When you're doing a demo and switch to a workspace with a green-on-black terminal with tmux on it, sending requests in a while loop and polling some output every second.

And then people (mostly devs) start posting Matrix memes in the meeting chat

Feels good :)

This always reminds me that what's a casual tool for me, for others it may be an esoteric unicorn-magic-powered super geeky stuff.

wtf YouTube

My client's using some legacy server side software. I set it all up nice and isolated with proxmox, tunneled it through cloudflare, got the folks to do their install on a windows vm, passthrough their licensing usb. Hosted GLPI on it too (system inventory) and so on.

Wait for it. Windows Server refuses to accept local or domain passwords. WTF. Even went ahead and did a Utilman reset on it which lets you use an admin cmd prompt to the login screen where you could reset the password. Insane that it was even possible, but no good.

Client blamed linux for it, I switched over to Windows Server on baremetal. I setup Hyper-V thinking it should be just as capable as KVM.

Nope.

Guess what, you can't pass through usb for licensing (the legacy software). MOFOS DECIDED TO install it baremetal. I couldn't even get hyper-v to create a decent virtual network. It keeps changing all my network adapter settings. I COULDN'T EVEN PASSTHROUGH PCIE NETWORK CARDS.

This feels like an eternally stagnated, mossy soup of abandonware.

FUCK YOU WINDOWS. You've been sore pain the ass for EVERYONE.

As a legal thing at work I need to have someone verify my citizenship by filling out a form for my I-9. They ask the person for their title. My husband can’t be serious, so he put that his title is “Keeper of the Swans”.

Here’s hoping I don’t have an awkward convo with legal over the validity of verification by a man claiming the title “Keeper of the Swans”

In his _defense_, the form didn’t let him leave “Title” blank.

we switched from GitHub to BitBucket and I saw my colleague try to run `bit status` because they thought GitHub = git so BitBucket = bit.

Had a good chuckle seeing that.

Ok so the ex boyfriend (let's call him Joe) of a friend of mine is a dumbass

He wanted to hack her phone, or whatever, so hired someone on telegram to do it. He asked her phone number and 200€.

After actually giving him the money this guy sent a ransom asking for 2k to not turn Joe in.

Joe learned a lesson.

I am sometimes thankful for the stupidity that non tech people carry with themselves. It's because of them I can make money and survive.

Me during my last performance review: So I did this, and that, which has this impact, and that impact
Some dude from the higher echelon: what you achieved is nice, but you need to contribute outside of your team too. No promotion for you!

Me during this performance review: ok, so here's what I did and its impact, and also here's my contribution to the company outside of my team
Some dude from the higher echelon: wow why are you doing all that? You need to delegate more. No promotion for you!

I love corporate life!

Keeping my face straight as I ask them why are they asking me DS&A questions for a backend development job in which damn near everything will be taken care of by a package or a special config inside of something like spring boot or netcore and where damn near most of my requests will be of the form "can thou make tis button LARGER?"

Then watching their sad faces as I terminate the interview because I don't play those fucking games for web development jobs.

Designer: Need to file a bug, I'm not getting an option to login with FaceID

Me: Oh weird bug. Is it setup on the phone you are testing with?

Designer: yes, use it in all other apps

Me: Did you get an error during onboarding on the FaceID screen?

Designer: nope no error

Me: ..... hhhmm, can you show me your settings?

Me: ... eh, says you have FaceID disabled for this app ... did you click "No" to FaceID during onboarding?

Designer: Yes, to test edge cases

Me: ................ ok ........ if you setup the app and told it to not allow FaceID to login ......... you won't get the ability to use FaceID to login .......... like .... by design .... on purpose ...... cause .... you told it to do that

Designer: No no, it needs to have a setting on the login screen to allow me to turn that back on incase I forget my passcode

Me: the fuck it does. Yeah we can't have anything on the login page that says, without authorization, change my settings

*Deep breath*

Me: Remember we had this conversation previously, where you didn't want the user to create a passcode during onboarding as it was too much friction, and wanted to do FaceID only. With your backup plan being to allow the user to create a NEW passcode on the login screen if FaceID failed .... remember that discussion we had about security? ... and how its important? ... and that we like having any? Ok so its the same reason as that, just with a different setting this time

Designer: ... hhmm i'm not sure I like this

Me: ... tough luck then, not happening

Me: oh and btw, remember we had that other talk about reproduction steps for bugs? Like when the app crashed and you told me it was because its in light mode, and nothing else at all? So disabling FaceID, is very relevant info to the problem of "I can't login with FaceID", please tell me these things first

I sometimes put "[Object object]" in input forms, in hopes of making the devs debugging it lose their freaking minds.

Just came across this gem. What's wrong with it??

Yes, the threat of SQL injection here is a legit response, but in this particular case that's not the answer I'm looking for.

Hint: This method gets called a lot!

As an interviewer, the toughest part is actually before the interviews, trying to convince recruiting teams that you are not looking for "anyone who works with computers".

Seriously, I've once heard a recruiter ask me "you want someone who knows the program language, right?", to what I answered "a couple, yes". The mouth breather looked at me astonished, askng "is there another?!?"
I'm not surprised that they shower me in piss-poor curriculums from anyone who had a Nintendo DS growing up.
Someone needs to come up with a way to hire more selective recruiters. But I guess we're back to square one when approaching this problem.

About being interviewed, the toughest part is when people do not know the salary that will be offered (usually those recruiter types) and evade the question as billionaires evade taxes.
I don't fucking care if your compensation "is so competitive it could have been an Olympian", I want to compare numbers. And if you do not have a number, I will assume the money is crap, period.

Someone blocked access to AWS RDS database and for the past few weeks I can't access the database from my machine when connected to our company network.

Created support ticket to internal IT team and someone closed the ticket. I re-opened the ticket and in the comment someone wrote "Their team doesn't handle AWS access".,

Wrote email to the director of infrastructure and that asshole replied to me asking some questions and after that his been ghosting me for past 2 weeks.

I'm tired and I don't have energy to do any more follow ups.

A recruiter's call woke me up today around noon. I'm a professional embedded developer.

We had a sprint where we removed some fields from the signup page, in order not to "scare users off" with the amount of information requested. Quite a few changes in frontend and backend alike.

Only now in the final day of the sprint (where we're supposed to deploy the changes) do we realize some of that information is actually required by the payment processor, and likely for very predictable *legal* reasons which I even questioned during planning.

Over the past few weeks, our students have had some programming exams. To relieve the pressure, I made everyone a card with a little rubber duck. Almost everyone liked them, as well as many colleagues (who also got one :D

My life lately

I do love u ranters

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Whenever I feel like I’m not good enough at my trade, I come here to read a few rants. While I am a failure, it’s so nice to know there are even more disappointing devs around.

Things just keep breaking :)

Team Lead: "Today we're going to discuss how we can be more inclusive with getting people on board with XYZ organization. StackODev, what ideas do you have?"

Me: "Uh. Not really sure. I mean, it's not like we're being 'exclusive' in any way. People can join the XYZ organization without any restraint or discrimination. They just sign up on the website and they're done. There are no litmus tests of any aspect of their demographics or beliefs."

Team Lead: "Yeah, but how do we make sure we're getting more of Wanted Group A so that it's not as much of Less Wanted Group B?"

Me: "Well, that's a different question, isn't it? That would maybe meet the diversity and equity goal, but wouldn't that defeat the inclusion goal? Isn't it 'exclusive' to put more effort into attracting Wanted Group A people and less effort into attracting Less Wanted Group B people? And at what point do we draw the line between creating an enrollment system that is diverse, equitable, and inclusive and one that favors Group A over Group B explicitly?"

Team Lead: "Why don't you shut up now and we'll get ideas from some other team members."

Can't sleep

Cheers y'all!! Hope your weekend was good and tomorrow you crank out awesome code, so the CEO can finally buy a yacht.

Hard pill to swallow:

If you get hired as a full stack dev and then complain that you're doing 3 people's (or more) jobs while getting paid for 1,

You had it coming.

2022 Dec
Everyone: hehe, ChatGPT is soo cool, it responds to me and even knows what's the capital of France is! It is really cool!!!

2023 Jun [6 months later]
Everyone: hehe, ChatGPT is SOOOO stupid! I asked it to write a microkernel with native HTTP and TLS support and it made a semantic mistake in line 98823 lolz what a PoS

A pay raise. It's creative enough.

anybody else hate AWS UX/UI

i'd like to think with all that money they could make an idiot proof one for people like me, but i guess im too much of a smooth brained outlier or it's not worth it for them

My dad got a new phone over the weekend and asked me to help him set it up (TL;DR his IPhone broke, he likely cussed out someone on the phone and now he's on android).

Setting up his bank app, I asked for his password (I somehow knew asking a 80+ year old man password questions wouldn't end well)

<pulls a card out of his wallet>
Dad: "Here you go."
Me: "This is your business card?"
Dad: "Yep. Password is at the bottom. That way I never forget it."
Me: "Jeez dad, you shouldn't have your bank's password on a business card. You don't give these out to people, do you?"
Dad: "Sometimes. Hell, they won't know what that is. Its just a bunch of nonsense."

Luckily the password didn't work. He had to reset it when his IPhone messed up and didn't remember what he changed the password to.

Me: *recommends devRant to colleagues*
Me: *now too scared to posts rants about shit at work*

Cook A:
1 - Makes a soup
2 - Leaves a mess

Company: ☺️ What a nice cook, here's your promotion to senior Cook.

Cook B:
1 - Cleans kitchen
2 - Makes soup
3 - Cleans after themself

Company: 😡 What took you so long!? Cook A made it in 1/3 of the time.

This is the pattern I've seen so far in development... and it's sad