Why does programming with JavaScript feel like infecting yourself with and the machine with AIDS? Use a script from some random cdn here, download 46578 npm packages with triple the critical vulnerabilities there.
It feels so disgusting

I’ve worked here 3 years and still have no idea what anyone is talking about when any other team does their sprint demo on the same product I work on.

After 10 years of pain. The sweet delight I got from deleting Jira. Better than squashing any bug.

Like "Why is Facebook webpage running so slow" (I think cuz of all the tracking stuff, and they are having trouble on my Linux machine). But I gave it a naive duck-duck and found this brilliant tip to "Reinstall JavaScript" to improve that performance. I'm just so speechless rn... And the cherry on the ice-cream is the link :D

I still nuke Ctrl + S so often while coding/editing a document that I sometimes think i'm just borderline maniac. This is one of those paranoid habits that has stuck with me since my early coding days, despite a majority of editors having auto save enabled. What other weird/awkward habits do you have that you cannot get rid of no matter what?

Tried to rant on Reddit. It didn't go well. I'll never cheat again!

I applaud my coworker who titled the business analytics dashboard showing end user feedback and CES values projected onto the 6 meter high wall of the office lobby.

"International Normalized Customer Effort Score Tracker"

War sucks!

I see so many freaking excel sheets where a database should have been used that I wouldn't be surprised if, at the veeeeery bottom of all things, the entire global financial system runs based on a single excel sheet made by a dude in the 90s. And since then poorly maintained.

Code snippets without dependencies ❤️

Until today, I had assumed deploying stuff to prod would NOT be one of my responsabilities in this company. Apparently that's not the case.

Had to deploy my code and pray it didn't break anything. Why is this a big deal at all?

Well you see, there is no repository. At all. No git, no svn, not even duplicate folders. No tests, no pipeline. Just a bunch of CPanels.

Had to manually copy files and folders from the development site to the production site and partially copy a database. "Just drag and drop" were the instructions I was given.

As if using CakePHP2, PHP5 and having to parse fucking Excel files wasn't bad enough, now I have to deal with one of the worst ways to deploy code.

Fuck it, I'm switching on the looking-for-job flag on linkedin.

Optimization trick.
The client shared this!

Ah the day before launch of a new app. And right on schedule the businesses is attempting to completely alter their requirements including a COMPLETE OVERHAUL OF THE DATABASE MODEL TO ADDRESS AN ISSUE THAT HAS ALREADY BEEN FIXED. I wish they would share the drugs they are clearly on so I could also live in this dreamland delusion where you can turn something completely on its head right on the finish line and expect everything to go well.

Manager: Hey I think I have a solution to that performance we talked about last week

Dev: I already fixed it, it only takes 1 second instead of 30 now.

Manager: Ok but I’ve also figured out a solution. If we completely change the entire database model that one query could potentially be even faster according to my understanding of how databases operate.

Dev: I fixed it without the need for that, actually it was just a matter of better conc—

Manager: I think we should go with MY solution. Drop everything and restructure the database immediately! Be quick, as you know we launch this application tomorrow! Have an extra coffee today and just crush it out, don’t overthink this either just do it.

Dev: …

How to say "Devrant" in Chinese:
句ヨレ尺丹几卞

...........

Nobody thought about the scenario, where you received your vax certificate via pdf on your phone and wanted to register the qr code that was inside it? Like using a screenshot of the code or the pdf itself? The covid app on my phone demands to scan a qr code using my phone's camera. Understandable, if you receive the code on a piece of paper. But what about doing it this way too?

Can February March? No, but April May!

Logic gate

So I thought to myself.
Hey I'll go ahead and use python, it will make this easier than using c++.

So I start looking at python.
And I start looking at specific common functions that c/c++ and .net all offer.

Like writing a fucking png image.
And I start seeing 3rd party libs that are at version 0.2

And so I say, this is supposedly the language data people love. which would include searching gis data too right ?

Everybody touts this level for ai and machine learning and all this other bullshit but I can't even create a fucking image ? And every document points to this same lib where it comes to creating this image ? at version 0.2 ?? 20 years or more after PNG was created ?

So I look up geotiff, and see 0.4........ so..... what is this language good for again ? I can parse json in javascript and do the other things I want...

Oh scatterplot generation ? What is it being displayed in jpeg ? Maybe the jpeg implementation is good. because you know i just use scatterplots constantly. yup. most of the data I require to analyze uses scatterplots. not risk.

fun.

oh and look django.... who the fuck uses django ?

and omg it makes me format my text or the run bombs.....

jesus. rpg much ?

I'm just... I'm not seeing...
WHY ?????????

and then I have zimmermans voice buzzing in my head about just using goddamn .net

!Dev
I found this on Quora... it keeps me awake as I struggle to find the fourth person. Yes I can see 3 persons and four bottles.

🤣😂😏

loremipsum

ng-if, ng-show, ng-options, ng-controller, ng-fuckme, ng-killmeplease

I fucking hate Angular. I don't know man I've been using NoScript since my balls dropped and I feel like JavaScript is fucking useless (I like Typescript syntactically though).

What drives me nuts is all the frameworks: Think of a word, add .js, search it up... it's theeeeere.

I know I'm not the only one who fucking hate JS, and I don't think there are many people who genuinely love it. Sorry I just wanted to rant and it's 5 a.m.

I'm switching from that thing that is 'almost done' to another thing that was also 'almost done' months ago... and now going to spend some hours just getting reacquainted with it.

:P

There is a russian cartoon called Fixiks (“Фиксики”, tiny fixers) which is about tiny creatures that live inside tech and fix it when it breaks without the owner knowing. This is a fun, family-friendly cartoon rated 3+ filled with approachable explanations of how does common tech stuff around us work: TVs, washing machines, etc.

However, there is one weird, super grim episode about one such creature who forgot to leave a TV he was living inside that is being thrown away and ending up on the scrapyard.

Having no choice but to follow his purpose, he becomes obsessive trying to fix an endless amount of broken tech there, with new broken stuff being delivered to that scrapyard every moment. After a while, he completely loses his sanity.

That episode displays what seems like a weird mix of schizophrenia and OCD. Having a psychological trauma he fails to recognize the rescue team of his own kind, attacking them. He loses his ability to talk, resorting to random screams of aggression.

This episode doesn’t really feature even a single explanation of how something works. It just is there somehow among the episodes of a casual, happy cartoon for children.

Needless to say, this is my favorite episode.

Facts you don't know...

Tag your javascript friends

*Romantic candlelit dinner*

GF: "What are you thinking about, my love?"

Me: "The chocolate custard always seems to behave differently under stress than vanilla. It has a lower base viscosity, but a similar shear thickening. I was wondering whether anyone has ever made a database of all custard brands and flavors together with their viscosities"

My brain: *Oh fuck, that's not what I'm supposed to say during a romantic dinner*

GF: "Do you wanna check whether we can find a cheap second hand viscometer.... wait.... no.... you'd need a rheometer for that, right? Do you think we could build one ourselves?"

Me: *blinks in awe*

Even after 15 years, I'm still just puzzled, she really fucking is my soulmate

Regex syntax and vocabulary when talking about it reminds me of what Scientology would look like if it had its own coding language.