Client: "Please make carrots with these tomato seeds."
Me: "But that's not possible."
Client: "These are strict requirements. Or we have to find someone who can."

** takes said tomatoes and makes them physically look carrots. Presents said carrots excited that I may pull this off **

Client: "These carrots are not blue like all known carrots. We've decided to go with someone else."

Ffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuu

My life hurts when I have to develop on someone else's computer and they use the "light-theme". #teamdarkside

When client calls you next day of his website launching public to complain about his site not showing on Google results.

Me: why are you using so many break tags?

Intern: Its the only way I can position this div below that form.

Me: *facepalm*

It's just not the weekend until you are asked to break protocol for a Live-At-Five Friday deploy.

Who all prefer "No Friday Deployments?"

*In Demo*
That's great but you know what would be really cool? If you changed the functionally to something I never mentioned before

When you accidentally leave a console.log in your code that goes into production that says: "I'm fucking working!!!" and notice it a year later when fixing a bug.

Love it when PM/business adds a bunch of extra tickets on the last week of a 3 week spring.

Or

I love it when business sends you a requirement, you build it, then they add more requirements that contradict the original requirements

when a client say and i quote "this site is perfect just download it and add my content,i mean half the works done so i can get ot cheaper right...."

#tells client im busy.

Project lead: We need you to do overtime tonight, we can't pay you but we have pizza...

Me: Again?

Project lead: We just want you to be committed to the product

Me: *crys into hands*

I often find that deadlines are "conjured up" with no bearing on the tasks at hand. It has to be done by this date because the Client goes to France for 2 weeks. Piss off.

Just got a response back from an API "you must authenticate to get the goodies"

when your boss doesn't understand anything you do and introduces you to people as "magic coder"...actually I think I prefer that.

When the commit message reads "changes made". Thanks asshole.

html email test sent to client:
Client: Great but I can't see any images.
Me: You may have "load images" disabled in your email client/preferences.
Client: (a few hours later) can you make it so that the images appear even if "load images" is disabled?

.push-up-bra {
margin-top: -25%;
overflow: visible;
}

I hate programming.
I hate programming.
I hate programming.
IT WORKS!
I love programming.

Having the coder anxiety, can't finish code in one sitting, getting anxious, not eating because cannot eat while in the middle of something "important". Trying to finish it anyway, getting more tired, staying up too late, losing concentration on the next day and doing it all over again...

Api with no documentation and obscure endpoints

Why do clients send everything embedded in a word document. Can you send me the jpeg? I receive a word document. (It's always word 2003 for some reason).

Lets see what you prefer! 🤔
Linux (including mac) will +1
Windows guys will Comment
Neutral once will -1

Start with the ABCs

Jobs description be like "Seeking virgins with 3 years of sexual experience" 🤔