Q : 1 is true and 0 is false. right??
A : 1

Me: I honestly don't care how thick a phone is and who cares if it doesn't have wireless charging...

Other consumers: I want a thin, beautifully designed phone and it has to have wireless charging, it's 2018 l, every phone needs this....

*Me watching that same consumer put a thoch bulky case that hides the phone and breaks wireless charging*

Well that makes fucking sense doesn't it...

Java + RAM = ♥️

This idea is so amazing!!!

Girl: "hey"

My Brain:
java.lang.NullPointerException:
at net.brain.functions.Talk.retrieveSpeech(Talk.java:2978)
at net.brain.functions.Talk.createFlirtyResponse(Talk.java:3132)

Me: null

*Girl walks away*

Me: *puts small piece of tape over webcam*

NSA: Okay guys, shut it all down. No way we can record from the microphone, log keys, access the file system, USB devices, network data or watch the screen. He did the tape.

Today my classmate came up to me and said he was a hacker.

I told him to prove it, and guess what? HE ACTUALLY HACKED GOOGLE!

It was amazing! He impressed so many kids in the class with his skills of pressing F12! How impressive is that?

He even wore a black hoodie and can spell his name in binary code. Not to mention, he changed google doc's page color to black and the font to green as he typed his essay.

I need to be careful... This 1337 h4x0r is really scary.

83w4r3

Got call from extremely angry customer, our product is shit and doesn't work. At all. Important customer so I went to visit.

He had the perfect setup, our product to the left, our competitor's to the right.

He connected the Ethernet cable to their product, it worked. He plugged it out and connected to ours... Nothing. Shit.

I started to debug on the premises, took logs, everything. It seemed like our product didn't receive any data at all. What the fuck? Tried everything, debugged low level, still nothing. Sweating as hell.

After two hours I got a strange feeling. So I swapped place, our product to the right, competitor's to the left. Now OUR product worked, competitor's zilch.

THE FUCKING ETHERNET CABLE HAD A GLITCH. IF YOU BENT IT TO THE RIGHT IT WORKED, IF YOU BENT IT TO THE LEFT IT WAS BROKEN.

I had never seen a customer be this embarrassed in my life. He apologized to me, my boss, his boss, the Queen, everyone.

We got the contract.

I sinned today.

I was messing with store checkout.
On Friday.
Afternoon.
In production.

My classmates are such hypocrites. They pretend to be programmers, but they can't fool me.

"Oh sorry. I can't show you the result of my html code. I have to compile it first, but there's no WiFi."

There's so many things wrong with that.

Having to submit code in a word doc... 😬

The only place where it's okie for a parent to kill its child #programming

Programming a Discord bot in Javascript and just ran it and said, "Hi, NoVegBot" in the chat. It said, "Hi, dad!" back! (Totally didn't program it to say that 😉) That moment when you put life and personality into something you code.

This is a valid point.

My view. Where I only have WiFi (barely) and can't receive calls. Unplugging again, but thought I'd share

buzzword translations:

"cloud" -> someones computer

"big data" -> lots of somewhat irrelevant data

"ai" -> if if if if if if if if if if if if if else

"algorithm" -> something that works but you don't know why

"secure" -> https://

"cyber security" -> kali linux + black hoodie

"innovation" -> adding something completely irrelevant such as making a poop emoji talk

"blockchain" -> we make lots of backups

"privacy" -> we store your data, we just don't tell you about it

This is what happens when I'm asked to document something.

Stop buying domains that you don't use you fucking idiots. Can't find any domain for my new project. But none of them are being used. Fucking retards.

ThinkPad master race!
Show us your devmate!
I start!
ThinkPad W530

Fire alarm went off at work. Firefighters are here. Forgot to commit...

Getting married tomorrow!!!
Holy shit!!

I'm kind of scared actually. But in a good way 😄

And here I am, in the middle of the night, trying to figure out why my fucking tests don't run 😄

Had a good laugh on this one

[via https://twitter.com/ElleOhHell/...]

Oh!! Nevermind!!

I had to say this
D-5 til the finals and I just got an email.

I GOT A JOB AT GOOGLE!

That moment when you realise:
money != Happiness
Stickers === Happiness

When AI meets git
- {turnoff.us}

So everyone is showing their setup, I thought why not share mine.

Pretty accurate answer I must say

"Look I found a good use of this piece of shit printer"

1. I agree to work with you on your startup idea because i believe in you.
2. I am the solo developer doing both the mobile apps, website, database and server side.
3.You call me shouting and complaining that i am too slow.

4. sudo rm -rf ~/your_project