Why in the name of Donald Knuth did you think it was a good idea to have a 1500 line Java Method? What THE HELL WERE YOU SMOKING THE ENTIRE FILE IS OVER 3000 LINES AND HALF OF THEM ARE COMMENTED OUT!

Don't even get me started on your "unit tests" which is a massive 5000 line behemoth that randomly has massive swaths of code commented out.

And of course no solution like this would be complete with you HARD CODING EVERY F****INIG STRING IN EVERY TIME!

And it's not like you don't know how to use classes as you have several of them, every single one of which is over 500+ lines and consists of only getters and setters. LET ME INTRODUCE YOU TO A MAP! REALLY WHY WOULD YOU USE 500 LINES FOR A CLASS THAT IS JUST GETTERS AND SETTERS?!

The part that really burns me about all of this though, isn't the fact that you sent it to me when I was running into a similar issue, and said "check this out it should help", what bothers me most isn't the indescribable rage I felt looking at your code, the part that really really really bothers me is that you are a veteran with over 15 years in Java development, and according to the org chart are a lead senior engineer getting paid substantially more than me, whereas I am considered a lowly mid-level developer, who isn't worth promoting to your level.

On the plus side you are now going to be featured on theDailyWTF so congrats on the notoriety.

Programmer PTSD

interview coming up in two minutes I hope I crush this one!

........

........

It’s funny because it’s true.

after moving from a dual monitor setup back to a laptop because of finances, I just realized, I hate managing really large codes on laptops, it sucks!, screen size!, everything !

i cant be the only person who feels this way

Figured out the root cause of slow code by using a profiler in an afternoon (more like an hour but needed to confirm/investigate)...

Team spent over a week trying to figure it out using logging and debugging...

Even after I told them to use a profiler...

Guess now I've justified my position of being the highest paid dev on the team.

I just know how to use other tools besides a hammer.

I waste 50 minutes reading tutorials and StackOverflow answers just to configure to my Git and GitHub account so that I can push the main local branch to the main remote branch from my terminal, and I still can't do it.

Fml.

When the interns mess up big time, good orgs support them. 😭💙

Nice

Entire fucking world:
Shift + Enter == New Line

Spreadsheets:
Alt + Enter == New Line

Spreadsheets are America of digital world.

Visual studio
VS code
Sublime
😋

Thursday: Hey wife…. I finished my project and tomorrow I should have a very easy day, just watching Slack.

Friday: Database— corrupted bin logs, major production outages.

Wife: 😡I can never believe you when you say you’ll have an easy day.

Tag: !rant, but story

I FUCKING GOT THE JOB!

Just woke up to a call from the HR that they are choosing me and that they would like to send the contract papers to me.

I am going to pick the papers up myself in a few hours instead.

No person at this moment is happier than me right now!

Finally, dude... I have been hunting for months.

This call was totally unexpected since the interview was already 2 months ago and lasted between 5-10 minutes.

This is also my favorite company among all companies I applied to.

Fuck YWAH!

Merge request

Title: Fix bugs
178 files, +615, -743

And it had passed review by not one, but two (allegedly) intelligent people.

HOW. THE. FUCK?!

Luckily I am overtaking that domain and won't allow such bullshit. Mainly because I will be the author of the commits.

post malone
get malone
put malone
patch malone
delete malone

Today I got a ticket.
Last comment:”It’s urgent.”
Scrolled down the tickets history. Opened 21st March 2020
I joined them company July 2020

........

A seasoned colleague just wrote this and I think it was very valuable:

On tech debt:

So the big challenge with technical debt is making non-technical management (CEO, COO, CFO, directors) understand what it means, and just how it operates. Sometimes it actually makes good sense to incur technical debt to get to market sooner, just as it sometimes makes sense to borrow money to get cash now and repay that loan later with (hopefully) resulting greater revenues from that investment. But just like a loan, tech debt always has to be paid some day. The longer the tech debt goes, the more expensive it gets. And also like a loan, the cost compounds, like compound interest on a loan. Tech debt should always be chosen with a clear plan to pay it off at some point in the not too distant future. The longer one waits to pay it, the more expensive it gets.

Yay, it's Monday!
And as Monday's go, there's a prod deployment, cool beans! 30 min later it's done!

So why the rant?

Because I'm on FUCKING ANNUAL LEAVE YOU BITCHES!!!!!

Fuck it, it's done, I'm going back to bed.

What do you call a party of developers?

- a git together

Windows 11 is free, you need to buy a new laptop.

Manager:
Hey this client sent us a list with all of their employees in this format... we would tell them to input it themselves but they're a pretty big client, so could you do it?

Me: Sure

*3 hours later*
... why am I taking so long...?
I look back at my code, and see that I've done a whole framework to input data into our system, which accepts not only the client's format but it's actually pretty abstract and extensible for any format you'd like, all with a thorough documentation.
*FACEPALM*
Why can I do this with menial jobs and not for our main code?

Have you tried AI pair programming? 💨
~ GitHub copilot

I don't get this one.... What's the joke?

Managers when a project is going off the rails:

*crickets*

Managers when something is successfully on track:

THIS NEEDS A ROADMAP, WHERE IS THE CORPORATE GOVERNANCE, WHOSE IDEA WAS THIS, I DIDN’T APPROVE THIS ACTIVITY.

Amazon was the first company that adopted the hybrid model: working from office Monday to Friday and working from home on Saturday and Sunday.

Please understand 👍😒

developer: hey, want to hear a joke?

manager: sure

dev: what did the developer say to their manager after doing flaming shots in the server room and accidentally setting fire to all their systems?

manager: i don't know, what did they say?

dev: "hey, want to hear a joke?"