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LocationDenmark
Joined devRant on 11/8/2016
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Manager: How come the intern does way more tickets than you?
Dev: Because you told me to only give him the easy ones since he either can’t do them otherwise or takes too long on the hard ones
Manager: Well how is he going to learn if we only give him easy ones?
Dev: That’s what I told you when you orig—
Manager: Assign him ALL of the hard tickets on your board immediately!
*Tickets closed per day drops significantly*
Manager: WHAT IS TAKING SO LONG ON THESE TICKETS!!!!!
Dev: …19 -
Any tips on how to properly document my code? I'm going to start my first internship soon so I need to learn it.11
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Manager: We need to setup the security in the Mexico server
Dev: You mean that 3rd party firewall add on?
Manager: Yes
Dev: And set up the billing on the Mexico account?
Manager: Yes
Dev: lol, sure thing I’ll create the ticket
Manager: What’s so funny?
Dev: Nothing
Ticket: Build wall and get Mexico to pay for it.15 -
I'm not sure if I'd say I'm "deeply inspired" but I spent more time coding a personal project this week than I've spent on any other project in a similar timeframe for the past several years. All because I wanted to build a personal dashboard/startpage that queries the APIs of a couple of MMOs I play and displays it nicely on a grid of cards.
I wrote my own API wrapper, built a Flask site for the first time in years, tried out a few things I've never done before, and stuffed the whole thing in a docker container.
I'm no web developer (my job is more about the infrastructure than the web apps which run on it) so I'm learning a lot just through trial and error and it's actually kind of fun. -
Manager: Why aren’t you working?
Dev: I am, I’m just not typing because I’m thinking an issue out.
Manager: Well what is taking so long? You haven’t written any code for like 15 minutes, you’ve just been doodling on your notepad.
Dev: I’m not “doodling”. I’m taking notes and trying to visualize the issue. It’s a complicated issue with application stat—
Manager: Well just simplify it then
Dev: ?
Manager: Instead of making it a complicated issue just simplify it and then it won’t take you so long. You’re likely overthinking it, I never spend more than 30 seconds thinking about any issue before coming up with a solution. That’s what makes me so effective at my job is my ability to be lean like that.
Dev: …this issue is a bit harder than deciding what to have for lunch26 -
YELLED AT FOR 45 FUCKING MINUTES OVER OTHER PEOPLE’S FUCKUPS
IF YOU PIECES OF SHIT WANT ME TO DO SOMETHING, FUCKING SAY IT. WRITE IT THE FUCK DOWN IN THE FUCKING TICKET.
AND IF YOU WANT A FUCKING DEMO, SCHEDULE THE FUCKING THING, AND STOP FUCKING CANCELING THEM. DON’T BLAME ME WHEN IT’S YOUR FUCKING FINGER ON THE FUCKING CANCEL BUTTON EVERY. FUCKING. WEEK.
AND SERIOUSLY, DON’T FUCKING EXPECT ME TO DROP MY LAST FUCKING TICKET THE AFTERNOON BEFORE VACATION FOR SOME LOW-PRIOIRTY CRAP BECAUSE SUDDENLY IT’S ALL THE RAGE INSIDE YOUR TINY DUMBASS HEAD. BUT OH BOO FUCKING HOO, @ROOT DIDN’T DO WHAT I ASKED WHEN I WAS BEING A FUCKING MORON! GO FUCK YOURSELF YOU FUCKING STUCK-UP IDIOT
AND FUCK BOZO THE CLOWN BOSS FOR BLAMING ME FOR THE FUCKING IDIOT’S BRUISED FUCKING EGO
FUCK THE LOT OF YOU39 -
Be a nice guy and volunteer for a weekend release that's supposed to be fast.
1. Release team person doesn't have permission to deploy our app
2. Dev that raised the change ticket didn't make sure it was fully approved and usable
-My whole morning go bye bye
-ah fuck it, clean up your own shit, I'm out...
Learn and don't do it again next time... Or not5 -
What do computers and air conditioners have in common ---- They both become useless when you open windows3
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"WiFi is better than Ethernet because the air is bigger so it can hold more internet."
Yes, and horse-drawn carriages are better than cars because they have bigger wheels.13 -
I miss the simplicity and creativity of the good old days..
:D
:)
;)
:/
:(
:o
:P
B)
^^
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>:(
<331 -
I’m down.. we did 2020 ... let’s do 2021 essentially 2020.. but SPACE THEMED!!! Let’s go let’s go let’s go!!! Start the game!!!! Seems soo fitting since space force and the whole galactic federation foreshadowing a few weeks ago!!!1
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What cloud backup service are you using now?
So far the top 3 for me:
1. pCloud - with lifetime plan
2. Google Drive
3. Sync.com6 -
Story of my most useless meeting?
Too many to mention. Here's one. Years ago a new HR associate was specifically hired to better engage the workforce. About once a week, she conducted about an hour to two hour meetings which consisted of every 'touchy-feely' idea you could think of. I swear any day I was going to walk into a meeting and do the "fall back into your partner" trust exercises.
One particular meeting, 'Betty' engaged us with the topic of what keeps us motivated, and I was a little more annoyed than usual because I was behind on a system critical project and these meetings were mandatory.
User1: "Knowing I make customer satisfaction my number one priority."
User2: "The strong sense of accomplishment I feel by doing my best"
Me: "Money"
<you could almost hear Betty's gasp>
Betty: "Oh, no, money shouldn't be the motivator. Money is like icing on the cake. Tell us what keeps you happy and engaged."
<other users nod their heads in engagement>
Me: "Again, money."
User3: "I can't...ugh..I don't believe..oh..why would you say that? I think being part of such a great team is payment enough."
<more nodding of heads>
Me: "Do you work for free? I don't. None of us do. Would any of you keep doing your jobs here if you weren't getting paid?"
Betty: "That is really not the point of this meeting."
Me: "Sure it is. I'll bet if Order Taking starting providing bonuses for positive after-call surveys, employee satisfaction would go through the roof. Anyone else like that idea?"
Betty: "Your attitude isn't helping this discussion. Lets move on."
Me: "Lets not. In 20?? the Gartner group performed a study where they 'discovered' the primary motivator for employees was money. You want employees to perform better, you pay them. It is really that simple."
<I could see the looks of "Its OK to speak my mind?" and others wanting to speak up>
Betty: "Moving on. Lets go over the company core values again and discuss how they enrich our lives at work and at home."
I kept quiet for the rest of the meeting.
The poop hit the fan, and my boss pulls me into a conference room
Boss: "Betty is really pissed at you. She went directly to the VP of HR"
Me: "Good. Does this mean I don't have to attend the enrichment meetings?"
Boss: "Yea, that was her idea of punishment. Lucky bastard."8 -
What the fuck is wrong with the designers? We have had meetings with the client, a proposal drawn up, a project spec written, budget agreed, witeframes drawn up exactly to spec. Designer involved in all stages for input and ideas. Now the designers have the wireframes, they are supposed to create based on these. No they make up what goes on the pages that bare no resemblance to the wireframes in terms of requirements. I am fucking fuming. I have sent the designs back with a note. Please provide designs based on the wireframes.17
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I'm migrating a site. I moved the host, I need to change DNS servers. It's protected with one time codes sent to an email I don't have access to. The guy who has the access disappeared without a word, it's been over two hours now. I CAN'T DO SHIT WITHOUT THOSE FUCKING DIGITS YOU FUCKER
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Ever have to put your work on hold due to being called into a 2 hour meeting to discuss how important it is that we need this thing finished asap.1