I traveled back in time and broke the wieners, arms and legs off of all the ancient statues.

Edit: Second Baz here from the future, this joke will go down in history as the best joke ever written.

Edit: Third Baz here: Are you guys doing the time travel joke?

20 minutes for a 1GB update.

It's getting tiresome and an inconvenience to switch on an Xbox for a quick game.

I have installed entire Operating Systems quicker.than these updates take to complete.

Consoles used to be convenient to fire up and play, that was a lot of the appeal.

And are controllers getting heavier?

A completely technical observation.

When I was out in a bar the other night, I watched someone play a poker machine, and it dawned on me, Poker machines haven't been adjusted for inflation.

20 years ago if you won 5 quid, it may have bought a round, but now you would be lucky to buy a pint with 5 quid.

I can still beat the machine myself, I thought it was interesting that there is less of a payoff for any coin you spend, so much so that it looks like a rip off.

I used to hate seeing guys throw their entire wage packet into machines on a Friday night.

What is it about long winded articles for a two second one click solution?

A quick search to find out how to change the control panel to classic view in windows 7. (because I forgot and the windows Operating system is no longer intuitive and Dev-friendly).

Search engine: (Insert hundreds of articles here!)

Solution: Click on large Icons where it says "View by".

Search engine: (Enjoy sifting through this pile of results written by thousands of gas-bags, you looser!).

Rocking back 'n forward sitting in the corner of the room holding my legs against my chest: "Shut up, I forgot okay!"

Why would it not just Say "Classic view"?

Interesting project lined up for today!

I'll be installing a security system, one camera connected to a DVR pointing at a front door triggering a buzzer and sending a video feed to a monitor in a ground floor room at the other side of the house.

But it's my dads house so I'm going to have fun with it and install a wired Cat5 network an Isolated offline router and build in some "smart home" features from scratch, all running on a Local Area Network.

I've built a private home server package for media and storage using Apache and I want to add as many features to the house as I can, maybe even install an extra camera pointing towards the sky (every home should have a sky cam lol).

I can take my time with this project over the next several weeks and I was wondering what would you add to this project?

One time while enjoying the Halloween festivities I was kidnapped.

What happened was this, in my brilliant genuine way of thinking, put on a Stormtrooper costume and stood outside the front door like a model statuesque persona to frighten the living daylights out of the trick or treat gremlins, Doing such an amazing job as usual, pretending in my head that I was invisible for about an hour scaring the life out of everyone when for brief moments to break character.

Along came a car, it backed up to the ground I fought hard to gain that night, as a problem solving professional I remained silent and still as two assailants proceeded to place me into the back seat of their car.

Now ladies look away. When they were discussing what I was worth they actually didn't expect me to sit up in the back seat and say "donde esta la biblioteca". I was wearing a Deadpool outfit under my Stormtrooper uniform the whole time and I got to beat up some bad guys, so this is a really nice fuzzy carebare story with a happy ending.

I've just received news that Microsoft are to release a brand new search engine in China.

It will be called "Bing Bong".

Intelligent Algorithms do not understand role playing, acting or humor.

Combined with permanent unique identifiers issued by social media companies for so-called "security" and moderation reasons, will systematically cause a wide range of serious consequences.

You can not reason with an algorithm.

What are your favourite made up quotes?

"There are no wolves inside of me, I would take my time to slowly murder them." ~Liam Neeson

Actually it's pronounced "jaslight" you've been saying it wrong this whole time!

Windows onscreen keyboard (ONS) is always in the way, every time you right click to bring up a sub menu (to copy 'n paste) The menu goes straight under the ONS about 90% of the time.

This should have been sorted out decades ago!

Drawing up plans to invade Belgium!!

What's the deal with this carry on?

At face value this looks like intimidation, underneath, it may just be a local joker I don't know about.

Regardless, let me explain something, I don't know any and I don't know anyone who likes them. I have no problem whatsoever saying this to anyone, face to face!

My dad and my late brother are named after my grandads brother who saved my grandfathers life and died fighting fascists in the north Atlantic while keeping it open for the war effort during WWII.

I'll let this fly because I don't know enough being new here and all, but I had to clear the air. Okay??

Not Another Gaming Rant!

In gaming, the keyboard and mouse is far superior to a console controller.

So much so it's almost like cheating, gamers are beginning to notice this on the X-Box where traditionally all players in a game would only use a controller.

Now that console players are up against mouse and keyboard players they are out matched and out maneuvered, a great example of this can be seen in live multiplayer Call of Duty games such as Infinite Warfare where the keyboard warrior will spend more time in the air effortlessly jumping from wall to wall gaining an advantage over their opponent.

Multiplayer games should always be evenly matched providing players the ability to compare their level of skill in a competition on a level playing field.

>Difficulty: Tell Me a Story
>Aim Assist: On
>Weapon Sway: Off
>Invisibility While Pron: On
>Slow Motion While Aiming: On
>Autosave Before Every Encounter: On
>Enemy Perception: Low
>Enemy Accuracy: Low
>Boss Fight Skip Option: On
>Discord open for emotional support

Time to game.

Did you know that "Bazmd" is an Indian name? I use it because it's an abbreviation of my real name. (Yep! Dr Baz).

It's just a coincidence, I used to wonder why algorithms would infer that I was Indian.

The algorithm: "Here I am with a brain the size of a planet and they ask me to pick up a piece of paper. Call that job satisfaction? I don't.".

Some caffeine fueled morning passion...

Social media platforms getting away with suspensions and all other manner of 'social punishment' has to be the highest level authoritarianism has ever reached in its entire history. Social Media platforms, have it seems, become a side gig for tyrants and the excuses don't cut it with people anymore.
It's hard to believe that "we the people" allow companies to govern over entire populations of people, much larger than some of the most democratic and free countries on the planet with an iron fist.

The enforcement of community standards for breaking arbitrary rules that wouldn't make it to a solicitors desk is extraordinary in the extreme. If it's not a credible threat or illegal, then it's obvious an intention behind the punishment is conditioning.

And this is what authoritarian regimes have done throughout history.

Several years ago I spent over two months working out how to integrate Text To Speech and Speech To Text (TTS/STT) into any windows program I wrote in Delphi, originally for a powerful flat-file search engine. Does anyone know if TTS/STT is useful on windows 10+ or have any use?

I was thinking about redeveloping the search engine into a stand alone program which can be used as a fast and light query tool with trigger functions, it can be made into a "reply bot" or used with a server like Apache, but without the old IBM mainframe mentality being readopted as "AI" and "social media" everywhere today. low-level Independent and secure droid like systems sound more fun to develop.

From experience, nobody believes in a haunted house, until it tries to kill them!

This is the dire future of computing I suppose!

I have a windows 10 laptop, the operating systems "windows" folder is 31GB in size and the "program files" folder is 1GB in size.
Total used space is 80Gb.

I mostly use it for e-mails and browsing. Doesn't this seem unnecessarily bloated for an operating system?

I met a tourist today and I asked her what she thought of our town, she said "there's lot's of psychopaths" I asked how could she tell? She said "there are signs you know". We talked for a few minutes then she cycled off.

Am I having an existential midlife crisis or is the post Computer Age just awful?

I know this for a fact, when we touched and we sang about the lovely things. You said...

Discombobulated Tooth fairy.