Let’s ask some lateral thinking questions. How would you go about finding how many piano tuners there are in San Francisco?
X: 37.
I: What?!
X: 37. I googled before coming here. Also Googled other puzzle questions. You can fit 7,895,345 balls in a Boeing 747. Manholes covers are round because that is the shape that won’t fall in. You ask the guard what the other guard would say. You then take the fox across the bridge first, and eat the chicken. As for how to move Mount Fuji, you tell it a sad story.
I: Ooooooooookkkkkaaaayyyyyyy. Right, tell me a bit about yourself.
X: Everything is there in the resume.
I: I mean other than that. What sort of a person are you? What are your hobbies?
X: Japanese culture.
I: Interesting. What specifically?
X: Hentai.
I: What’s hentai?
X: It’s an televised art form.
I: Ok. Now, can you give me an example of a time when you were really challenged?
X: Well, just the other day, a few pennies from my pocket fell behind the sofa. Took me an hour to take them out. Boy was it challenging.
I: I meant technical challenge.
X: I once spent 10 hours installing Windows 10 on a Mac.
I: Why did you do that?
X: I had nothing better to do.
I: Why did you decide to apply to us?
X: The voices in my head told me.
I: What?
X: You advertised a job, so I applied.
I: And why do you want to change your job?
X: Money, baby!
I: (shocked)
X: I mean, I am looking for more lateral changes in a fast moving cloud connected social media agile web 2.0 company.
I: Great. That’s the answer we were looking for. What do you feel about constant overtime?
X: I don’t know. What do you feel about overtime pay?
I: What is your biggest weakness?
X: Kryptonite. Also, ice cream.
I: What are your salary expectations?
X: A million dollars a year, three months paid vacation on the beach, stock options, the lot. Failing that, whatever you have.
I: Great. Any questions for me?
X: No.
I: No? You are supposed to ask me a question, to impress me with your knowledge. I’ll ask you one. Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
X: Doing your job, minus the stupid questions.
I: Get out. Don’t call us, we’ll call you.
All Credit to:
http://pythonforengineers.com/the-p...89 -
Developer: We have a problem.
Manager: Remember, there are no such things as problems, only opportunities.
Developer: Well then, we have a DDoS opportunity.53 -
11:00 AM
Boss: *autistic screaming* Make this module not shit.
Whole team: Alright we'll have a meeting to discuss changes at 6:00PM
5:00 PM
Me: I'mma fiddle just a bit with this module.... *fiddles a lot* *makes it not shit*.... cool, I'll just notify my team I fixed it.
LiterallyAtTheSameTime:00 PM
OtherDudeFromTeam *in my dm-s*: AY YO DUDE I FIXED THE PROBLEM LOL 😂😂😂
Me: iGiveUp.exe5 -
It blows my mind that Google, advertisers, and a lot of companies seem to not understand the concept of a need fulfilled.
Google news: If you notify me of an article, and then I click on that notification, you can assume I read it. And you can also assume that I don't wish to read it again 2hrs later! So stop notifying me!!!
Amazon, AdSense, Facebook, everyone else: just because I bought new headphones, doesn't mean I wanna see ads for headphones. Actually it means the exact opposite. I don't want new headphones. I literally just bought some. And I especially don't want the exact same ones. I already have them.
Somehow, the targeted ads are worse than random. That's annoying.
How is this hard?10 -
Companies: We are commited to linux and it is truly the future!
Developers: Awesome! So are you going to port your most popular softw-
Companies: AI! Machine Leaning! Cloud computing! Streaming!3 -
By Boss insists to do branch merge in a Skype meeting after work time.. he has nothing to do with development but he insists to be with us and lead the procedure..
He thinks this is how Devops works..2 -
Looking for a second opinion/validation.
*Me: “Perhaps this simple and concise way to ensure the user doesn’t lose their data before they leave the page that requires non-zero yet minimal input from the user. (Read: ya gotta push a save/submit button)”
*Everyone else: Let’s pretend to read the user’s mind and perform relatively complicated functions behind the scenes, of which the user will most likely be unaware, that will add an undetermined amount of complexity to the development because we think it’s “where things are going,” by saving the value of a certain HTML element as it loses focus.
Edit: this is an exclusively-internally used app.4 -
Fuck timesheet
It's bad enough someone fucking disturb you in the middle of great thoughts. What's worse, you're QUESTIONED where the fuck your time was spent. So you need to work out how much time you have been disturbed, and put in the fucking timesheet!
What a fucking joke! As if we have too much time for meaningful stuff.8 -
Recently got back into Blender to get those 3D modeling Skillz. Lemme tell you what those keybindings do NOT fucking stick in memory over long periods of time.
I felt like someone had detached all of my fingers, shuffled their order, and instructed me to type an essay. Not to mention the new UI, which I love for sure, but is unfamiliar to me.
Anyways, I've always wanted to make a multiplayer VR hangout sort of game set in Disney world so that's my unobtainable goal and reason for doing this.
Yay.9 -
You are deep into your code... Thinking, debugging...
Then you stretch a bit and hit your leg on the power button....!!!!😑😣7 -
I’m an admin of a Facebook page for a small business whose website I built (I don’t personally do anything on the page, I just have admin rights :p). The location is clearly listed on the page, you just have to scroll down a bit on Facebook to see it, just like on every other Facebook page. There is also a link to the website that contains the location. Yet, EVERY WEEK, we get at least one person who sends us a message on Facebook: “where are you located?” Somehow they managed to turn on a computer, sign into Facebook and open a conversation dialog... but to scroll down a bit or visit our website to see the full location is not within their mental capacity. WTF4
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Recent conversation with a client for our SaaS product.
Client: So why can't we delete this information.
Me: We want to able to know who made a change to the data to avoid getting into trouble with the law.
Client: Does that mean you can see all the data on our account?
Me: (I know where she is going but let me stall)..You are the only one with access to your account. If I don't know your password, I can't access your data.
Client: But you sound like you can see the information in the cloud.
Me: (Laughs softly and segued).. The additional features you requested would be.......
Someone needs to read the T&C... -
Sometime I’m developing in Rust and I do something wrong.
Then I look at the terminal and it says...
“You did X, did you mean to do Y”
Then I do it and it works perfectly, and I’m like...
Why do I even have a job if the compiler is this good?10 -
They made a full fucking application in MICROSOFT EXCEL!!!!!!!
who the fuck makes an app in Excel? Though it's used internally, it has over 100 users and Everytime there's an update a new file is sent to all of them by mail. They use different excel files as DBs and tables as sheets. It's even got a fucking UI with check boxes and drop-downs and shit
Now guess what my task is?
Understand that entire application from the Excel files and make a webapp to cater to those requirements.
Fuck documentation, there are bugs in the Excel file and I need to fix the bugs in my app
Some good soul please tell me how must one start analyzing an Excel sheet to understand the logic behind it. Or a tool that magically converts "excel applications" to webapps25 -
🎉 Today, I quit!
🖕🏻 Hannah from HR
🖕🏻 Hot desking
👋 I will miss (most of) the other people though. They were ok.
🤔 Now how am I gonna afford my coke and Bollinger hobbies12