Trying to sleep!!!

Pics ? 😃😃😃

I just remembered the first time I set up a Linux-Server. It was a simple Apache webserver at my first internship anf I didnt have a clue about literally anything.

My mentor guided me through and gave me literal step-by-step instructions (alright, now type... and now type...).

At the end he told me "OK, now run 'sudo rm -rf /*' to finish setting up". Me, being the naive and clueless motherfucker I am, happily nuked the everloving shit out of my newly setup server. I was like "Alright, WTF just happened??" He then told me "Now that you know how it works, do the entire thing again all by yourself. And you just learned an important lesson: NEVER exexute commands you dont know what theyre doing". I really did learn a lot on that day and still follow that lesson :D

My friend (not in CS) said his computer was a bit slow.
I told him I'd fix that for 10, he agreed.

I increased the cursor speed.
He bought it.

Woman couldn't reach the login page of her hosting account.

After 15 minutes of debugging she found out that her Internet wasn't turned on.

This shit is the fucking reason why I drink alcohol.

"please wait 5 seconds 'till you can continue with the call" *additional charges apply

I experienced this before 😑

I sold my first app today. I’m 70 cents richer now. ;)

Is it just me, or after using VS Code for a while, every other IDE does feel ugly???

Fun but cringy

I prefer "it worked" over "hello world"

*Mom shows me laptop ad of 3000 bucks with the most overkill specs ever*

Mom: "Son, will this laptop run Google?"

Me: "Do you want to surf Google or actually run Google's server?"

Mom: *looks confused*

"I also want to use Fesabook on it"

Me: *brings her a 5 year old laptop with a new ssd in it*

*has an old i3, 8gb ram and no gpu*

Mom: "This laptop is super fast! Thanks son!"

*One hour later*

*Mom calls*

"Son, I think the laptop broke"

Me: "What? What happened?"

Mom: "I pressed a button and now all the keys are lighting red" (backlit keyboard)

Me: "You can choose the color of your keyboard mom"

Mom: "Ooh! How do I make it pink?"

Me: "You can only choose between red and blue..."

Mom: "What a ripoff"

*Hangs up the phone*

seniorDev has added the feature, which has got deployed. I thought added feature is not appropriate and i forced him to remove the feature. After few days, clients demanded same feature
Moral: respect SeniorDev.

Showers

99% of my bugs are fixed whilst I'm in the shower

Honestly, I should just get a waterproof computer and write code in there

Who is capable of?

Spotify, I don't think "changelog" means what you think it means.

Colleague: As asap as possible!
Me: ಠ_ಠ

It's super effective

I'm pretty sure it's Microsoft which stopped downloading of Ubuntu

Best alias for sudo?

Mine is 'fuckin'.

How many programmers dose it take to change a lightblub?

None, it's a hardware problem.

Playing 'Skip-Bo' with my daughter.
She: "Why isn't there a zero in this game? You know...0, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5...."

MY daughter ❤️.

I'm just really bad at finishing anythi

Github stats:

coworker 1: 3,535k ++ 987k --
coworker 2: 1,563k ++ 735k --
etc.
me: 453k ++ 7,848k --

I guess this confirms my job at the company as "Backend Crap Remover".

My brother and I were checking out this new restaurant that had opened up recently. As we enter,

I inadvertently blurt out, "Hey! This place has a nice UI!"

Brother - "Wut?"

Me - "Ambience, I meant ambience."

When your mother keep waking you up asking where is MS Office Word...

Why did the integer drown?

Because it wouldn't float.

Always

Boss: I saw that you are using {some JavaScript library}, why?

Me: you asked for this functionality and the library is very good for that

Boss: here at our company we do not use code from other people, we write everything ourselves

Me: but this library is very well built, actively developed and supported

Boss: I don't care, please rewrite this component

Suffice to say, I quit that job asap. Whoever thinks it's a good idea write so much code for a small purpose in an application when there is something available open source to use, is stupid. In most cases it's better to use something which is out there than to waste time writing a hardly stable version of it.

Hot fix of a production bug!