Contenders for arseholes this week

- Elasticsearch as their implemented product identification and integration in client libraries like Python to exclude OpenSearch made a lot of things very painful. Yay....

- Microsoft decided to integrate kill switches in Exchange. Yeah.... Great stuff.

- Atlassian has another week of dumbness - after they botch release after release, they killed Slack with DNS

- Adoptium still hasn't managed to provide repositories after fucking up it's transition from AdoptOpenJDK

- No, a project with JDK 8 makes no sense anymore, take that shit and burn it. JDK 11 the same, would be great if we had a Repository working for JDK 17 Adoptium....

- unwanking a TLS setup by integrating an intermediary load balancer to deal with several outdated TLS implementation is a kind of thing that's really scary...
(TLS 1.3 in, TLS 1.1 - TLS 1.3 out... Theoretically all solutions have TLS 1.2… most of them non working. Solutions is a wild bunch from different vendors)

- If you buy a fucking new Apple with an Arm Chipset, ram it up so far up your arse it gets dissolved in stomach acid.
It's an arm. There's tons of compatibility problems of course. No you shouldn't listen to what the marketing says. No I cannot shit rainbows and make it work.

- German election. No politics I know, but still.

- New neighbors decided to move in. Friendly person's. Except I wanted to murder them since they choose 22 o clock for moving time.

- I forgot putting the heater on. Ever woken up frozen like fuck and having a hard week... It's a good combo to break any form of motivation.

The company next to me is renovating. Waking up to the feeling of an earth quake because they demolish their old building is another thing that makes me unhappy.

It's Friday. I survived.

Hacktoberfest time, and I usually try to contribute by creating some trivial issues and labelling them as such - ones that I could fix in 2 seconds, just to help those starting out get a pull request and get used to how the process works. Like, we're talking *really* trivial - remove superfluous import statements, that sort of thing. In most of these I list exactly what needs to be changed.

This guy picks, what's probably the *easiest* of these tasks going, and then comes back saying he's got some questions. Dude, seriously?! It's right there in the damn issue description.

Whatever, I decide to be nice and I say he's welcome to ask. Brace myself for answering some stupid crap, but fine, we were all new once.

THE GUY COMES BACK AND SAYS HE NEEDS A CALL. A call, seriously? What is this crap? I do you a favour by letting you create a trivial PR, and you want me to literally burn my time & jump on a call to take you through step by step what to do?! Pff, and people wonder why I'm grumpy most of the time.

Ridiculous :D

to cheat or not to cheat...

I genuinely love to write code. Sometimes on the weekend I write some code for work because I don’t have a hobby project. I should probably get a hobby project.

If a teamviewer sessions counts as "screenshare", I've got a good one.

The company I'm working for also got an internal video player in the webfrontend of it's product. A customer called in, because the player "stays black", instead of playing his videos. It's a player for a media library of the customer, so it can be any content. A collegue did some trouble shooting, but since the customer was not very experienced in IT they arranged a teamviewer session. At the appointed time, my collegue called the customer and asked him to reproduce the issue, while watching via teamviewer.

When opening the media player, it stayed black indeed, so my collegue asked the customer to try another video. From my desk I heard my collegue say "Oh god, no" (phone muted) pretty loudy and he asked us to come to his place quickly. The customer decided, it would be a good idea to try the video player with gay porn. So we stood there around my collegues desk, watching a hairy man, getting his asshole licked by another an even hairier man for a few secs.

The customer stopped the playback, said "ok, maybe the other file was just broken.", thanked my collegue and the call was over.

We had a few similar cases.

Electronics store clerk: "Can I help you?"

Me: "Good afternoon sir. I'm a developer and lifelong PC gamer. I received a second hand PS4, and might buy a next gen console at the end of the year. People tell me that in front of this soft wide desk chair people call a "couch", you need some sort of large computer monitor to enjoy console gaming"

Clerk: "Yeah, we sell TVs. What TV do you have now?"

Me: "I don't own a TV. I just want a huge 4K computer display with a good response time, excellent refresh rate, and great contrast"

Clerk: "OK so this is an entry level 55" smart TV. It's 120hz, QLED, has full array local dimming. It's great for gaming. It's €1000. We also have this LG OLED smart TV for €1200, which is a step up in terms of contrast and response time..."

Me: "Wait... Smart TV? No, I don't want a TV with an operating system. I want a computer display."

Clerk: "There aren't a lot of big computer displays. We have this ASUS ROG 55" computer monitor. It's also 120hz. Very similar response time, but the brightness and contrast aren't as great, it's edge-lit"

Me, trying really hard to make out the contrast differences under ugly fluorescent lights of the store: "So it's a worse big couch display, without smart OS. How much is it?"

Clerk: "€3500"

Me: "So what you're saying is that while the displays are similar or even better, the operating system on all these TVs is so incredibly bad, you have to give €2500 discount for people to even buy it?"

Oh my, our frontend (FE) dev is amazing! He never ceases surprising me :D
[FTR: I'm building backend (BE).]

Here's a message at Trello I found today:

-----------
Hey @netikras
responseBody e --> Whoops! Lost connection to http://test.application.com/chat/...**************
Do you return this error to FE as a string when FE loses connection to BE?
-----------

I mean.. come on buddy :D Use that gray mass of yours

When you are able to switch jobs easily and clear interviews in good companies without sweating much.

I'm learning golang currently. I 'designed' a mug to keep myself motivated. Turned out pretty good.

When my software or hardware makes people smile.

When you've got a job you're happy with.

That's it in my book. Studied it and persuaded someone to hire you to do it? Enjoy that job, and it pays the way? Good work. Of course you'll likely go further than that in time, which is great - but there's no great magical point to "strive to" so to speak.

The new app passed apple review on the first go... wait... what?!?!

I like that with IPv6 addresses you can get creative 😆

When you talk to other devs about what their code did. I also relate myself to this.

Fixing a parents iPhone, episode 1.

Problem: "Whatsapp is gone off my phone"

Debugging:

Me: *unlocks phone and sees whatsapp*, it's right here.

Mam: no, I no that I can't see my messages.

Me: ok, that is definitely not what "whatsapp is gone off my phone means".

*opens whatsapp*
*inside add contact screen*

App seems ok, your trying to add a contact?

Mam: that's a problem, whenever I open it I only see that page.

Me: *taps cancel button with shocked face*

Mam: omg there's my messages, how did you do that?

Me: ... ... ... I tapped the very easy to see, large cancel button in the top right hand corner.

Mam: but why was it opened there?

Me: *looks at opened message from unknown number*

If I was to hazard a guess, now stay with me on this one as it's a bit complex. I think ... I THINK ... you clicked the "add to contacts" button on the screen in front of you.

I am suspicious of one thing though.

Mam: what's that?

Me: how you managed to click the add contacts button, and when brought to the add contacts screen, you assume the app is broken.

Mam: oh will you **** off you sarcastic little ****. Thank you very much.

Me: no prob, 4 year computer science course put to great use.

Ever typed something, checked again, posted it and days later realized there is a typo despite your second check and autocomplete? 😒😒😒

So how's quarantine?

When there are only 2 pages on Google you know you're in serious shit.

🤦‍♀️ Memes.

I earned the title of bachelor of science today 🎉🎉 that is all 🤭 hope you've all had/are having as great a day as I had.

People who start their reply to other people's comments with "Wrong." should be shot, or at least receive several hard punches in the stomach, even if their refutation is 100% on point.

It's such an autistic knee-jerk reaction to hit the error buzzer whenever you see false information.

Correcting someone is fine, amazing even, but it's not some game show where you get points for jelling the correct answer as fast as possible.

I wish there was a cryptocurrency which was mined by spreading correct information politely.

My company is a joke so I wrote my resignation in comic sans. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Editor? VSCode.
IDE? IntelliJ.
Hotel? Trivago.

Favourite code editor?
Hands down, it’s actually Vim.

It’s mostly because I haven’t been able to exit it though. Actually it’s the only reason. I’m stuck. Someone please send help.

One ex-co-worker disappeared for one month. No e-mails, no phone calls, nothing.

Next month came back like nothing, when the boss ask him "Where the hell did you go?" He replied "I was sick"

of what? The flu...

He of course got fired, absolute zero medical proof.

Nose picking manager.
I mean this fucker picks his nose even when he’s talking face to face,
And am not talking about just cleaning it,am talking about putting the finger in all the way and probably trying to dial a number...

*1 week into dream job*

Me: I need to communicate this variable to a script running in another thread, how do you normally handle that?

My Lead: oh, just add it as a global variable

Me: oh no...

CEO hired graphics designer without HR help after first meeting and that person first day of his work borrowed money from people and that’s not end of story.

Same guy came back at night and robbed the workplace with his friends, didn’t came back to work. Company bought couple of big iMac for new graphics department back then, all gone.

When company reported incident to Police it turned out he travel and steal from companies all over the country and they’re trying to catch him for a year.

If Gordon Ramsay made code reviews, I would watch that show. Especially the insults he would use for handling clients.

"This code has so much spaghetti, it decided to open it's own restaurant"