Lmao I’ve never learned how to program. I’m just winging it and have been able to fool everyone the last 10 years.

Senior engineer checking in.

Nuked prod db today. Fortunatly we had backup.

Now I’m gonna change my pants

After a year of planning and researching and waiting. I finally realised. Fuck it. Let’s fucking do it already. So over the next 2 months, I’m gonna get other parts and have a real fucking rig ready.

Had my first 'mentor' moment at work today!

Newest guy couldn't figure something out and asked me, slightly nervously, for help.

Suddenly I went into mentorish state, explaining stuff I was doing while fixing it in under a minute!

Felt good 😃

Oh my adorable useless function..

Credits: https://twitter.com/turnoff_us?s=09

New devRant web app for desktop is now live! (https://devrant.com - the .com will now redirect to feed if you are logged in) Let us know what you think, and especially if you spot any bugs (very likely some slipped through). Some cool new features are still in development, will be out shortly.

devComic #3 "The Pizza Paradox" adapted from a rant by @molynerd (https://devrant.com/rants/178708/)

Linux doesn't need viruses people fuck that shit up themselves

QA: feature not working
Me: Clear the browser cache
QA: it's working now
Me: 😎

The only place where it's okie for a parent to kill its child #programming

Yesterday. It took me way to long to figure out why my mouse wasn't working....
Thanks, dear colleagues!

😐

Got to know about OSMC/Kodi last week. Took out my Raspberry Pi. Setup OSMC over the weekend, did all the cable setup for 4 external hard drives and connected to TV via HDMI. After few configurations, I'm all setup. I'm astonished by all the features it provides. Fetching data from TMDb (I had actually created a javaFX app to do this for my local library just last month), remote control from Android as well Web Browser. Enabled UPnP and now I have my complete media center floating around my house network. It is one of the best open source project I have laid my eyes upon. Wish I could attach more pics.

My mom finally allowed me to get a raspberry pi! I'm really excited.

Now I have two packages to look forward to... A bunch of books and a raspberry pi!

Except she called it an apple pie. She said send me a link to the apple pie you wanted lol.

*sigh*

Ssh'd into raspberry pi:

$ sudo ip link set dev wlan0 down

*waits 5 minutes for response*

Oh.. Oh yeah..

There is nothing as hard as explaining the work of a back end dev to a non technical person

Every damn time!

This just makes me mad every time.

I have a friend who asks for help in coding and just reads and copies my whole code, doesn't even understand what's going on and just copies the whole damn thing (the variable names too). Also, says I don't know how to do it properly because I indent the code and he wants it all in a single line.

If there is any error in the code, just tells me that there is a problem and does nothing and keeps nagging me if I solved the problem every 2 minutes.

Once I solve the problem, just copies the stuff again and then brags to others about the code and takes all the credit.

After bragging, if someone asks him for help he just tried to match the code line by line and worry by word. And tells them their code is wrong if they are using a different method of solving the problem and asks them to do it like him.

Being an introvert, I don't go shoving my stuff in others faces and criticising their code.

But the professor knows I am good, so that works for me. :)

Please remember that comments in html do not start with //. This comes from the website of one of the most important gas and electricity distributor in Italy btw...

About to do my first certification... Its an online test and I am nervous as fuck...

Wish me luck!!!

I now know another person's password without even wanting to.

He was sitting in the row in front of me, logging into our course page and then *brrrrraaaaapppp* - ran his index finger along the top number row and hit enter.

1234567890

I don't even know what to say.

You are allowed to be dumb OR to be rude.
Never both.

Got call from extremely angry customer, our product is shit and doesn't work. At all. Important customer so I went to visit.

He had the perfect setup, our product to the left, our competitor's to the right.

He connected the Ethernet cable to their product, it worked. He plugged it out and connected to ours... Nothing. Shit.

I started to debug on the premises, took logs, everything. It seemed like our product didn't receive any data at all. What the fuck? Tried everything, debugged low level, still nothing. Sweating as hell.

After two hours I got a strange feeling. So I swapped place, our product to the right, competitor's to the left. Now OUR product worked, competitor's zilch.

THE FUCKING ETHERNET CABLE HAD A GLITCH. IF YOU BENT IT TO THE RIGHT IT WORKED, IF YOU BENT IT TO THE LEFT IT WAS BROKEN.

I had never seen a customer be this embarrassed in my life. He apologized to me, my boss, his boss, the Queen, everyone.

We got the contract.

Girl: "hey"

My Brain:
java.lang.NullPointerException:
at net.brain.functions.Talk.retrieveSpeech(Talk.java:2978)
at net.brain.functions.Talk.createFlirtyResponse(Talk.java:3132)

Me: null

*Girl walks away*

I once brought my Kali Linux laptop to school. (Because normal had dead battery, waiting for shipping)

MFW someone from the IT department is called in to fix teachers projector and he sees I still have the default dragon wallpaper on it.
MFW when recognises it it's Kali.
MFW he calls the police and my laptop gets taken away because 'its dangerous' and I get questioned in school.

The police came back a week later to check my laptop again. 'uhh we gotta check the logs'.

IF I WANTED IT TO BE DANGEROUS YOU'D BE FIXING A LOT MORE THAN JUST THE FUCKING PROJECTOR!

Also, wuddup devrant!

I got my wife pregnant despite birth control being used... You could say she *puts on sunglasses* failed the penetration test.

I'll see myself out.

!Rant

Support Call:
”our PC stick isn't booting up! Come and fix it! (angry)”

Me:
”The PC are meant to boot up whenever power is delivered to them. Are you sure your TVs are powered on?”

Support Call:
”Yes! I just pressed the power button on both TVs and it didn't turn on the PC sticks.”

Me:
”So you can confirm the TVs are on? Can you change the input and see what happens?”

Support Phone:
”Stop wasting my time and send someone down to fix it now! I told you it isn't working!”

Me:
”Ok, we will get someone out to you as soon as possible.”

Then a support guy drives 2 hours to their store.

When he gets there he realizes that the TVs power is connected to a light switch and they has the switch off!!!

He said ”can we turn on some lights so I can see behind the TV?” and then all the fucking TVs came on.

These are times when I fully understand the concept of “firing a customer”.

The customer sent an email saying ”the downtime for your product was unacceptable.” even after it was explained to them that the problem was them turning off the power.

These fucking idiots actually expect us to deliver products to display on TVs without fucking electricity to run them.

Next on AXN, "Breaking The Developer's Code"

the average sperm cell contains 37.5 mb of data

I ware hoodie when I hack servers 😎

After heck a lot of hours of debugging my Java code which looked all right, found out my mistake was just using == instead of equals()