*🤣*
This is certainly funny

Apple needs new PLAN!!!! lmao 🤣

We've come so far, yet we have not progressed at all - can you hear me? is this working? "JENNA GET THE OTHER MIC THIS ONE DOESN'T WORK"

Merry Christmas 🎄

Jack please stay away

The hardest part of being a programmer wasn't the education, the self-teaching, the sleepless nights or the hours of agony trying to fix a bug that would break a program I'd spend weeks working on.

It's the realization that my family, friends, coworkers...nobody understands at all what I do. They don't know of my failures or my triumphs. I can't talk about it with them and it's becoming more apparent to them that it's taking up more of my life. And in a way it feels like a part of myself has just become, well, alien.

Best way I can describe it is, it's like the "Tears in the Rain" scene from Blade Runner.

I'm stuck, I think. I know I've been shutting out people from my life more and more as I don't want to "deal" with people's issues, but I don't think it's been good. I'm can verify that I'm depressed beyond my normal levels.

It's time for me to make an appointment with a therapist.

Remember that you are loved here, and appreciated. Don't let anyone tell you different.

Stay strong.

The perfect way to learn a new language.
Make your own documentation.

When you spend too much time in your car

😂😂😂

Well, you know the feeling when the whole day you solve difficult problems and than get stuck on something that looked simple? Well i go and drive around aimlessly, and when i get back almost EVERYTIME works at first try... (or at least different error message) :)

Every coding project fits into the time allocated.

today at programming class...

professor: today we will be teaching you about vim and using the terminal and ssh. those who are smart enough to know these may leave the class, but be sure to sign the attendance sheet.

me: *starts packing and stands up and walks up to the front to sign*
me: *turns around*

EVERYBODY WAS LOOKING AT ME. i was the one only who stood up and the professor was also looking at me like "wtf this doesnt happen everyday". and so i walked out of there and im so proud of myself lmfao

Not entirely true, but still funny :)

My girlfriend doesn't talk to me anymore after I said I helped the new girl to do some penetration testing.

Turns out you can shop and improve your development skills

Hired a new backend Dev. He writes a script and sends it for testing...
Tester: "It's not working..."
Backend Dev: Goes to Mongo and deletes the tester's whole profile...

I cant control my laughter every time I remember this incident...He claimed it was a mistake, I don't think that it was a mistake...the tester had it coming...
"It's not working" that's all he says every time...I mean at least give me something to start with...!

Love it when people build useful stuff

http://commitlogsfromlastnight.com/

Programming music:

scarlxrd - HeartAttack
https://soundcloud.com/scarlxrd/...

scarlxrd - BANE
https://soundcloud.com/scarlxrd/...

xxxtentacion - look at me! https://soundcloud.com/rojasonthebe...

xxxtentacion - #IMSippinTeaInYoHood
https://soundcloud.com/veronica-mar...

These 4 songs suffice me.
Sub-genre is TRAPMETAL

Being honest in an interview:

- Can you work under pressure?
- I can, but I'd rather not.

HTTP response code cheat sheet
(From /r/Programmer humor)

When fixing things:
Linux = be root
Windows = reboot

I was explaining git and Github to one of my friends during our boring maths class when he asked : "What is the difference between git and Github?". Just then another friend of mine sitting in front turns out and said : "It's like the difference between porn and Pornhub".

"Whenever I see a door that says push I pull first to prevent conflicts"

"my app is so awesome you don't even have to close it, it crashes itself automatically. "

FML Everytime. :/

*Now that's what I call a Hacker*

MOTHER OF ALL AUTOMATIONS

This seems a long post. but you will definitely +1 the post after reading this.

xxx: OK, so, our build engineer has left for another company. The dude was literally living inside the terminal. You know, that type of a guy who loves Vim, creates diagrams in Dot and writes wiki-posts in Markdown... If something - anything - requires more than 90 seconds of his time, he writes a script to automate that.

xxx: So we're sitting here, looking through his, uhm, "legacy"

xxx: You're gonna love this

xxx: smack-my-bitch-up.sh - sends a text message "late at work" to his wife (apparently). Automatically picks reasons from an array of strings, randomly. Runs inside a cron-job. The job fires if there are active SSH-sessions on the server after 9pm with his login.

xxx: kumar-asshole.sh - scans the inbox for emails from "Kumar" (a DBA at our clients). Looks for keywords like "help", "trouble", "sorry" etc. If keywords are found - the script SSHes into the clients server and rolls back the staging database to the latest backup. Then sends a reply "no worries mate, be careful next time".

xxx: hangover.sh - another cron-job that is set to specific dates. Sends automated emails like "not feeling well/gonna work from home" etc. Adds a random "reason" from another predefined array of strings. Fires if there are no interactive sessions on the server at 8:45am.

xxx: (and the oscar goes to) fuckingcoffee.sh - this one waits exactly 17 seconds (!), then opens an SSH session to our coffee-machine (we had no frikin idea the coffee machine is on the network, runs linux and has SSHD up and running) and sends some weird gibberish to it. Looks binary. Turns out this thing starts brewing a mid-sized half-caf latte and waits another 24 (!) seconds before pouring it into a cup. The timing is exactly how long it takes to walk to the machine from the dudes desk.

xxx: holy sh*t I'm keeping those

Credit: http://bit.ly/1jcTuTT

The bash scripts weren't bogus, you can find his scripts on the this github URL:
https://github.com/narkoz/...

I need to explain to a client how pc work. I use this image. Now every time my client explain what a pc is start talking with "it worked like a WC"... What I have done?

My first poem for programmer girl 😘😘😘

My life is incomplete without you,
You are semicolon of my life

You are my increment operator,
you make my value increases

I am username and you are my password,
without you No one can access me

You are my initializer,
without you my life would point to nothing (NULL or “0”)

If I were a function you must be my parameter,
Because I will always need you

Can you be my private variable?
I want to be only one who can access you

You are my compiler,
My life wouldn’t start without you

You are my loop condition ,
I keep coming back to you

My love to you is like recursive function,
It will never ends & Will never enter into infinite loop

Forever and Ever

Job offers be like:
We need a VIRGIN with atleast 2 years EXPERIENCE of SEX...

Flirting! Life as a programmer has me irrationally attracted to nerds. A recent flirty exchange included something like this - "I'll build your environment, baby. I will build it with the finest, artisanally-crafted shell scripts so it can built and rebuilt over and over again.."

My friends think it's weird that all my crushes are neither good looking nor social. I don't think they'd ever understand.