In an effort to deal with the number of “top priority” tickets, management has come up with a new priority level, “urgent”, to help differentiate between tickets that are “top priority” and tickets that are actually “top priority”.

So as you can guess all tickets are now codified as “urgent”.

I’ve suggested management downgrade some tickets back to merely “top priority” as we’re clearly right back where we started with it being difficult to determine which order to do tickets in.

They’ve ignored my request as the bletherings of a clearly unenlightened peon, and have instead came up with a new priority, “mission critical” which will be reserved for the most hallowed of emerg— oh no wait everything is now “mission critical” who would have guessed?

So “Top priority” is the now lowest priority a ticket can have…Naturally.

my neighbors should upgrade their wifi.

it too slow.

here's a shoutout to 90% of websites today:

NO, I DO NOT WANT YOUR F*CKING NEWSLETTER! STOP ASKING!

NO, I DO NOT WANT YOUR F*CKING NOTIFICATION! STOP ASKING!

NO, I DO NOT WANT TO SHARE MY F*CKING LOCATION! STOP ASKING!

NO, I DO NOT WANT ANY F*CKING COOKIES! STOP ASKING!

website publishers ary whining about adblockers, but keep shoving so much shit down our throats that even a dozen browser addons can't make the web usable. the internet was such a great place once, where did we go wrong?

(rhetorical question. it's when we made access to the internet so easy, that every 100% tech-illiterate idiot could get online.)

*Romantic candlelit dinner*

GF: "What are you thinking about, my love?"

Me: "The chocolate custard always seems to behave differently under stress than vanilla. It has a lower base viscosity, but a similar shear thickening. I was wondering whether anyone has ever made a database of all custard brands and flavors together with their viscosities"

My brain: *Oh fuck, that's not what I'm supposed to say during a romantic dinner*

GF: "Do you wanna check whether we can find a cheap second hand viscometer.... wait.... no.... you'd need a rheometer for that, right? Do you think we could build one ourselves?"

Me: *blinks in awe*

Even after 15 years, I'm still just puzzled, she really fucking is my soulmate

I login this morning

Everyone going crazy as prod is broken in a million ways. 2.5 million exceptions In 24 hours.

We talk for 1 hour and solve nothing.

I diagnose the 2 biggest sources of exceptions and explain every step I took with screen snippets to reach my conclusions

The one other competent person on my team agrees. Otherwise complete silence.

I'm told not to fix the issue because I am leaving in 6 weeks and other people have to start taking responsibility.

No one fixes the issues. Instead they leave early. Now it's the weekend and the product is fucked.

Fucking useless people. Can't wait to leave.

1. Have some issue with my code which spits out cryptic compiler error.

2. Ask on stack overflow, Reddit, etc for a solution.

3. Get scolded at for "not reading the documentation" and "asking questions which could be answered by just Googling". Still no clue what I'm doing wrong, or what the solution would be.

4. Find someone else's vaguely related problem.

5. Post my problematic code as the answer, with arrogant comment about OP being a retard for not figuring that out for themselves.

6. A dozen angry toxic nerds flock in to tell me how retarded and wrong I am, correcting me... solving my original problem.

7. Evil plan succeeded, my code compiles, and as a bonus I made the internet a worse place in the process.

I think if you tell a bunch of autistic neckbeards that "all coronaviruses are fundamentally incurable", you'd have a vaccine within a week.

!dev

Bought a house. 😊

I was on a 1:1 with my boss talking about my performance, recent tickets, HR stuff, anything I need, plans for the next quarter, etc.

My 4yo ran up, pointed to my boss on the screen, and asked "who is mommy on a call with?" I told him it was my boss, T, and that he needed to be quiet. "I want talk to T!" He demanded. "Hi T!" He wouldn't take no for an answer. We were pressed for time, so. As cute as it was, it wasn't very welcome.

It took like five minutes to finally make him leave. Now whenever I'm on a call, he runs up and yells "Hi T!!!!" at the screen. 😅 even when its standup or the engineering meeting with like 50 people.... thankfully there is a mute button! His face still pops up on camera, but most people understand and just laugh.

He's cute but he can be soo embarrassing!

Holy shit the commit names on cimg library are insane

Woa!!😂😂😂

#null 😂😂😂

Annual performance peer review

Person who did review me wrote in the section “skills needed to improve”:

“He is introverted...”

Bloody hell!! What a big problem :) and how in earth you can “fix” it? And why everyone expected to be extraverted??

Similarities between this spider and me:
- We both are web developers
- We both live in same room
- We both try to find bugs everyday

People on SO are plain stupid

Rest In Peace My Dad. now he is going to follow my uncle. the best two person and developers in my world. as a lone survivor, your memory will continue to be remembered propagate through my life.

for fellow devRanters, Always love your family more when they're still in your side. doesn't matter how harsh, how bad they are; you can always find the meaning, the values life will give you, and that will be the best presents your parent will give you. Always. stay creative, they will be proud.

the short story of my dad : https://devrant.com/rants/1630147/...

yayyy got full-time job offer at Akamai as full stack developer!!!
Wish me luck guys!😇

Finally 😍😍

My Wife.

The illusive software engineer

Pick your programming language Waifu devRant.

Ok, so I have a SAAS website where users pay a daily fee to use my platform as there fundraiser landing page.

A new client comes, asks for a discount, and got a 50% off because his brother was a previous client.

Him: Can you please add a list of the days of the year so a donor can donate a day?

Me: Sure, sounds like a good idea, and will probably take me about a week to implement with testing etc. And so I want $$ (hourly rate * one week) for the work.

Him: Don't bluff me I understand a bit in programming, it shouldn't take you more than an hour, and I am paying you, so you should do it for free.

Me: Ok, here is a fair deal, since you understand in programming, build it for me, I give you two weeks and I will pay you double what I am asking for.

Him: I don't understand enough to do it myself, I just estimated how much work it is.

Me: Forget about it, if you want me to build you this feature, you pay. If not you can go to my competition happily.

Who needs bad clients at all?
Why do they think they know everything?
And why don't they understand that time is money?

To new beginnings

Today is my birthday (25) 🎂.
Also I'm in the hospital because I had a seizure due to my body not capting phosphorus, it was so violent that I apparently damaged 3 vertebrae, sorry I didn't mean to write a sob story but am in dire need of support and I wanted to thank the community for being there.