relatable af

Too early for node_modules joke?

When you are from Bulgaria and work in the Netherlands. Something your colleagues should know xD

A colleague showed me this.

One of my friends purchased a bootable USB of ubuntu for around 40 USD.

I trust machines more than humans.

Except when I'm hitting that Ctrl+S. Gotta hit it at least like 4 times before I can start believing :-P

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Assembler Chicken: First, it builds the road ......

C Chicken: It crosses the road without looking both ways.

C++ Chicken: The chicken wouldn't have to cross the road, you' d simply refer to him on the other side.

COBOL Chicken: 0001-CHICKEN-CROSSING.
IF NO-MORE-VEHICLES
THEN PERFORM 0010-CROSS-THE-ROAD
VARYING STEPS FROM 1 BY 1 UNTIL
ON-THE-OTHER-SIDE
ELSE
GO TO 0001-CHICKEN-CROSSING

Cray Chicken: Crosses faster than any other chicken, but if you don't dip it in liquid nitrogen first, it arrives on the other side frazzled.

Delphi Chicken: The chicken is dragged across the road and dropped on the other side.

Gopher Chicken: Tried to run but got beaten by the Web chicken.

Intel Pentium Chicken: The chicken crossed 4.9999978 times.

Iomega Chicken: The chicken should have ' backed up' before crossing.

Java Chicken: If your road needs to be crossed by a chicken, then the server will download one to the other side. (Of course, those are chicklets.) See also WMI Monitor.

Linux Chicken: Don't you *dare* try to cross the road the same way we do!

Mac Chicken: No reasonable chicken owner would want a chicken to cross the road, so there's no way to tell it how to cross the road.

Newton Chicken: Can't cluck, can't fly, and can't lay eggs, but you can carry it across the road in your pocket.

OOP Chicken: It doesn't need to cross the road, it just sends a message.

OS/2 Chicken: It crossed the road in style years ago, but it was so quiet that nobody noticed.

Microsoft's Chicken: It's already on both sides of the road. What's more its just bought the road.

Windows 95 Chicken: You see different coloured feathers while it crosses, but when you cook it still tastes like........ chicken.

Quantum Logic Chicken: The chicken is distributed probabilistically on all sides of the road until you observe it on the side of your choice.

VB Chicken: USHighways! <TheRoad.cross> (aChicken)

XP Chicken Jumps out onto the road, turns right, and just keeps on running.

The Longhorn Chicken had an identity crisis and is now calling itself Vista.

The Vista Chicken dazzled itself with its own graphics.

Not buying bitcoin in 2008

When you read others source code...

Aww... I think I just had an orgasm

Types of headache 😂

"Can you make the UI look uglier and more ... Traditional?"

Removed CSS completely and gave them an HTML only page. They loved it.

Teachers who evaluate your mini project on the number of lines of code written........🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕

Defragmentation

[via https://twitter.com/jeremiahtolbert...]

Boss walked towards his office asking a coworker to do something.
Coworker replied that he'd like to but only the boss has the login codes or something like that.

Boss: ah right *walks to coworkers table* let me enter that stuff *starts typing*
Coworker: Maybe I'm running a keylogger 😏
Me: *exchanging funny eye contact with coworker* yeah maybe he is.... 😏
Boss: *looking back and forth at both our faces suspiciously*
Coworker: 😏😏😏
Me: 😏😏😏
Coworker: 😏😉
Me: 😏😆
Boss: 😐

*three of us laughing*

😆

Even at the gym, there is no escape.

Marketing done right

Dear God, give me patience.

GIVE ME PATIENCE NOW!!!!!!!

Always include special characters

In a meeting after I explained that the user passwords will be encrypted before we save them in the database

Them: "Please don't do that, we don't want to change our clients data"

Me: " so we should save the clear text?"

Them: "Yes"

😒

Why does my brain just struggle so much with Rust.

So much of the design fundamentals I've learnt over the last 10 years from doing OO in memory managed languages don't carry over very well into Rust, and my brain is sucking at coming up with alternatives, or finds the alternatives I do make ugly.

Frustration is real.

Just want to recommend the DevRant stress ball. I wasn't quite sure how to use it (it doesn't come with instructions) but since stuffing mine down the PM's throat my stress level has reduced dramatically.

Client: We want a mobile shooting game with multiplayer, In-app purchases, leaderboard and stuff and you should also help us in publishing it.

Me: Cool what’s you budget?

Client: max $100.

I never replied again.

April fools day prank idea:

1. Replace all semicolons with Greek question marks
2. Add a Gradle task that automatically fixes the semicolons, but only when run on the build servers
3. Watch as people get confused because the code builds in the server but not locally

After the face reveal and the hand reveal... Let's do something spicier! 😉

Guys, post a pic of your "private member"...
Gals, post a pic of your "closure"... If you know what I mean 😏

Mine's in the comments

Basically AI.

SO: " What is the best comment in source code you have ever encountered?"
Best One :

LMAO 😂😂😂

Working at best buy (don't remember if I was geek squad yet or not).
"hi sir, that line hasn't moved in a while, I was headed up to help, but let me ring you up here so you can get on with your day."
"thanks!"
...random talking leads to graduation and what's next...
"my friend works at *company* and seems to really like it. I gave him my resume when he asked, but i guess is boss can't hire anymore people or something, so I'm applying other places. It's been about a year."
"oh. Hi. I'm boss. Send resume again"

Words to live by as a developer:

“A lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine”

But somehow people(you guys knows who they are) doesn’t seem to get that!