I imagine two dev colleagues sitting next to each other, on their phone, each feeling very secure in the anonymity of devrant.

It's 2018, web developers, let get our tools on..

Just came to know I too have powers.

One of my friends purchased a bootable USB of ubuntu for around 40 USD.

Another dev on my team just got a new machine. Before he came in today I made two separate USB installers and left him these notes.

Lets all help them share their startup

Me to IT team: I need a more powerful machine to run my optimization code on.

IT: Okay take this - 64 gigs + i7HQ

Me after an hour:

Types of headache 😂

Don't know if it's up here, found it on r/ProgrammerHumor and thought it deserved to be shared :)

┓┏┓┏┓┃
┛┗┛┗┛┃＼○／
┓┏┓┏┓┃ / Friday
┛┗┛┗┛┃ノ)
┓┏┓┏┓┃ Deploys
┛┗┛┗┛┃
┓┏┓┏┓┃
┛┗┛┗┛┃
┓┏┓┏┓┃
┃┃┃┃┃┃
┻┻┻┻┻┻

Just got this slack from our server admin.

Hey guys, do you like my terminal font ? 😍

*Me and my GF who works for CIA*

Me: Send nudes
GF: Whose do you want ?

A programmer is walking along a beach and finds a lamp. He rubs the lamp, and a genie appears. “I am the most powerful genie in the world. I can grant you any wish, but only one wish.”

The programmer pulls out a map, points to it and says, “I’d want peace in the Middle East.”

The genie responds, “Gee, I don’t know. Those people have been fighting for millenia. I can do just about anything, but this is likely beyond my limits.”

The programmer then says, “Well, I am a programmer, and my programs have lots of users. Please make all my users satisfied with my software and let them ask for sensible changes.”

At which point the genie responds, “Um, let me see that map again.”

StackOverflow is a funny place (http://stackoverflow.com/a/2276604/...)

"Please disable AdBlock to view the content."

No. I'll just leave. Bye.

Talking about layouts.....New ConstraintLayout.....oh wait.....

A group of wolves is called a pack.

A group of crows is called a murder.

A group of developers is called a merge conflict.

First laugh then comment 😂😂😂

For some, Jan 01 1970 was just the first day of a new year. For others, it marked the beginning of time.

age++ this is how I get a happy birthday wish

Seen this just now... laughing so hard 😂😂😂

If bigger duck means fewer bugs, I definitely need this:

My girlfriend got bitten by a mosquito and kept scratching it.
After I complained about the size of the bite, she said "c'mon it's just a bit, not big enough to be a byte".
When I finished facepalming (it took a while), I realized how proud I am of her.

When you're demoing you own program to people and you run into a bug you've never had before

One day my mum got a call from a man claiming to be from Microsoft. He said there is something wrong with the computer and tried to make her install TeamViewer to "fix" it, but my mum didn't manage to install it for several hours until he gave up.
Sometimes knowing even less can save your PC.

My mother just referred to my external hdd bay as a computer toaster...

So, Bing has an in-search code runner.
//Just leaving this here
//GoogleDoesnt
//YesGoogleIsBetter 70%OfTheTimes
//IHatePython

After hitting 175 upvotes only to find out the stress ball threshold got bumped to 200, I gave in and bought it.

I feel like I've made an in game purchase.

Browsers -.-'