Secretary of the IT department stated in a meeting that she was "overqualified to babysit a group of 40 grown-ass men who are unable to communicate with each other"

... all devs had a huge grin on their faces because we knew that she was absolutely right, management was furious 😂

She submitted her resignation on the same day, best secretary we've ever had!

I once brought my Kali Linux laptop to school. (Because normal had dead battery, waiting for shipping)

MFW someone from the IT department is called in to fix teachers projector and he sees I still have the default dragon wallpaper on it.
MFW when recognises it it's Kali.
MFW he calls the police and my laptop gets taken away because 'its dangerous' and I get questioned in school.

The police came back a week later to check my laptop again. 'uhh we gotta check the logs'.

IF I WANTED IT TO BE DANGEROUS YOU'D BE FIXING A LOT MORE THAN JUST THE FUCKING PROJECTOR!

Also, wuddup devrant!

My first job was a statistical program that i wrote during a trainee at a local IT department.
My boss liked it and told me I could keep the sources and the copyright.
Then he made some phone calls and helped me to find my first clients.

Since that time I am working on the same program.
I founded a software company and have a good life now.

My old boss retired some years ago, but some of the team are still there.
From time to time I visit the department having a coffee with old friends.

That trainee was nearly 30 years ago.

The marketing department is right next door to my office, and to make room for their new intern, a very high end, large, and noisy printer was 'temporarily' placed in my office. I'm a reasonable person though, and didn't mind this. The salespeople figured out that it makes commercial grade printouts, so for their various presentations and whatnot, they'll print enormous numbers of pages on this thing, and basically use my office as a motherfucking water-cooler. After a few weeks of this, I logged into the printer from my computer, and set it to disallow all connections from MAC addresses other than those in the marketing department, who print far less material on their own, special, dedicated printer. Absolute fucking chaos ensued. Grown men were brought to tears, ultimatums were made, and blood was shed. The hardware guys were down here for over an hour, making up absolute bullshit as to why it wasn't working(which really surprised me).

Long story short, cut off access to printer, sit back and watch the true face of humanity emerge. Seriously, fuck those guys. They have their own goddamn printer.

CEO hired graphics designer without HR help after first meeting and that person first day of his work borrowed money from people and that’s not end of story.

Same guy came back at night and robbed the workplace with his friends, didn’t came back to work. Company bought couple of big iMac for new graphics department back then, all gone.

When company reported incident to Police it turned out he travel and steal from companies all over the country and they’re trying to catch him for a year.

Years ago I was an application developer at a medium sized corporation and was also responsible for support for an HR department. This occurred early one morning shortly after I arrived at work.

User: My app doesn't work.
Me: What's wrong with it?
User: I just get a blank screen.
Me: A blank screen? What happens when you hit a key?
User: Nothing.
Me: Do any apps work?
User: No, I just get a blank screen.
Me: Is your monitor on?
User: Yes, I turned it on.

This type of witty banter went on for several minutes when the answer suddenly hit me.

Me: Is your computer turned on?
User: Do I need to turn it on?
Me: Did you turn it off before you went home last night?
User: Yes.
Me: And do you normally turn it on in the morning when you come in?
User: Yes.
Me: Then why didn't you turn it on this morning when you came in?
User: I didn't know I needed to.

It was at this point I heard the programmer over the cubicle wall from me burst out laughing. He had been listening to the conversation and couldn't take it anymore.

The really sad part is that this was not an isolated incident. This kind of stuff occurred on a semi-regular basis with this individual's department.

Our company got attacked last month by what i believe was a code time bomb from a ex employee. And it was brutal, website hacked, email server not responding, locked out from database servers. The IT department asked for my help and I was more than happy to do it. Long story short I got every thing back working smoothly. The IT guys ask for a favor to not include this in my monthly progress report. Fine by me. But then they went out and tokd the top management that they are teaching me about the networks and servers so thats why I was working with them last month. Fucking assholes. Not going to help them any more.

This girl from financial department pissed me off so badly I took 15 minutes of my private time to slightly modify CSS and JS for her user in our intranet panel, made everything pink and blue, animate all the buttons to randomly barrel roll and made the mouse cursor explode colourful star particles with each click.

She *liked* it, said it was *sweet* and *apologized* for being an ass. Robbed me of all the satisfaction. :(

So our company hired a new COO few months ago, and he oversees digital department as well

recently he called the digital department into his office to talk about a new campaign for a client, and client's mascot is a ladybug, so he goes like this

COO: So i was thinking, we need to make people more aware about the new branch opening

COO: I have a creative / innovative idea, we probably can get an award for this and I'm sure client will be really impressed with this. Why don't we put ladybug​s on Google homepage, just walking around flapping their wings and stuff, i mean everyone visits Google right ?

Our Team: awkwardly looking at each other
Me: 😐😐😐😐
( I was confused what to think )

Then our designer calmly explained him why it wouldn't work while we were trying our best not to laugh

how the fuck someone like him manage to stay alive all these years and become a COO, i mean he doesn't have to know it all but damn this is common sense

At age of 20, I got hired as junior dev at a mobile gaming company. We were 2 junior devs hired at the same time and one of our senior colleagues made a prank: he came in the office before us and rearranged our offices in a "funny" manner.

Two days later I waited for him to go home. I opened his PC case, removed the power button cable from the motherboard and then re-arranged everything back to normal. Well, I couldn't resist...

Next day he came into the office and, well, surprise... the PC was not starting. He went to the IT department and they spent 4 hours trying to figure out why it was not working. They replaced the CPU, RAM memory, including the PSU.

I had to go and tell them: "maybe it's the power button jack?!".

I got into some problems for that prank. Indeed I crossed a line, but what the hell... that was a bad IT department.

FBI: FUCK!! We just lost our connection to all those civilian routers we were monitoring
FBI IT Department: Did you try turning them off and back on?
FBI:

IT department created a risk assessment system and asked us to fill out the form.

I found that the form is vulnerable to XSS and possibly SQL injection so I told them and their response was:

"Oh, shit. Please don't tell anyone!"

Of course, it never get fixed :/

Perhaps not "best", but certainly most amusing, so what the heck!

Years ago as an intern, I applied to a large pharmaceutical company. On part of the application form, you had to enter the code of the department you were applying to.

What I *should have* put down was "IT", which is the department that houses all their devs. However, I didn't actually read any of what the codes meant, assumed that was the department for helping people with how to mail merge, and put down "COMPSCI" instead. This was computational sciences - loosely summarised as computational data analysis on various druggable molecules.

I do *not* have any sort of biology or chemistry background, so the interview was rather... interesting, and I muddled through on the basis of getting some more interview practice assuming it was a no go.

To my amazement, got a phone call saying that they'd been thinking they wanted someone more technical on the team, and despite my lack of scientific experience they thought I'd be a good fit. I was unsure as to whether I should accept for a while, but then decided to just go for it - and had a fantastic internship there, working on a great variety of stuff, and learning tons all under a supervisor who I'm still in touch with to this day.

tl;dr - Applied for the wrong job. Coincidentally got it anyway, and miraculously had a fantastic year working there.

*While I was working from home this occurred*

New Accountant: How come Dev gets the nicest chair in the office?

IT: He brings his own chair because he doesn’t like the ones we have here.

New Accountant: How come I don’t get a nice chair?

IT: If you want a nicer chair either ask your department manager to buy one or if that doesn’t work you’re welcome to bring in your own

New Accountant: I shouldn’t have to bring in my chair from home! I want a nice chair like Dev has but I don’t want to spend the money to buy one as nice as his and my department manager said we don’t have the budget to buy one either!

IT: He buys them from a used office warehouse for pretty cheap actually, cheaper than what the company pays annually to rent these chairs from what I’ve heard. He has 3 more at home. You should ask him where he gets them from.

New Accountant: He should give me his chair! He mostly works remote anyway!

*This resulted in my being asked to come into the office to remove my chair because it was “upsetting people” in the office*

when your boss tells you they hired you just to save money, and the job should actually be done by a team of intermediate/senior devs, but they thought one junior dev could do it in the same time span

Customer is always right.....

Committed to sustainable productivity..

Misunderstanding between the IT Department Staff member and the Finance Department Staff member in one of the establishments...

User: Hi, our printer is not working.

IT Service: What is wrong with it?

User: The mouse is jammed.

IT Service: Mouse? Are you sure it’s a printer, as they don’t come with a mouse?

User: Do you think I’m stupid? I’m telling you it’s the printer!

IT Service: I'm telling you, it can’t be the printer! They don’t have a mouse!

User: Oh really?... Mmmmm... I’ll send you a picture.

Scroll down...
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The customer is always right.
Listen to him/her and believe what he/she says.

Don’t jump into conclusions!

Someone replied to the Christmas party invitation using REPLY ALL... his family personal details sent to hundreds of people. Wait, it gets even worse: he works in the SECURITY DEPARTMENT.

Found this at my school in the broadcasting department. It makes me mad on many levels

!rant.
I've worked for about two months at my (first) job. Its amazing.
We create audio/video software for the products we make.

There are 9 programmers besides me, I'm the only junior. And I'm still learning my way around the code, but they still value my input.

We only do stand ups for 5-10 min, like it should.

One if my colleagues helps me often when I have questions, so I've nicknamed him ducky.

My pm is awesome, he's great at coding and a great manager.

When we work overtime, the department pays for delivery food and drinks.

And we've already gone on 2 trips with the department, mountain biking and a BBQ.

I love my job and I hope that I'll soon be good enough to ask less questions.

Sooooo me and the lead dev got placed in the wrong job classification at work.

Without sounding too mean, we are placed under the same descriptor and pay scale reserved for secretaries, janitors and the people that do maintenance at work(we work for a college as developers) whilst our cowormer who manages the cms got the correct classification.

The manager went apeshit because the guidelines state that:

Making software products
Administration of dbs
Server maintenance and troubleshooting
Security (network)

And a lot of shit is covered on the exemption list and it is things that we do by a wide fucking margin. The classification would technically prohibit us from developing software and the whole it dptmnt went apeshit over it since he(lead developer) refuses (rightfully so) to touch anything and do basically nothing other than generate reports.

Its a fun situation. While we both got a substantial raise in salary(go figure) we also got demoted at the same time.

There is a department in IT which deals with the databases for other major applications, their title is "programmers" yet for some reason me and the lead end up writing all the sql code that they ever need. They make waaaaay more money than me and the lead do, even in the correct classification.

Resolution: manager is working with the head of the department to correct this blasphemy WHILE asking for a higher pay than even the "programmers"

I love this woman. She has balls man. When the president of the school paraded around the office asking for an update on a high priority app she said that I am being gracious enough to work on it even though i am not supposed to. The fucking prick asked if i could speed it up to where she said that most of my work I do it on my off time, which by law is now something that I cannot do for the school and that she does not expect any of her devs to do jack shit unless shit gets fixed quick. With the correct pay.

Naturally, the president did not like such predicament and thus urged the HR department(which is globally hated now since they fucked up everyone's classification) to fix it.

Dunno if I will get above the pay that she requested. But seeing that royal ammount of LADY BALLS really means something to me. Which is why i would not trade that woman for a job at any of my dream workplaces.

Meanwhile, the level of stress placed my 12 years of service diabetic lead dev at the hospital. Fuck the hr department for real, fuck the vps of the school that fucked this up royally and fuck people in this city in general. I really care for my team, and the lead dev is one of my best friends and a good developer, this shit will not fucking go unnoticed and the HR department is now in low priority level for the software that we build for them

Still. I am amazed to have a manager that actually looks out for us instead of putting a nice face for the pricks that screwed us over.

I have been working since I was 16, went through the Army, am 27 now and it is the first time that I have seen such manager.

She can't read this, but she knows how much I appreciate her.

From the director of the department within a large investment bank: "We will be looking into converting all Java code to Cobol because it is easier to work with".

Needless to say I started looking for a new job that night.

So I was applying for a research position in linguistic department, and had the interview today.
Prof: So you know excel right

Me: (show a project to him to prove I at least know csv file)
Prof: Ok so you know excel.

Me: Yeah kinda.

Prof: Ok that's good. Cuz right now we are using amazon Turk, and the data they returned, which are excel files, are not really the way we want it.

Me: Ok sounds like a parser can fix it......

Prof: Yeah.... the students in the lab are doing it manually now

(Dead silence)

Prof: Ok move onto next matter

Did someone call the IT Department?!

So the battery of our YouBot died, and since it's deprecated we had to ask the EE department to manufacture one for us. When a member of my group asked them for the custom battery last year, it took them 5+ weeks to get it.
Today I went there, and threatened the engineer to cry daily outside his room until it's ready. He already ordered the parts and said I will have it assembled by Tuesday.
I am totally in love with the terrifying effect a crying female has over male engineers.

I work for my highschool's IT department (the money I earn goes directly towards my tuition), here is a picture of my workstation. It's a Lenovo ThinkCentre, it has an Intel i5-6500 vPro, 4GB of RAM and runs Debian 9.4.

Mgr: Do a talk about that library you're using.

Me: Sure but I'm just learning about it now maybe when I have a better understanding of it.

One week later.

Mgr: I booked a department wide mandatory lunch and learn this Friday for your presentation.

I told a joke at work today.

It's so good that I've been called to the HR department. I assume they want to hear it too.

Dear recruiters,
if you are looking for

- Java,Python, PHP
- React,Angular
- PostgreSQL, Redis, MongoDB
- AWS, S3, EC2, ECS, EKS
- *nix system administration
- Git and CI with TDD
- Docker, Kubernetes

That's not a Full Stack Developer
That’s an entire IT department

Yours truly #stolen

So the Marketing department want me single handed recreate an app exactly like Alipay in 2 days? WTF? I told him that this is impossible ... he told me to "Use Template." He said he can even use wordpress to do it .

The problem is they need android app and ios , (nnon-webview)

And it is official: I am not a project manager anymore.

My Boss has just created a new Automation department of which I am the only employee. So, now, I am an Automation Engineer.

More tools, maybe code and almost no contact with clients anymore. But I am gong to miss a few of them. :)

I nearly beheaded my colleague because he left dirty coffee cups and an open biscuit package in our robotics lab, where we shouldn't even bring food to begin with, let alone leave it to rot.
To make things worst, we had a surprise visit of people from another department, who spent 1 hour looking for the Allen wrench that was hiding under the biscuit package....

TL;DR Setup computer for new guy @ office, he got mad about software he was missing that we weren't told he needed, so he complained to the director above our department and got us in trouble.

I work for a small company, in which the I.S. Department is 8 people (Manager Included). We do everything from setting up computers and fixing printer problems to writing custom software for in-house use. Kind of a "Renaissance Department" if you will.

So a few weeks ago we were asked to set up a computer for a brand new user, meaning he would need email setup, a domain account, etc. We were also given a (very) small list of programs he would need to do his job. No problemo, took me 30 minutes, and he was good to go.

Last week I met the guy because he was training at the general office and his training computer lacked a few tools. Since I was called to remedy that situation, I introduced myself, told him if he ever had any problems to let me know and I would get him fixed up.

Now today, 5/5/2017, 15 seconds after walking into the door of the department, I am pulled aside by my boss and asked if I setup up the new guys desktop, to which I proudly replied yes. Come to find out the (very) small list of tools we were told he needed was incomplete, so he was missing stuff (how the fuck were we supposed to know that). So what does the new fuck do? HE COMPLAINS TO A DIRECTOR ABOVE OUR DEPARTMENT SAYING THE IT GUYS DIDN'T SETUP HIS COMPUTER PROPERLY! Like holy shit dude, why not send me a fucking email like you did before telling me you needed stuff? I would have GLADLY fucking helped. Now I hope your computer catches on fire. Or you get fired. I'll take either one.

!rant
Observed a full deployment the other day and discovered it's extremely inefficient. I proposed an idea to fix it, and was shot down by a senior dev on the team. I was ranting about how asinine the process was and how my process could reduce the amount of time and training required to do deployments with out any additional cost or overhead. A senior dev from another department over heard me, found my workspace and told me (in a nutshell), "write up a document about why the current process is garbage and how yours is better, and how it works, I'll review it and we'll get it worded and formatted right. When we finish the document, I'll forward it to the CTO of your department with your name on it and my recommendation for review." Fuck yeah. 😈😎

Went to an introductory session for the new version of the lousy CMS my organization uses and on the second slide of the presentation WRITTEN BY THE BIG BRITCHES OF THE IT DEPARTMENT they informed us that the CMS removes the necessity to learn languages for web programming like HTML, CSS, and Java. My first thought is "huh why would I need Java for... wait..." You could see the thoughts crossing my mind.
"Wait a minute... Who writes Java applets anymore? Java isn't.... but what if... no... they wouldn't..."
For the holy love of Bill, YOU ARE THE IT DEPARTMENT. Please don't tell me you misguided cactus-heads just mixed up JavaScript and Java on an official document you're using in presentations for everyone using the system? It hardly did anything to inspire overwhelming confidence. And even if it was handled by somebody whose entire job is to write PowerPoints for these things, who reviewed this thing? Dilbert's boss? And that wasnt even the only soul-scorching error. Sweet mother of Tux, people, I'm a student using your system, your professional presentations shouldn't make me cringe.

I started a job as a developer on Monday for a large retail company. There was no computer available for me because of the IT department but I'm told it will arrive later in the day. It doesn't.
On Tuesday I get told that the PC is coming and later in the day a keyboard, mouse, monitor stand and two monitors arrive but no computer.
Today, Wednesday, I get into work and find that I now have a PC. Woo! I load windows, log into my user account with my new user and pass and go to install VSCode only to find that I don't have admin privileges and can't install almost anything. I'm told that IT will add me to the admin user group soon(tm). I wait. All day. They don't do what they are supposed to do despite us pushing them to do it.
I hope that tomorrow I can actually dev, but at least I've been paid three days wage for doing nothing lol

Anyone have any shitty IT department stories?

I got a urgent call from a lead dev in another department. Needed data and services and her deadline was yesterday. I never heard of it, but worked late and got it done in 2 days. Delivery success, they had cake, speeches and praised my work apparently... I wasn't invited and didn't get any cake.

So our IT-department decided it was a good idea to block all outgoing ports at my school. Resulted in no internet for a day. Then they fixed that and the mail part but I still can't connect to any of my servers with SSH :/

Our IT department is almost as bad as apple

You know what I envy Americans about? Your .gov domain.
It is so difficult here to detect if the website is honest or a scam because our government is too dense to put all their sites as subdomains of one trusted domain. Like dod.country.tld for the department of defense or justice.ministry.country.tld for the ministry of justice.
No, these idiots buy ministry-of-justice.tld, because no scammer ever could conceive the idea of buying ministryofjustice.tld to host a scam site.

At least publish an up2date list with domains I can trust.

OH FOR HEAVENS SAKE!!!

*I* take care of my food in the department fridge, *NOT* you!

And start to fucking realize:
IT IS CALLED: "Best Before End"
and ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOT: "Guaranteed To Be Deadly From"

Next time you throw away my perfectly fine food, I'll dig into the reflog, throw a dice and throw away 3 random commits of yours claiming that THEY EXPIRED!
YOU ARSE!

My university has impeccable data management. I needed to ssh into their Linux server for an assignment but it refused to accept my login. Which was weird because I could login to the same account on one of our websites just fine. I typed my password into a text file and then copy and pasted it into both logins. The Linux one failed but the website succeeded. After some experimentation it turns out that the Linux server only recognized my username if I typed it in all lowercase, even though when I created the account it had uppercase characters as well.

So let me walk you through the sloppiness that had to have occurred for this to happen. When I first created the account it must have ignored what I entered and just saved the username in all lowercase without communicating that to me. Then the websites that use this account must either ignore case for usernames or lowercase the user input before querying the database. Finally, the Linux server, despite knowing that all the usernames are lowercase, is case sensitive and won't recognize the username as I originally typed it in.

Can you guess what department manages the account, website and Linux server? The Department of Computer and Information Science. Incredible.

User: The app is crashing! Fix this immediately. We can’t do our jobs without it!!

Dev: Patch applied, can you confirm it is now working on your end?

User: EXCUSE ME?! THAT IS NOT OUR RESPONSIBILITY! WE ARE WAY TOO BUSY, ASK SOME OTHER DEPARTMENT TO DO THAT OR DO IT YOURSELF!

Dev: …

At a previous job, we had a CTO and in a meeting of all the department heads, we all realized we have a CTO that knows about as much about tech as the pigeons do.

I’d always seen the confused emoji, I however never knew an actual human being could look like it, I’ve seen confused people, but on this day I saw a living 🤔…

How did I manage to achieve this result, I told him you can’t copy AngularJS code into a Flutter project, I then proceeded to tell him you also cannot copy it into a react project. I think I broke his brain.

Oh and yes, I worked at a development house, all the department heads were developers except for the QA head.

My department is focused solely on web development. Of course we are part of the major portion of I.T

The entire I.T department got acknowledged for a very important piece of software. That I wrote.
The ceremony in which we were being recognized did not listed MY department, no, they listed the ENTIRETY of I.T.

Thing is, if this product was not delivered, then I was told that the blame would be MINE (I am speaking as the head of my department) but apparently if it succeeded (which it did) it is to be attributed to people that were not even involved in the project.

My employees tried calming me down when I got upset, one of them stated that it was not even our department's effort, but mine alone. And yes, I was the one that developed the solution. By myself, with complete testing, staging, the whole works. Everything, developed by me. BUT my employees held the entire department down while I was behind close doors developing this solution.
I was fucking upset, more so because my director sent an email thanking the entire I.T department for this "win"
I asked him through or messaging service if he could point out to me who else was involved, since I did not know of anyone else that did absolutely anything in this process other than myself and my guys.

Maybe the output of my program was parsed by another I.T department and something happened from it, maybe the money generated by the application (obscene amounts of it btw) were used to add more to the infrastructure etc, who knows, but as far as I know, you cannot say "if this fails it is on you" just for them to later on thank people that were not involved in the project.

This is why I would gladly move on to a different field. I don't want to be patted on the back constantly, I know how fucking good I am at what I do. But if I do something amazing I do not want to see those efforts being given to someone else.

The dev world is usually a thankless industry, but if thanks are given, then I want the sole credit.

If I am winning or loosing I want the whole fucking credit and you can be any more gangstah than that.

Where I work we develop drivers and command-line software for embedded systems. The contracts we have with our customers tend to be in the £100k-£500k range and are usually completed in 6 - 9 months; our team is made up of 20 developers. You would think that it would be worthwhile investing in the department. But no, instead we have to deal with >10 year old build servers on their last legs; limited numbers of development boards with wires soldered on so that we can keep up with new board revisions; no room for R&D into new products; and to top it all off, not one of the executives has a laptop on par with the placement students in the next department. It's like the company is trying to kill the department, we've seen our staffing dwindle with no new graduate (or higher) positions being made available in the last 3 years while we've lost at least 5 people to other places. I just don't get it!

New position at work. Lots of power in regards to tech stacks of my choice.

I feel like Neo.

First project was finished in a week using Clojure. A basic application that would automate the process of adding our students into a particular active directory system in which many other things happen at the same time including updates to pins and other shit as well as networking and wifi permissions. Works fast as fuuuuuuuuuck, the alternative existed(somewhat) in php and while there was nothing wrong other than speed I wanted to show the head of my department what i could do.

It was anticlimactic as fuck. I thought it was gonna take me longer. It fucking didn't and i am glad as shit. It is now working like an absolute powerhouse in its own environment and being monitored by the sys admins, they loved how easy it was to deploy and how well behaved it is.

The head of the department is impressed as fuck and the board of directors got a hold of it. Reason being that I am being displayed as some sort of wizard that used ancient alien tech in the 21st century.

Fuck yes, major win.

I also get to add Clojure to my resumee. Hod even said that if needed be they will rethink my salary to add the fact that i get to use this tech where no one else can.

When you ask the IT-Department of a company collab with Microsoft, why you aren't allowed to use Firefox instead of IE.

The answer is: "It's insecure because it's open source"

YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME INSECURE ??? IT IS MORE SECURE AS IE!!! INSECURE BECAUSE OPEN SOURCE? THAN LET'S USE CHROME OR OPERA INSTEAD BUT NOT IE

Its been 1 month and still no reply from my university IT department after i inforned them the login was transmitting usernames and passwords unencrypted over http and that the password field was case-insensitive for some fucking reason.

Might have to break out the sniffer and setup a script to automatically email them different students account details until they fix it, i should cc the dean 😂

What the F**K? Why Marketing department always think they know better than IT Department? They always tell us "What so difficult to do this thing? You guys must have templates and change a few things!"

Let me give you some insight here, that this guy is the guy who buy website templates from programmers, change things and upload the site to Bluehost or Wordpress, That's all he do.

Our Software Archictect, colleagues and I personally went from "What the f***?" to "Are you f**king Kidding Me? "

Sometimes I just want to tell him this "Hey you mother f**ker, based on your f**king statement , why would you need programmers then? You guys can just buy the templates and change things".....

F**k you Marketing Department!

Most fun I had as a dev?

I'd say it was when the whole it department decided to have an Easter egg competition xD the DBA's never did find out why one of our apps kept creating dummy users called LEEEEEROY JENKINS

One of my best achievements in development xD

Since the beginning of this year our IT department has a new boss. He has no idea about IT, but worked with the other departments and CEO + management on an new business strategy. The other department bosses recogniced that this guy is stupid and only talking hot air, but not the CEO and management.
The IT part of the strategy is abstract and bullshit. The IT Team (we) was not included in building this. We only got the "finished" presented.
So our Team should integrate 6 big new systems (ERP, CRM,...) within 1,5 years. No system is actually fixed and the IT boss is only saying: "Its easy, just some interfaces to connect".
Nice additional: CEO says: Either we go with the strategy or we can leave the company.

My decision is made.

Funniest meeting ever!

Some years ago, there was the regular department meeting where useless news from upper management were handed down. The team I was in was also there: team lead, co-worker and me. The team lead had a new girl and was daydreaming of their nights, my co-worker wasn't quite back from the football match on the weekend, and I was playing chess on my mobile.

Department lead was blah blah blah and when can we do this on your rig? We looked at each other and instantly realised that none had been paying attention.

My co-worker was the fastest to recover and straight-facedly turned to me: "Well Fast-Nop, that's your domain."

I picked the ball up before team lead could say something: "Sure, but schedule appointment is for our lead."

Our lead couldn't contradict us and then had to negotiate a schedule while trying to find out what it was about. *LOL*

"Most unproductive meeting of career?"

2 stories

Story 1:

Company had 5k people working for it. We all had to attend a meeting about holding effective meetings.

Rule 1 was to have an agenda for all meetings and associated information so that people can come prepared.

In my 19 years at that company I and one other guy were the only people who followed that rule. Including the executives (never followed it).

People thanked me for doing it all the time... then they'd hold their own meetings and no agenda.

🤷🏻‍♂️

Story 2:

VP of our department would hold meetings and INSIST people ask questions / get upset if we didn't ask questions.

We were also told what we were NOT allowed to ask about.

At one point there were complaints that support was replacing too much hardware. So after lecturing everyone about replacing too much hardware ... nobody was allowed to even mention that the hardware was actually shit.... but we were supposed to ask questions.

Same VP would come back to us and moan about how he just couldn't get resources for our department... like bro that's your job don't whine at us about it, do the job...

Dude was just a weak man child.

Welp, fuck that shit.

The boss just called me to tell me d good news that they won't need me anymore...

I made them 1 project for about a year ( + fixing/updating few other projects )

... and that apparently is all they need for now and r gonna back to IT crowd ( read this as 2 ppl IT department )

was fun =]

You have to integrate company A system with company B.
You look up B`s api documentation, write the necessary code, test it thoroughly. Done
__________________________________
A wild dev from B has appeared!!!
------------------------------------------------------

him > you cannot use this SDK to implement this solution. You must use a different one...

You > (coming back to him after scouring through the docs) . Ok which sdk is it then? I can't find it anywhere. Could you send it to me pls?
him > I don't kbow, my knowledge doesn't go that far. Send an email to the dev department.

After sending the email, and spending a couple of days trying to figure out which sdk was he referring to. His department answers that the sdk you should use, is the one you already used. The only one they have.

A couple of days lost, because certain smart-ass could not refrain himself from meddling in the project.

What would you do?

Note: Killing him is out of the question :)

know what pisses me the fuck off? when the manager of another department jumps over me and goes straight to the head of my department for a request that they want from MY department.

Currently, there are 2 stupid bitches that insist on doing this fuckery. One of them keeps getting owned by our DBA since for whatever reason she sends her requests to me, just for the DBA to remind her that I ain't giving her access to shit and bla bla

The other is the head of the human resources department. It goes like this: sends wrong data, task gets delayed cuz we have to sort her shit, gets impatient, bitches at head of department and his boss about us taking long(bitch 3 hours ain't long and your shit ain't critical) just for me to reply back with images and LOOK FUCKTARD YOU MESS THIS UP red arrows showing how what she did was wrong and I had to fix it for her.

Sends a reply back only to me saying thanks, ah no pendeja, I will forward aaaaaaall of that shit to everyone else, tried throwing me under the bus? well now ima do it to you.

And fuck those 3 applications you requested, have fun adding shit manually through spreadsheets and then go eat shit and die.

Head of department: Do we have license key for ubuntu os on our systems?

Lab assistant: Yess!!

Everyone else: No!!! It is open source

*awkward silence*

HOD leaves without saying a word after that

😂😂😂

Head of IT department asked me to configure Apache from phpmyadmin. There occured 5 seconds of silence after he said that.

I was impressed with my latest job interview in the government (got the job).

Applied online, and they extended the application deadline because the lack of quality of applications.

I got invited for an interview. Present there were HR manager, Department manager and an employee from the regional office (opening a new dev department in the region).
Most of the interview consisted of them telling me about the company, and asking a bit about me. Nothing technical.

1.5 month later I got a 2nd interview. Present were two developers from the main office in Oslo. Again, very little questions about my technical capabilities. Mostly just repeating the stuff said in the first interview. Though I did have to send some code in for review by them.

A month later I get a phone call from the department head saying they’d like to offer me a job, but they don’t have a concrete job offer yet, as it has to be approved by a committee (gov stuff). That takes two weeks, and I finally got job offer. 42% pay rise from the current job in the private sector.

I later went and re-read the ad for the job. “Bachelor/ master required. For particularly qualified applicants, this requirement can be ignored.”

Fascinating that they didn’t give me more tests.

Apple macbook engineering department hard at work:

1) Some app freezes
2) Then the Touch-bar freezes
3) I hit cmd+alt+esc to force close it
4) Touch bar is frozen so esc won’t work
5) *confused noises*

Worst. 2 am on campus, js file for a web app project. It didn't work, no exceptions thrown, no errors. I call the assistant teacher. He calls the teacher. Teacher calls the head of department. Four of us staring at the screen for an hour, trying different browsers, environments etc
3 am, switch cases had semicolons rather than colons. Sleepy coding is the worst.

So, I recently picked up this book called "The Phoenix Project". I picked it up as I thought it was a project management text book. Turns out its a novel on how this Auto parts company's IT department broke down its silos and embraced DevOps. It's even framed as a thriller - the stakes always get higher! Extremely Exciting!

My Wife, kids and I listen to the audiobook as we drive and do errands every day. My Wife has gotten a very very frank understanding of what my job is like as a result.

I encourage everyone here to get a copy of the book.

After 3 years of being the first in and last to leave, of getting other people's work reassigned to me - P can't complete it on time, G doesn't like the user, A refuses to work on that module, etc... I finally blew last Sept.
In the span of 2 days, my boss brought me into a project 1.5 years in (she doesn't trust P to do the coding) and expected me to be up to speed and coding in a couple of days, told the functional dept that I would cover for one of their guys on vaca for three weeks and assigned me to take over a HUGE project from one of the other functional guys who wasn't getting it done. So basically I'm now doing Ps job AND supporting another department AND taking control of a large project from another department. I'm the idiot working 14 hour days while they're all leaving on time or enjoying their 3 week vaca to India.
I lost it. It's bad enough filling in the gaps in my own department but when I'm now taking on work for other departments, that's where I draw the line. I sent my boss my resignation - just could not take the inequity in the work load.
I'm still working here - my boss ended up hiring a consultant to handle the functional project and told the functional group to find their own vacation coverage. She's also monitoring workloads much closer now. I still habe an ongoing issue with having to complete other peoples work for them but I'm not working OT to do it. So speaking up helps. So does quitting.

My mother lives and works overseas, and she'd complain about her IT department all the time.
Wish I could get work permit to work there, but I'd have to serve in 'their' military for 2 years...

Yeah, totally makes sense. Nope.

Tru story:

We have a folder that we keep as shared documentation known as Javascript And PHP Fuckery made by yours truly in which I added a bunch of fixes to fuckery written in those 2 languages by previous developers.

The entire department has access to those files(as in all of IT) and I have been commended by the head of our department for my determination and uncanny ability to spot fuckery and fix it.

He says that he "thoroughly enjoys my colorful mastery of language, sarcasm and cognitive imagery when dealing with documentation regarding the code horrors done by previous developers"

By cognitive imagery he said that he meant my thought process and that he wouldn't trust a developer that does not use this language.

Fucking killing it b.

I'll let y'all(as in youse) when I am done with my Book(if anyone here steals the idea of the title as js php fuckery i am gonna sue you)

So they took away our offices in favour of an open layout. This would have been fine if it was just us 3 devs and the manager, but we're sharing a space with network techs, help desk, the manager's secretary and an Accounts department all with little to no separation.

I'm now in the midst of incessant ringing of phones, idle chatter and raucous laughter with nowhere to retreat to for silence; I have no idea how/when I'm going to get any work done now. 😥😞

The organisation I work for is a f**king joke when it comes to management making any kind of logical decision.

Every company HR department in the 90s: "Don't talk about any sexual topic at work. It could be construed or misconstrued as sexual harassment. Keep all communications business-focused only."

Every company HR department now: "Here's a 20-page PowerPoint describing where diverse individuals of a kaleidoscope of gender spectrums put their genitals in the privacy of their own bedrooms...or out in the street in parades...or, just wherever. Don't like it? We'll be discussing your departure from the company soon."

Found this on Quora today :

Programming isn't sexy at all. In a club, try picking up a girl by telling her your heroic tale of saving an entire department by rewriting a recursive function to take advantage of a feature in the new server Intel chips to scale up their online orders.

Then tell me how it goes.

My boss is the head of IT.
I am the head of software, I have nothing todo with user rights in our software, this is head of IT things...

So my boss is gone, holiday.

User T calls in: Hey, I need rights for finance software X. Now.
Me: Yeah, my boss is gone for good, which rights exactly you need?
T: I don't know. Give me admin rights.
Me: I am not going to do that.
T: I will call my boss (head of her department, same level as my boss). He will tell you to do that.
Me: I will not listen to him, he don't decide about rights. IF you talk to the head of finance and he tells me you can have admin rights in the finance software, I could give it to you. Let him write a email to me about it.
T: Okay.

2 Minutes later.

Email, Head of finance: Hey Wasseratem, I don't decide for rights for the finance software X, normaly Head of IT does that.
(CC to T)
Email back: Yeah, he is gone, he will be back in 2 days, then he can decide.

Email from Head of Department of T: Give T admin rights. now.
Email back, CC Head of Department of T, Head of finance: No I will not do that (etc. explain why)

What the fck is T joking me?

Now She will not get any rights for thursday even when she will walk into my office with a gun.

Company President: No one needs to worry about losing their job due to COVID. We’re an essential business and won’t be effected.

48 hours later

IT Director: There have been severe budget cuts and we are letting go of the two highest salaried employees from every department. You are no longer employed.

Wearing neck ties wears me out.

I seriously don't see the point of IT department having to wear ties...

Any type of creativity what so ever. Whenever I have to design anything my mind kinda just goes blank.

Most of the sparetime I actually want to program is spend not programming because I'm not a very creative person.

Pic related, it's my webshite. Would like to make it nice, but I have very little in the department of creative talent 😭

Our main server that stores everything and that everyone uses has been down for about an hour now. It's okay though I get paid by the hour. Plus, I'm working remotely today.

Probably doesn't help that we let other people other than the IT department mess with what we put on the server.

Some IT person is walking to the marketing department coffee machine because one on IT is broken.

While waiting for his coffee he yells:
I want a enormous rack!

All the women instantly hide, and one guy say. “You cannot say that here!”

IT guy looks surprised and wondering what he said wrong....

At my holiday job, I had to call the IT department about a printing issue. They solved it very quickly. Fucking magicians man, how they did it? No fucking clue!

One of my friends works in NVIDIA and slwas previously a part of the graphics department where she worked on the rtx 3070 and briefly on 3080 card. The funny thing is she gets paid very low (SDE in India) and sadly her monthly salary is less than the price of either of the cards. While she is not keen on gaming, some of her mates are in a similar situation and just dream about buying it.

All I wanted to do was point out the irony wherein people who help make the thing themselves cant afford it.

Today I delivered the beta of my first product to the customer. The customer is only a different department within my company, but I'm still proud of what I've built. This project was of my own design and vision and it actually landed me the position I'm in today. Now I sit back and wait for feedback as they tear it apart and find out what works for them.

My boss just called me and asked to write a email informing our clients to not to download the update we pushed this very evening because Application is crashing when you will open that particular page.

What went wrong? One of our senior Developer, let's call him Mr. X, is totally against of testing the app before deploying it to clients. He believes that as i have created the application, i know exactly what to change to accomplish a requested feature or bug in application.

When a ticket assigned to him about a bug in the application, he simply make some changes in code, create the package and send it to test department. How do I know? He even boast it in front of us.

Most of the time it works but not every time like today. And I am pretty sure my boss is not going to ask a explanation about this to him.

I have great respect for him. It's okay to have confidence but testing before sending it to anybody will not make you junior. Will it? Being a senior You are making others to be careless about his job.

That's what happen today. Mr. X failed so does the testing department. So am I. I am the head of testing department as well.

I am not blaming him. I just cant. It was our job to test app thoroughly. I am feeling pretty bad now. His confidence made me vulnerable. Say his confidence made me clearly a fool. Lesson has been learned though.

I was underpaid and doing a job I didn't really like, I stuck with it for 6 months and told my boss about it. He didn't do anything about it. Our head of department told us at a meeting that as a young professional, you own your career path. I quit the following month and all of a sudden, my boss was ready to listen to him. I told him it was too late, I own my career path and this isn't good for it.

Place: Microsoft, Visual Studio department

Boss: we need to make beautiful changes, and make the development process more simple and beautiful.

Employee 1: let's arrange error messages to be more readable.

Boss: no, I don't need any details of error, just say there is an error.

Employee: But..

Boss: This is genius, do it now.

Me: 😭

Never NEVER accept friend request from other area.

A guy from the sales department sent me 10 messages through Facebook to give priority to him because he is my friend.

S**k it Manolo.

Most successful project? Probably a little tool I built to practice programming and to help with my studies in a completely different field. I didn't want to keep it all for myself and shared it with some friends at the university. I would never have expected that a couple of weeks later almost every student at our department will be using it but I'm quite happy I could help them too.

My university IT department fucking sucks. Nothing ever works, 90% of the website links 404 or just straight up are broken af

I am currently blocked from doing my job by a firewall policy handed down from corporate that prevents WSL2 from connecting to the internet. Three days of no dev environment and counting.

We make linux software to be hosted on linux in linux containers in linux. We use linux command line tools to make it work.

"NO! WE ARE THE ALL-POWERFUL IT DEPARTMENT AND YOU MUST USE WINDOWS BECAUSE FUCK YOU THAT'S WHY."

> Old job does away with working from home
> Half the department of ~100 quits within 3 weeks

It's almost as if IT people want to work from home 🤔🤔🤔

Not work but

Years ago when i was in middle school i wanted to mess with the school computers a bit so i made a desktop shortcut for shutdown and changed the name and icon to google chrome.
The person in charge of the it department freaked out and thought some kind of a massive virus infected everything.

Long story short turns out they had an event logger installed, figured out it was me and what i did...
I nearly got expelled 😑

My coworker (the safety officer of our department) came into my cubicle today and after standing there a few minutes with his phone out, I asked him what he was doing. He responded by saying "I noticed theres a Caterpie in your cubicle. As the safety officer, it is my duty to remove it, as it is causing a tripping hazard". I thanked him and we both went back to what we were doing.

Startup companies be like "we are hiring full stack developer"

Full Stack Developer = the entire IT department 😏

The reporting department had a freak out because they couldn’t print to PDFs. Whole reporting nightmare and on fire.
Turns out it was printer unplugged a thousand miles away where someone fifteen years ago put a check in to ensure that a specific printer was connected before allowing physical print jobs.

Colleague just found out that redislabs silently truncates passwords to 20 characters. Naturally our development department was horrified. It also explains why we couldn't access our account anymore. Who would even come up with such a thing?

My manager announced in today's team meeting that I got promoted and going to work in another department next month and no one said anything and I'm so fucking triggered. I just can't help it, I worked with most of these people for a long time, I know their best wishes mean nothing but come on, how fucking salty can you be, and why do I care so much lol.

My department bought a new monitoring monitor because the old one was broken.

Actually it wasn't, someone just unplugged the power cabel. *facepalm*

Back when SharePoint was still foreign to me, and I didn't know the pain of administrating it, I had the idea that files were copied to my local machine. I saw no need to preserve backups from before I started, especially since they already existed on the server, so I got rid of them.

Also hooked up to SharePoint was an email handler. Whenever a case was created or deleted, an email went out to the entire department. Guess what happened when I deleted 250,000 records?

Fortunately, SharePoint has a recycle bin. Unfortunately, restoring those files generated another 250,000 emails. To the whole department.

I bought many donuts to appease the crowd baying for my blood.

Hello winter depression. I showed up at work at 3pm. I should write a concept for restructuring our IT department. But I'm surrounded by people who have the misconception that design is just making things pretty. And they laugh at the idea to conduct user interviews to improve the situation. It's expected that I finish this until two weeks. Because thats when my contract ends. Job hunt starts again. I lost my motivation for everything. Let me be 😕

When they announce a new feature in a video that goes live today, but the feature isn't build yet. It isn't build yet because they never told the IT department that it should go live today. So now I'm stuck hotfixing it.

Colleague from other department : Hey man I don't think my laptop can access to my company mail do you think you can fix it?

Me, newly working as an application programmer : Nah sorry man, perhaps you could ask that technician by the server room. He will know more hardware than I do.

Colleague : But aren't you also an IT specialist?

Me : Did you just assume my occupation?

This would be my first official post.

Been a IT Technician for a managed service provider for the past 9 years up until last year August. Managing director pulls me in with a movement to App Development after coming across some personal hobby projects I have done in the past.

Started in the new position in November as Junior Developer and workloads get dumped on me and left to figure it out. 4 weeks of running through code without documentation and the solutions started to make sense.

Started a new solution for a Large remote customer with documentation and timelines in December and I get pulled in again for a second time in front of the MD.

Good News:With effect in January I have been promoted to Head of Application development.

Bad News: The existing department head is leaving end of the month and I am to go 900km from home to hand over all responsibilities for the next 3 weeks.

Better News: Department has started shifting to DevOps and it is up to me to set the policies and work flows to how I see fit.

Worse news: it starts by expanding the team asap as 10 projects accounting to 4000 man hours with deadlines in Q3.

Wish me luck. It's going to be twisted Rollercoaster ride...

So today I was asked by another department in my company to help them make a logo. They have meetings they have named Pulse (stupid healthcare.) So I made them a logo of the word Pulse with a red ekg then a long line after as if it was flat lining. I hope they either don't get it or get it and never ask me for such things again.

!rant

Super awesome day today.

1. Got up early to do a risky production deploy and it worked!
2. Three PRs approved before lunch.
3. Got some time to continue learning scala.
4. Coffee and cupcakes with some refugees and discussed work as a software engineer.
5. Tried virtual reality for the first time. Really fun.
6. Helped prepare our goals for this quarter and present them to the department.
7. Department meeting had free local craft beer and pretzels.
8. Went bouldering after work and flashed a 6c.
9. Curled up with my wife watching Netflix.

I really love my life sometimes.

New manager was hired in another department but he sits close to me.

After a couple of weeks he complimented how it always seemed like I was there at work.

I just said thanks. But what I wanted to say was...

"Yeah no kidding fucktard, you get here after 8am, leave before 3pm, and you some how are impressed that not only does my normal 8 hour shift completely overlap the time you are here, but I also regularly put in 9 hour days which is pretty normal for people around here.”

I saw a rant about some department still using win98, and it reminded me, when I was in school the school library used MS-fucking-DOS, windows 10 was already out by that time...
The librarian lady was really surprised I even knew what it was, which meant she knew it was fucking ancient

I'm working on a banking app (Android) and I thought: "This is a bank. An important one. They will surely have a good IT department! It will be a joy to work with them"...

Never have I been so wrong!

Printer strikes again!
Boss is pissed off that the printer is not working for him but works for the accounting department. He slammed the "photocopy cover thingy" with a "putain" (which I doubt will make it work). I had told him multiple times last week that the credentials he entered is wrong and he needs to verify that first. He will hopefully eventually realise it. Till then
Printer: 01
Human: 00

Once in a while I feel like Big Head on Silicon Valley when he was at Hooli. Guess it is not the worst thing. Maybe they will promote me to the moonshot department.
Maybe some day I will get his type of buyout.

PM : Develop this new feature. Client needs it tomorrow. And be sure it works perfectly well.
Dev : haha how can it work without bug if it's developed in a day ?

Poor dev got transferred to support department :(

Figured I'd post for some advice here and see if anybody has had previous experience or success with a situation like this.

My team is generally comprised of full-stack developers completing front-end custom work on sites, writing back-end tools, and fixing broken sites. We are a rapid-response DEV team, and we typically turn around any custom requests in less than 5 days and fix any broken sites on the same day as they were reported. We manage almost 15,000 sites across multiple countries, and deal with very large corporations that many of you interact with every day (I'm trying to be cryptic here hahaha.) There are 16 of us on our team, and we are the only DEV team within our department of 500+ people. We are also the only DEV team taking requests from these 500+ people. The way the department works, we are the final say on whether a specific piece of custom work will get completed or not, and we are the go-to people when anybody has a question about our system infrastructure or if our system can accommodate a request, along with how to fix any broken pieces of our platform. We typically get about 150 requests per day. Lately, the entire team has become unhappy with our compensation for the work we do. We're quite underpaid, and they keep giving us more responsibilities without any sort of extra compensation. We've discovered that there are a large amount of non-developers below us that are getting paid more than we are. We've found that we get paid about $15,000 less than a comparable DEV team in a different department (let's call that team DEV_2,) just because of which department our team exists within, and how our department defined our job back when this position was created a few years ago. Ever since the position was created, our team's responsibilities have exponentially increased. We believe that there is absolutely no reason that an entry-level position below us should get paid just as much, or even more in some cases, than a developer. Of course, we're not asking to pay them less. Instead, we've decided that we're going to bring this up with our manager and schedule a meeting with him, our Department Director, and Human Resources, and voice that we believe that we should be on the same payscale as the comparable DEV_2 in the other department.

To be a good developer on our team, you need to not only have coding expertise, but also an encyclopedic knowledge of what you can do within our platform without any coding. You need this knowledge so you can pass it along to any people in positions below you, in case they didn't know that something could be done without custom code.

We're going to argue that if it weren't for our team, the company would be losing millions of dollars in clients, because people wouldn't have anybody to go to for platform infrastructure questions, broken websites, or custom work. Instead, they would need to send these requests to the DEV_2 team, which currently take about 6 months to turnaround requests. Like I said, we are a rapid-response DEV team, and these particular clients think that a 5 day turnaround time is ridiculous. If they had to wait 6 months for their request to be completed, they would cancel their contracts.

Not to mention the general loss of knowledge if the members of our team went to a different department, which would be catastrophic for our current department. Believe me, this department could not function without this DEV team. If we all went on vacation for a week, the place would be on fire by the time we got back, and many clients would be lost.

Do any of you have any experience with a situation like this, and if so, how did it turn out? Thank you!

oh FFS my university pissed me off so bad right now that I had to wait 20 min to cool down to be able to write a rant about it...

so, one of the university department offer an email address which is the official university approved email for student packs like jetbrain's. I wanted to renew my jetbrains subscription, but for that I have to get a verification email on that address..
But since the only time I use it is this annual renewal I dont know the webmail's url..
So I search for it on the department pages, services and its nowhere to be found. Finaly I found it on a student maintained wiki page.
I try to log in.. no luck. try another password, still not it. Try all of the passwords that I remember using in the previous 3 year and no luck.
well fck it the password change is managed by a website where I can log in with a different method, so I change the password and try to log in again.
No fcking luck! And at this point I bashed my head against the wall because I found out that the password change takes them about 1 or 2 hours... hours! wtf...

So some asshole keeps sending phishing emails to every student and prof in our university and the IT department is too pathetic to block it. They all come from the same email and contain the same text yet they cant filter it and just send warnings not to click it.

Im getting sick of recieving 5 of these a day, i scanned and viewed the page and its just a simple form copying the outlook login page with a redirect to the actual page after submission.

Whats the easiest way to write a script that will spam them with thousands of fake accounts? How can i fuck with these guys?

Poor Mr. Squishy working as a window stopper, since some clever folks at the property management department, after months of nagging to get blinds so that the light reflected doesn’t interfere with my (light in general, not direct sunlight).

They installed the blinds in front of the window, so it can only be opened a few centimetres… Well done! Well done! I have to choose, either slightly warmer air than I prefer, or bothersome light reflection in all of my monitors.

the kind of issues our it department have

Just because my title has "Web" in it, doesn't mean I signed up to solve all your marketing analytics issues - there's a whole department for that stuff! 😡

At the age of 50 I have learned what FICA is.

FInancial Customer Account

It'a a SAP module but I suppose It was the name of a Penthouse department.

P.S.

FICA in Italian are female genitals, "recupero" is retrieve.
It sounds like "pussy retrieve".
This document was made by a staff of 4 men and 4 women.

FUCK MY LIFE!

MY DEPARTMENT IS IN SEARCH OF 3 PYTHON DEVS (1 expert, 2 "normal") FOR DEVELOPING AUTOMATIC THINGS!!! I would seriously apply because it's like my first dev job without having attended University.

But only for two years... After that I have to reapply for my old job.. but it's two (expert 3) salary groups up from mine...

What to do?

Also fuck python but I would learn it for God's sake

I didn’t. I suck at it. That’s why I ended up being a manager. Not that I didn’t try, but according to a scientific test I took in college to figure out why I kept failing my math classes, I’m screwed in the math and logic department. I sure know how to read and write, though, so I guess I have that going for me.

Epic code fight broke out today when one developer fronted himself for leader due to having beat all the metrics by a factor of ten. Claimed he could replace the entire department based on LOC alone.

Another developer told him to fucking zip it.

After almost coming to blows someone managed to explain to him that he had to put his code into a compressed archive.

As it compressed to ten times smaller than the next smallest contribution he declared victory because his compressed better. Another developer joked better call bomb squad.

In my second year of A levels in secondary school (college) we had to make a quiz game using Microsoft Visual Basic. Was my first time using the software, got annoyed within a few weeks and downloaded a template off the internet. The whole IT department thought I was some form of genius until I crashed the servers (in over 200 schools) trying to hack them 6 weeks later.

Sir if you're reading this, I'm sorry.

The IT department at my school doesn't know anything on Ubuntu or even Linux for that matter.
I asked them how I could connect to the WiFi on Ubuntu, cause I couldn't connect and they just said there was nothing they could do.
After that I spend two days to figure out how to connect and finally I got it working.
Next time I don't ask if they can help. I just ask for the settings and do it myself...

Oh, boy, prepare for the shit to fly at your face at light speed. Here it comes!

Been working for 6 weeks at this new company now. But at a department that has nothing to do with the job in my contract. Went to the boss and asked how long I have to do this the first week and he said "It will be 4-8 weeks. After this (department A) you'll be placed in department B". I was like "Ok".

6 weeks pass by and there's no sound from him. Went to his office and complained that something slowly needs to happen (changewise). He agreed and I went back to work.

Few hours pass by and my coworker gets a call from him that I will be working at department C from now on with no more information (such as end date) given. My coworker told me that and I asked if he didn't tell my coworker about the end date or any change of plans regarding department B. My coworker didn't know anything.

After the work ended I went to the boss again to ask him why there was this sudden change that he could have told me before in today's meeting or if this sudden change will interfere with our old plan. Instead he passive aggressively told me that he already told me that I will be placed at department B in 2 weeks.

No shit, Sherlock. I already fucking knew that you told me that. I just wanted to know if this sudden change changed our old agreement.

This company is so fucking unorganized. Jesus!

Managed to keep the IT department happy... made friends there, getting amazing stuffs at request right at my desk

IT department of client still doesn't get its shit together. Previously, I've ranted that they insist I access their GitLab through a fucking RDP.

Me: requests an account to their Confluence space

Them: give me a Confluence account. Naturally, Confluence requests that I confirm my email. That needs to be confirmed in the inbox of my.name@theircompany.com. Mail servers hosted by Azure, using Outlook.

Me: ok, let's configure my Outlook, 2FA as they configured to demand it from me... install MS's authenticator app, ok so far so good... Now I'm ready to login and find that email from Confluence and... ERROR 500 INVALID LICENSE

Fucking hell. You just love your siloes so much you actually make it impossible to access it and feel good about my own good will.

My superpower: having the flu will not affect me whatsoever...but it will get everyone else in my vicinity SICK af.

Which is why my sexy ass was sent home since Monday and I have been living life at home this week. I haven't taken a vacation in so long, and this feels nice. HR fucked up and their dumbasses said I was not "cleared" to work from home. Yet I have over 200 hours accumulated of sick leave.

My department is in flames because I am needed there. Of course, every other department thinks I don't do shit all day, the only one that knows how much I do is my boss, bless him. But for every other motherfucker that thinks that I am here just playing with my thumbs all day: eat shit...und die.

Who is the brain-damaged engineer at Samsung that decided that a capacitive touch buttons on an induktion cooktop is the way to go. As soon a waterdrop falls on any button the stove goes "FUCK IT, I'M OUT" and shut itselfs off for about 30 seconds.

How wonderful when you have 4 different pots that must have different temperatures and you must use each [+] - button sequentially because the idiot engineer was to lazy to make the input be able to handle several buttons at once!

Stupid idiot engineer and QA department!

From the only tech guy (after co worker left) at my old job to 'the new guy' at my new job

Its a fucking flip lol
But at least I'm not dealing with a terrible ceo and growth

Day 3 and they're already trusting me with stuff and not treating me like a child even though I'm asking a million questions

And they're already discussing how I can use my actual background experience to do new unique things for the department rather than just bogging me down with instructions and "do it this way"

I'm trying to bring some structure to the IT department, but I need help with something. I'm on my feature branch for some front-end stuff. I realize that there is some back-end missing that my colleague must do. How should we go about tackling this? Should he create another feature branch, fix the things, merge to master, and then i can merge from master?

All tech department was really happy when we used Github Projects - managing a project was concise and organised. We loved it.
Then one day, product pushed us all to switch to the fuckin' conglomerate mess called Jira (fuck you Atlassian), which we still hate. So cumbersome, so much unimportant crap features, unintuitive interface, slow .... yes, fuck you Jira, again.

it's so quiet here in the IT department when my boss isn't here to distract me

Don't you just love it when a department buys a software for the company without consulting IT and Data Management departments? You know to discuss integration, flexibility, compatibility and all that?

Don't you love it even more when the users of this new software then complain about the different tools that have to learn and the workflow being completely scattered?

But hey, they work in administration, so I'm sure they know what they are doing. ⚡⚡⚡

Adobe labs released one new component, I played with it after two days. Went to an interview with huge company after two weeks for a developer position, the interviewers was from different departments, they asked about one technical challenge they have, then I suggest the new component as solution, they gave me small task to implement using the component, I delivered it next day... Then they hired me in R&D department. It was great days.

we need you to implement some front end components but design department is not following their own standards, and changing the fucking mockup, so now you have to change your shit again

like fuck, how hard can it fucking be to hand me the locked in design and ill make it, i dont wanna have to muck this shit up and fight css again

Our it department 😁

I'm genuinely shocked at the number of people I see on here bashing automated testing as a waste of time, simply because my entire career has taught me the opposite (and it's usually only non-technical managers I see who don't want to see "time wasted" writing tests.)

I'm also just as genuinely curious - what do you guys do instead? Just don't test and deal with production issues as they occur? Pass it off to a separate UAT / human-based testing department and let them sign it off? Assume that because you're using Haskell / some other discipline it'll work if it compiles?

There will always be an idiot in a IT department that will ruin your Saturday, by adding a few more network restrictions for no freaking reason, breaking everything else.

Previous department director. I loved working with the dude.

He had a no bullshit attitude and would always back up and defend his people, he would tell us that whenever he sticks his neck out for us we better be in the right because he would go full ballistic and did not wanted to make a fool of himself or the department. Dude was fucking amazing.

He was happy when I accepted the promotion but told me that he wanted me to shadow him to learn more about proper management techniques. It was a clear mentor trainee relationship, but he had 100% full trust in my ability and knowledge.

He retired about a year ago, got a new director, dude ain't thaaaat bad but he has a lot of cons, as a person I like the new boss, as a boss I am not convinced entirely since he has not been around for long, but it does feel that he does not listen, goes in one ear and out through the other kind of person.

The development department got an order to remove certain functionality from our current server monitoring solution, so that we had to use a new, still very in development solution, that is full of bugs and super unreliable.

End result? We now have to have two windows open all the time, while also hoping the new solution actually works, as it tends to stop refreshing randomly, and tends to give false positives a lot.

So I'm working our remote build/testing server, and all of a sudden my computer just turns off. No crash message, no error, just turned off. My co-worker tries to help troubleshoot the problem.

Nothing.

I take the computer downstairs to the hardware department. They plug it in and it starts no problems.

After it finishes updating, I take it back upstairs and plug it back in.

Nothing.

I suggest that it is the power cable, and my co-worker looks under his desk. Turns out he had kicked the switch on the surge protector. 😑

At our workplace we clean our offices ourselves, and I don't have a problem with that. My boss asked me to clean the very dusty server room because I'm the only girl in the IT department. I feel somewhat discriminated as a woman in tech. Would it be wrong for me to refuse.

Me: * gets into work in a surprisingly good mood for a Monday *

Coworker: " hey so you know that shared folder that a LOT of our stuff is on as well as a LOT of stuff in the entire IT department is on? Yeah it's gone."

Me * leaves work *

My best dev experience this year was the success of my company intern app at work, where I am employeed since last December beside my studies.
The company founder, the CEO, the head of department and the marketing department all like my app and in January it will be deployed to all company phones 😀
Whish me luck that there won't be any serious bugs 😅

what's your expirience with business intelligence / data science? Do your company has a own department for it?
If so how does it affect you?

When a national organization leaves the administrator password on a tool that manages the entire IT Department to the default password.
Also when said default password is publicly documented, known by all trained administrators of this tool, and said tool is exposed to the Internet.

Memorable coworkers? It's a toss up between the guy who got fired for calling a department director a c*nt on a recorded phone line loud enough for the whole call center to hear it, and the guy who reported me to HR for not including him in a private Slack conversation because it had nothing to do with him.

People are weird.

Kind of awkward for me.

Tomorrow is my last day at my current job and my department is starting to work full time remote tomorrow.

I start my new job this next Monday, and they went full remote yesterday. As of now they're shipping my laptop my way, but they cancelled new hire orientation on Monday and moved it to the following week. I haven't heard about what is expected for Monday yet, guess I'll know soon!

Email from a department mgr regarding a sharepoint site we inherited (lots of custom javascript, XLS, etc, stuff we didn't write)

Dan: "The department filter isn't showing up when I select the 'Logistics and Support' department. Was this caused by the changes you guys made? Its causing a major disruption in our processes and need it fixed ASAP."
Me: "Those changes went out almost two months ago and all the filters were working fine, at least that is what you told me when you tested it."
Dan: "I thought so, but its not working. It has probably been broken ever since you made those changes so I filed a corrective action ticket against your department for not following the documented deployment and testing processes"
Me: "Really? We've been over this. Its your department that is responsible for that sharepoint site. Previous developers hacked javacript together to make it all work, but I'm sure its something simple."
Dan: "Great. I'll start putting together a root-cause analysis to determine which of your processes we need to address."

Start looking at the javascript and found the issue..

if (dept === "Logistics & Support") {
$('deptFilter').show();
}
else {
$('deptFilter').hide();
}

Me: 'Found the issue. Did you rename the logistics department?'
Dan: 'No'
Me: 'To show or hide the filter, the code was looking for "Logistics & Support", someone changed the title to "Logistics and Support"'
Dan: "Well...I guess I did that yesterday...but I didn't change the name, just that stupid character. That shouldn't make any difference."
Me: "I can fix that right now. Are you going to need more information for your root cause analysis?"
Dan: "No, I think we're good. Thanks."

Ok, a customer came to us saying he had a product that is just randomly rebooting. It sure must be a software issue.

I got the task and worked my way through ~10k lines of assembly code (8085 processor on board) Weeks go by, i tested every single god damn funktion they had, analyzed every vector they put in, finding NOTHING...

Meanwhile the hardware department analyzed and tested some possible culprits on the product for me. I had NO idea what the problem could be...

Then hardware department said: oh, they forgot a resistor on the FUCKIN RESET PIN OF THE PROCESSOR!!!!!

fml...

Still not sure about this new guy, not trying to be rude but everytime we're talking about code he says shit that makes me wonder how he got hired. (btw he is hanging with the IT department all the time) He's a very nice guy, but talks massive shit when it comes to bugs/new features/etc.

Should I have a look at his pc to see what he's doing when in office or is it none of my business. Help me out here, I'm really curious but don't care if he's a fake at the same time lol.

My job. Working in a small IT department. Web programming most of the day and being able to help people with their phones, software, internet connection, and so on...

The only thing I sometimes wished for were some other devs in my company that would understand me and my problems and with whom I could discuss new technologies.

But now I got devrant. I'll be fine from now on.

Once you offer tech support to one person, you become the IT department to all people.

When I was a high school, I did an internship at IT department for a local "center for student guidance".

The IT department consisted of one guy that started to automate everything the first year he worked there. He ended up being low on work and got flak from people above him for not working enough. He threw all his scripts away and the bosses/managers were happy he worked more... But his work was of course slower with more mistakes.

Also, he had an excel sheet of everyone username + password. The excel file was secured with a password. When he went to the coffee machine, he never locked his computer nor the spreadsheet.

How our MIS/IT department handles problems...

Once upon a time a long time ago, a C level suit opened ransomware from an email with a link in it via Dropbox.

Two years in, even the marketing department, who are all using iMacs for digital media creation, inbound marketing, and website development, and alsohave more common sense than the lowly Excel minions, are still blocked from using Dropbox.

Thank god for Socks5 Proxying and an SSH tunnel to our web server. ;) I can has all the things.

In all the companies i worked at so far, never seen any employee (in any department) above age 50..maybe the ceo or some lawyer, but thats it.
Where do all the 50+ ppl go in tech?
I'm not sure the tech world will be what it is now even in 10 years.. but I'm just wondering do any of u guys think/worry about where we'll work when we stop being young and cool?
Looks like it's either u start your own business, which not everyone can, or..
what is option B exactly?!?

According to the report of Reuters : Brazil's Ministry of Justice said on Monday it has fined U.S. tech giant Facebook 6.6 million reais ($1.6 million) for improperly sharing user data. The ministry's department of consumer protection said it had found that data from 443,000 Facebook users was made improperly available to developers of an App called 'thisisyourdigitallife.' The data was being shared for "questionable" purposes, the ministry said in a statement.

Been spending the afternoon working with our IT department helping them use the webpage they supposedly designed so they can help me with a separate issue. Turns out they were using IE...

Client doesn't trust SendGrid. They're having their IT department deploy their own SMTP servers. This should be interesting.

Really sad in 2016 when I have to teach an assistant manager and her underling in a different department about PEMDAS.

We deal with excel on a daily basis and the math always follows that. Had to explain in very simple steps how it works. Then was asked what an exponent was. *weapons grade face palm*

The amount of highly sexual, disgusting jokes and shit that me and my employees say at the office behind close doors is the primary reason why I keep the door to my department offices closed.

I usually tell everyone that it is due to covid concerns, but it ain't, we really do be making the most disgusting jokes known to man.

Example:

Me: cum bucket!!!!
From outside the office, the CMS admin: "mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm yess daddy??"

My office is not normal, my guys are polite, articulate and proper in any other meeting that we attend, but dear me I sometimes worry.

The Director of my employer's Firmware Engineering department, an older guy, sent out a department-wide email introducing a new hire. IN COMIC SANS.

Even though I am a new employee myself, I cannot let a disgrace like this pass unaddressed. So I politely and as respectfully as possible urged him not to use Comic Sans in a professional setting, and even offered rationale & alternatives.

He essentially responded, "No offense, but I'm gonna use whichever font I choose," but with that one simple sentence riddled with grammatical and spelling errors.

Shortly afterwards, he then sent out a mass email introducing me as a new hire. With my provided bio in a business-appropriate font, sandwiched between two hideous blocks of Comic Sans.

Honestly, how the fuck do people like this make it to a managerial position? >_>

Any hospital manager can manage ten IT departments simultaneously, any IT manager can’t even manage his own emails, let alone one department. Change my mind.

Some time ago at work, I verified a system design by running the whole thing in my head, bombarding it with various fault conditions in all phases in order to check whether I had forgotten anything. I had my eyes closed, and my PC was not even switched on. Right in that moment, the boss of my department came in.
He: what are you doing?
Me, without opening the eyes: thinking.
He: don't you want to code?
Me, eyes still closed: no.
He: (leaving)

enrolled in a maaters of CS with a concentration in A I and it has all been bullshit. poorly made lectures, retarded lecturers, unwilling to help staff and just overall shit experience. Thinking about switching concentration before they ruin any hope i have for A.I before it becomes too late. legit considering if i need the mcs for anything else than job prospects for which i already have a really good paying job for which it is virtually impossible to get rid of me(i hold the entire department) man........ really want to drop out

Head of department is building a bitcoin rig with my manager friday afternoon in his office using tools from the IT one month after degrading me publicly and giving me an official warning in writing to respect working hours so cutting me off from my bonuses and promotions.

College. The head Prof of the IT department tries to open a site without even looking at the networking icon, which says disconnected, meaning that the Ethernet cable was unplugged. Tries to refresh a couple of times.

Goes off to find a lab assistant.
Assistant comes is, plugs in the cable.

The heart of every software company is the development department.

Without it:
- The sellers would have nothing to sell
- Testers won't have anything to test
- Technical support wouldn't have anything to install

We specified a very optimistic setup for a data science platform for a client....

Minimum one machine with a 16 core CPU with 64GB RAM to process data.....

Client's IT department: Best we can do is an 8 core 16GB server.

Literally what I have on my laptop.

Data scientist doesn't use any out-of-memory data processing framework, e.g. Dask, despite telling him it's the best way to be economical on memory; ipykernel kills the computation anyway because it runs out of memory.

Data scientist has a 64GB machine himself so he says it's fine.

Purpose of the server: rendered pointless.

Can someone tell me why C++ and python are so widely used in the AI department? I kind of understand… you want maximum performance (plus GPU) with C++ or easy logic with Python but still, it seems like other languages would still have there benefits in AI. It just doesn't make sense to me, why isnt it like every single other part of computer science where everyone under 22 thinks "now this is what JavaScript was made for!" (I mean js is used so much in other parts of cs, why not AI). Am I missing something? Maybe the resources are missing for AI in other languages? Can someone please expand

!rant

Guys I need your help, I'm considering the corporate life, and I have two major options

Option A:
A software factory where I would be working on maintaining existent systems and adding features, but I would learn a lot with their shadow program.

Option B:
An IT department where I would use a lot of different technologies, .Net, Java, ADF, etc, maybe even hardware but I would be paid the fifth than with A.

So what do you think?

Since everyone rants about interviews, I think that's the perfect time to ask this.
In a week, I'm going to have my first interview.
Its for an apprenticeship as "Fachinformatiker für Systemintegration".
For the non-german speakers, pretty much sysadmin,server-engineer, sometimes internal tech-support.

The company isn't a tech-company, but a logistics-company.
The interview will be done by the boss of the company's location and the lead of the IT-department.

So, what should I expect, what questions and such ?

A year ago i made a binary which very quickly checks all stuff we normally check on customers PCs manually via a few WMI queries.

It worked well on 3 dev machines, so i went to my department lead, told him to execute it and the fucking thing just spews WMI errors left and right.

Even though it showed us that some very low level stuff in his Windows installation was broken it was just embarrassing as hell.

Shortly after I had all checks fitted with a secondary method in case WMI fails.

I was a university student. The it company, I was interviewed at, required everyone to pass English test. I passed it with quite a good result (90 of 100, know no one with such result). So next day I had an actual interview with a head of some department.
He didn't had his own office, instead he shared it with 5 other employees. One of them was taking with someone on Skype. He told he had some work to finish, but it shouldn't take long. It took an hour.
And then he returned to me, starting asking questions about my knowledge. I am a java backend guy, but he asked me about php stuff and front-end stuff like ‘moving a button to a new position’.
Basically, this is it.

whining

So I'm sitting here, working my ass off developing something far above my current skills.

On the opposite side of the table sits relatively new guy, working as a part of support "department". Relatively new means that he's with the company for around 1 month.

The guy started speaking to me. I took off my headphones and listened, while still reading code. He told me about how he'll have to carry out the recruitment process for the support department today. And that he was told to present himself as a leader of the department, blah blah blah.

To be honest, I stopped listening at that moment. I got really pissed. And it's not because of the absolute lack of the professionalism of the company (srsly, make a new guy do recruitment work?). It's because I asked boss to get someone to help me half a year ago. He did employ around 3 new support people (4th today). But no one for me.

And he has the balls to tell me that I NEED to work harder to make it for deadline that he imposed. That he won't employ anyone new for me because new people could stole his "idea". Because MAYBE in a month one guy, a junior like me, will come back (he's on a break to finish his master thesis).

Product I'm working on is probably the main reason other companies are even buying the system he's reselling. As a student I'm working only half-time, so those deadlines are almost impossible.

I wonder how he'll manage if I'll get accepted for the work I'm currently applying.

i guess im learning COBOL now..
didn't even know, this language still exists, and is alive until the Lead of the Department came around and asked me if i know that language, because they have a potential customer Project.

Others said, i shouldn't do it, but i'm also curious.

At the very least i will check it out 🦕

I started reading “The Phoenix Project” by Gene Kim. And in the first chapter itself two people from the IT department get fired, and the author is forced to takeover the CIO position. Damn, now I’m shook. Is Tech really that much under appreciated and management that much hostile ?

I went to an interview yesterday and the director of IT department asked me what are the differences between mobile applications and web applications... Seriously what kind of questions is this??

A while ago I ranted about my laptop at work which was unable to install a Windows update. After several attempts I have the laptop to our IT department, but they also weren’t be able to install these update. So it seems that I order a new laptop this year.

When your boss calls for a meeting with the whole IT department because he is too worried about losing face by lecturing the guy who talked back to him.

IT admins of devRant, explain my dumbass the following:

Why would an IT department put servers in a VPN without TLS.

They presume they don't need because muh-VPN.

And then they don't want to hand out VPN connections to anyone and force me to use Citrix RDP 🤡

I know there are security reasons, but is there not a better way? Like goteleport.com ?

Asking for a friend (or several)

why is it everybody wants to hire a head of a department all the time

like that's just super weird to me

wouldn't it make more sense to hire someone into a lower position, have them learn from head of a department, then get promoted because you know they'll head the department to your standards then?

but most posts want you to already be head of a department... and it's like, I don't know your department. what the hell happened to the last head of department? why do so many people need heads of department? why the hell are they choosing to get them from outside the company?

somehow none of this makes any sense to me
like I'm literally just so confused why people hire seniors and expect them to automatically know the way the company does things
it just literally doesn't make sense

promote your underlings? then hire more underlings to sus them out?
WHY ARE YOU HIRING SENIOR STAFF FROM OUTSIDE YOUR COMPANY, LITERALLY NOBODIES, AND GIVING THEM TONS OF AUTONOMY AND CONTROL OVER OTHERS IN YOUR COMPANY, THATS SO CONFUSING

worse yet I hear most people just lie when they apply so it's like... are you rotating irresponsible lying people through senior positions at your company over and over again, as they attrition your underlings and eventually get fired for incompetence?

WHAT IS THE STATE OF THIS ECOSYSTEM

I signed up for a trial of some time tracking software. Apparently the company that owns it is incredibly aggressive with their sales department. They sent me 10 emails within the first week (still sending even though I unsubscribed) and have started calling me every day. What have I gotten myself into.

The university's IT Department has asked to talk to me asap.

I dont if I should be worried or not!

Latest bug from our testing Department.

They think it may be a database issue why they can't save 0.00 degrees

After 4 years of being cautious not to stir the waters it happened again. There was much gratefulness. Then there was much hate. Yesterday I accidentally replaced 17 people department with 3 scripts.