LoL relatable

Response time of different people on Whatsapp:

Best Friend: 5-10 sec
Friend: 1-2 min
Best Friend(Girl): 3-5 min
Girl Friend: 1-2 day 😢
Client(when me solving bug): 0.00005 sec

Client(when me asking payment): *Blocked*

😕😕😕😕😕

I mean, they're not wrong...

Ok, bye....

😂😂😂This made me laugh

Sorry if this is a repost

*Male devs dying of heat, air quality almost requires a rebreather*

*opens window*

2 seconds later
Female dev: "I am cold"

😑🔫

[some cunt decided the gun emoji had to be removed. with all my heart, fuck you and your family]

Apple just launched a $5999 cheese grater

Somewhat related to programming....

Not my mom, but my girlfriends grandmother. I told her that I am a software developer, a guy who makes the programs which run on computers.

She became really excited about that, because finally she found someone to repair her 40-year-old radio. I told her that I have no fucking idea about radios, but she did not want to hear that. So I looked at the case, randomly pushed some buttons and again told her, that I could not find the broken part, let alone repair it. But she didn't listen and told me to open the case and look inside.

Sighingly I opened the radio, looked at the inner parts and told her once more, that I don't know anything about this stuff. She told me to look more closely. About to lose my mind about this pointless task, I finally told her, that "the transistor" is the problem and that the best thing she could do is to throw it away and buy a new radio. She was happy with that answer.

It's funny how all the pretty girls on LinkedIn want to have a cup of coffee with me after I updated my profile to match my current position. Previously not even bots on Tinder would chat to me.

Someone just told me that I have a 'strong LinkedIn network'

Little do they know that I just accept every friend request I get

My first ever salary made with coding came yesterday! 🎁

*This morning*
HR Lady: we saw your profile and we think it fits what we're looking for, I just need to know what you use for front-end programming

Me: I use ReactJs, AngularJs and for backend NodeJs

HR Lady: Hmm, so you don't use Javascript

Me: ... (unhandled exception in my head)

Me: M'am everything I mentioned is using Javascript

HR Lady: oh! ok.

Pro tip: If you are a junior, or senior but new at the company, don't start your conversations with:

"We're doing X wrong. At my previous company we did / at school I learned /in this book I read / according to this talk I watched, the right way to do X is ..."

Instead try:

"I'm curious why were doing X this way. I'm used to doing it differently."

I love flat-hierarchy teams, and people who think about flaws in procedures and proactively try to improve the tools we use are awesome, but the next kid walking up to me yelling we use git flow "wrong" will be smacked in the face with a keyboard.

If you come to me with curiosity and an open mind, I'll explain, and even return the favor by behaving the same way when I'm baffled by your seemingly retarded implementations.

Maybe we can learn from each other, maybe discover that "how I learned it" is sometimes good, sometimes bad.

But let's start with some social skills, not kicking off into every debate with a stretched leg and a red face.

What the hell am I searching on Google?

now we know

God I'm immature.

No matter what day it is, this shit keeps happening

Just my shaved pussy in the middle of the work weekend.
(At this point I really hope I'm attaching the right image)

Headquarters...

Not sure if I visited an ads website or a blog .-.

Ran into a girl who I had a crush on in high school at a bar last week. Hanged out for a bit, but then I had to run catch the last train home.

Today I get a message from her that reads: "Hey, it was nice to meet you last week. Can I call you some time, there's something I want to tell you. 😉"

I think to myself -- sweet and say that I have no meetings today, call me whenever you can.

A couple of minutes later she calls me, and the first thing she says: "I have this app idea..."

fuck, shouldn't have hyped myself up.

Good advice, I guess?

It's a merge conflict

should I go or stop? 🤔

who is a good speaker ? ...

Fiction vs Reality

With that many github commits, how is the sign not working?

What if...

Do not close lid!