My son came from kindergarten with a picture he painted. And that's what I found on the backside of the paper.

1. Buy boxes of orange juice, almost past their expiry date.
2. Put boxes on the hot office windowsill for a few weeks.
3. Cool down juice in fridge.
4. "Hey dear coworker, would you like a refreshing juice box on this hot spring day?"
5. Watch coworker retch and vomit, spitting blue-grayish juice over his desk, crying: "Why would you give me old moldy juice without checking the date?"
6. "Do you remember when you told me you didn't have time for unit tests? THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS, DAVE, THIS IS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENS WHEN YOU DEPLOY UNTESTED CODE.... NOW FINISH YOUR JUICE!"

Where is the LAN cable and why the hell does my chair not...

Oh.

teacher gives a question in a test : can you save a word document as a pdf.

me :Yes

teacher :that is wrong

me : shows her how to do it..

teacher : "oh well "

Just found the best dev ever.

https://alcohollick.com/tfw.html

Me: I have admin rights
Windows: Looks legit
Me: can I delete this folder ?
Windows: Nope

You know, exiting Skype is even harder than exiting Vim

In Europe, we use € instead of $ in jQuery.

Google => googled

Duck duck go => duck duck went?

🤔

Yesterday, my employer promoted me to lead web developer.

I’m still the only web developer.

Total garbage

Me: *puts small piece of tape over webcam*

NSA: Okay guys, shut it all down. No way we can record from the microphone, log keys, access the file system, USB devices, network data or watch the screen. He did the tape.

So apparently this is an official company in the UK

It all makes sense now...

Waiting for this day....

When you try to tell your fellow devs to start using Git 😶

It's funny because it's true

It's 2018, web developers, let get our tools on..

*Me Calling the NSA..

[NSA]: Hello, how can I help you !
[ME]: Hello, this is the NSA right?
[NSA]: Yes
[ME]: Since you are recording all phone calls, I have a little request.
[NSA]: And What is that?
[ME]: My mom called me couple hours ago to bring something from the supermarket, her phone is off.. What did she told me to bring?
[NSA]: beep..beep..beep

I was told during my initial interview that the book "Clean Code" is their Bible here.

And it's true. It's lying, unread in drawers and shelves all over the office.

Guys, guys, guys! Read this if you haven't already..Hilarious ;-)

Source: http://kumo.swcp.com/synth/text/...

Did you say security?

pshht 🤫😄

My biggest dev sin is not writing any unit tests for devRant :/

Only pure evil can design a PC case that has reset button same size and shape like USB port and place it next to USB ports.

Found something true as 1 == 1

Beware of the new ATM phishing attack.

Watched this movie called Unthinkable where the guy who is supposed to defuse the bomb is typing gibberish into Excel 😂😂😂

Client: We have a HUGE security problem.

Me: *thinks about any possible vulnerabilities* What is it?

Client: A user can take a picture of our website and steal our content.

I’m done for today.

Internship number two.

*walks downstairs to get a coffee*
*CTO (my guider) walks in*
CTO: (dead serious face) "linuxxx (not using my first name :P), come with me please"
*walks along to his office, starting to get reallly fucking nervous*
*CTO and me walk into his office, he sits down and looks at me very serious*
*I'm slightly shaking, nervous, sweating*
CTO: "So."
*oh yes here it is its gonna come I did something wrong fuck fml 😫😥😨😩*
CTO: "So you know quite some stiff around security/privacy. Could you tell me some stuff about why I'd want to use VPN and recommend me some good providers? 😀"
😅
*nearly falls onto the ground from relief*

I explained him some stuff and sent him a list of good providers 😀