Looking for a job as a deveoper be like:

Job title: car driver

Job requirements: professional skills in driving normal- and heavy-freight cars, buses and trucks, trolley buses, trams, subways, tractors, shovel diggers, contemporary light and heavy tanks currently in use by NATO countries.

Skills in rally and extreme driving are obligatory!
Formula-1 driving experience is a plus.

Knowledge and experience in repairing of piston and rotor/Wankel engines, automatic and manual transmissions, ignition systems, board computer, ABS, ABD, GPS and car-audio systems by world-known manufacturers - obligatory!

Experience with car-painting and tinsmith tasks is a plus.

The applicants must have certificates by BMW, General Motors and Bosch, but not older than two years.

Compensation: $15-$20/hour, depends on the interview result.

Education requirements: Bachelor's Degree of Engineering.

A group of wolves is called a pack.

A group of crows is called a murder.

A group of developers is called a merge conflict.

"So, why do you want to work at our office in mexico?"
"I want to be a señor developer."

Have you ever wondered we programmers have so many strong communities.... Stackoverflow, devRant, Reditt, etc...
No other profession has such communities... Why? Why?
Because, we haven't built one for them.... 😂😁

Developer: We have a problem.
Manager: Remember, there are no such things as problems, only opportunities.
Developer: Well then, we have a DDoS opportunity.

When a hiring manager wants 5+ years experience in Swift.

Swift release date = June 2, 2014

😂👍🖕

Python.

A ten minute task can be finished in a minute when you think in the toilet.

Proven by experience

Never delete code immediately. Always comment it out first.

How many of you want a ctrl+z and ctrl+f in the mobile keypads?

... thanks google

Digging through my old favorites and found this, still makes me chuckle.

This would be a great time for the decentralized internet project from Silicon Valley(HBO Series) to come to fruition.

Today I watched "the birth and death of js":
https://destroyallsoftware.com/talk...

Here Gary Bernhardt talks about compiling executables to asm.js and about running the compiled files using a js interpreter that can be included in the kernel.

Eventually, some responsibility can be moved from the kernel to this interpreter, responsibility like virtual memory and trap management.

This speech aims to be fun, so not everything should be taken seriously...
but...
but...
(Forgive me)
...this trick seems to be a nice idea, and projects like Node OS work likewise.

So now, would you even consider this? Or is it just something that will be nothing more than craziness of a mad man?

How do you make a sad JavaScript developer feel better?
.
.
.
.
You console.log then.

I should go now.

These keep getting better and better

Talking with a dev friend:

- I want to create a program. Want to help me?
- Sure, any ideas?
- Yeah, I'd like to create a paint software using Java
- Cool

After 3 mins:
- Nah I just realized it'd take too long and no one would use it. Wanna play Rainbow Six tho?
- Okay

After playing for 15 mins:
- Holy shit! This game is so buggy. I could make it better

After 3 mins:
- Nah I just realized it'd take too long and no one would use it. Wanna create a paint software using Java?

Anyone with Jetbrains Webstorm?
Or what IDE do you use for web design/programming?

Just a reminder for anyone that wants to use the devRant API for .NET. I made a C# wrapper that people might find useful: https://github.com/redrails/...

Not sure why it's not on the devRant projects page but feel free to use it and contribute 🙂 🙂

Saying yes to people who want a website for $100.

I've learned my lesson, all brand new websites now start at $1000.

#mindhacks 😎

I trust machines more than humans.

Except when I'm hitting that Ctrl+S. Gotta hit it at least like 4 times before I can start believing :-P

Me: *desperately trying to finish a webpage before 5pm deadline*
Girlfriend: Why are you always so focused on your computer? You never pay attention to me.
Me: You know I have to work. Besides, you'll always be number 1 in my heart
Girlfriend: Aww that was cute. Okay I'll let you finish working
Me to me: ...arrays start at 0. *continues typing*

Disclaimer: this was stolen from /r/programmerhumor and I have no girlfriend

Normal people post selfies on Instagram and get comments like "omg so sexy 😘"

Developers post stuff like this in devRant and get comments like "omg so sexy 😎":

So my ISP decided it was ok for them to log into my router remotely and re enable the wifi.

I turned it off for a reason and no your excuse that it will improve my upload speed is bullshit you stupid patronising fucking shithead.

I'm now seriously looking into cancelling my service with you because you don't respect your customers or their wishes.

Also I'm guessing there's a default backdoor password into the router as I changed all the passwords I could find. Meaning the whole thing is horribly insecure.

Mate got fired for expressing his opinion. Quit the next day :).

Wow, the new devRant update looks cool

MacBook Pro... without the retina

When the code is done, but you really want to improve it.

Pro tip: preserve your job by not documenting it.