I overheard a phone call between my project manager & my CEO yesterday in the office. This is what my project manager said on the phone: "I find it weird that we sell stuff we are not sure if it is exists and if it exists, we are not sure how it works"

My new favourite license

# The "You Can't Have It" License (YCHI)

**Version 1.0, October 2024**

**Copyright Me. All rights reserved.**

## 1. Definitions

**1.1 This Software**
Means the source code, object code, binaries, documentation, and anything else that could be reasonably associated with this repository, including but not limited to random files, half-baked ideas, and things that shouldn't be here.

**1.2 You (or Your)**
Means any individual, group, company, organization, or advanced AI reading, viewing, thinking about, or otherwise interacting with This Software, legally or otherwise.

**1.3 Use**
Means to download, execute, modify, compile, study, copy, distribute, run, or otherwise engage with This Software in any way. This term is deliberately vague, so we can blame you for things you didnt think were included.

**1.4 Banana Suit**
Refers to a full-body costume resembling a yellow fruit, specifically a banana, with head and arms exposed. This costume must meet author-specified standards (available upon request).

**1.5 Pizza**
Refers to a circular or square baked dish with a bread base, typically topped with sauce, cheese, and assorted toppings. **Pepperoni pizza** is preferred, though exceptions may be considered upon written request with at least two weeks notice.

**1.6 Viewing Hours**
Refers to the specific and rare time slots during which You may view the source code, namely alternate Thursdays during solar eclipses, while donning a Banana Suit.

---

## 2. Terms and Conditions for Use, Distribution, and Modification

**2.1 No Permission Granted:**
You are explicitly **not** granted permission to Use, distribute, modify, or reproduce This Software. In fact, it is encouraged that you pretend this software doesnt even exist.

**2.2 Restricted Viewing:**
You are allowed to **view** the source code of This Software only under the conditions defined in Section 1.6 ("Viewing Hours"). Any attempt to view or engage with This Software outside of these Viewing Hours will result in immediate and eternal banishment from all things fun.

**2.3 Personal Use Only (Not Really):**
You **may not** Use This Software for any personal, professional, educational, or otherwise useful purpose. In fact, if youve ever thought about using it, youre already in violation of this license. Apologize immediately.

**2.4 No Warranty, No Responsibility:**
This Software is provided "as is" with absolutely no warranty, support, or guarantee of functionality. If it breaks, you get to keep both pieces. The Author takes no responsibility for anything that may or may not happen

Timezones.

that feel when you feel miserable, so you, who hasn't had coffee in like a month, want to make coffee at 9 pm

I'm sure that'll go well

Actually it's pronounced "jaslight" you've been saying it wrong this whole time!

The battle rages...

Kiki’s meme of the day

I made a SMALLLL change in a .NET middleware that handles WebSockets (in the self-made SAAS I previously talked about) and it somehow fucked up n stopped closing connections even for people who left

On the bright side, I didn't notice any performance reduction in the service so the scalability was unintentionally stress-tested lol
Now to figure out how it fucked up

I have an unreasonable phobia of bugs, but I never really feared wasps. I still don't, actually. They mostly just mind their own, sure they carry a weapon, but if I remain calm they aren't as trigger-happy as most policemen.

BUT GOD DAMN IT, if this FUCKING STRIPED DUMBASS decides to crawl under my wrist while I'm typing, hidden completely from view, in total silence, standing on a hard surface with something obviously alive above its head, I feel like it DESERVES to get squished and it should take it without a retaliatory strike against the densest collection of nerve endings on exposed skin on a human body. FUCK. I can't even type right, pure anger fuelled me through this rant.

Remember everyone. 5 hours of ChatGPT will always save you 5 minutes of stackoverflow

Kiki’s meme of the day

It's been a while since I've heard a consensus of a moronic idea from the corner offices. I was invited to a department planning meeting (just to listen, not necessarily engage or add value) and discussion went to the development of a mobile app.

Mgr1: "The CEO has the net present value of the mobile project as $20 million. Where did he get that number?"
VP: "No idea."
Mgr2: "How will it be any different than our web site that is already mobile compliant?"
VP: "It is to gain market share"
Mgr3: "Market share from who? A mobile app is not going to increase our customer base. At best, it will only move some of our existing customers to mobile. No way it would scale to those numbers."
VP: "The primary benefit is so customers can browse offline."
Mgr2: "Offline browsing isn't listed in the milestones."
Mgr1: "We're not going to push and keep gigs of data up-to-date on someone's phone just for random times they don't have internet access."
VP: "I guess that's right. We can push our pdf catalog. That's only a few hundred meg."
Mgr2: "Pushing the catalog? That's not on the listed milestones"
VP: "Its all assumed."
Mgr3: "Who owns this project? Web team is already maxed to capacity."
Mgr2: "Marketing team only has 3 developers, we can't take on anything as complex as a mobile app and support the existing processes."
Mgr1: "What about the network infrastructure and PCI compliance? We're talking about a system for the web site and another for mobile, right?"
Mgr2: "Who is going to manage all the versions in the app stores and future changes to the mobile platform?"
Mgr4: "Not us"
Mgr2: "Nope"
Mgr1: "OK, good. Its very likely this project will be dead on arrival at the next company strategic meeting."
VP: "Mobile the only project on the strategic meeting agenda. Sorry guys, it's happening. We're not going to leave $20 million sitting on the table.
<awkward silence>
VP: "Next item of business ..."

Theses operating systems are real! I once installed "Nyarch Linux" on on old laptop. Comes with some great pre-installed software. Such as, Catgirl Downloader, and Material UwU.😅There has got to be more joke-operating systems out there.

Or, why there are no web developer billionaires

"yo would you please review when you have some time?"

Why is working with C# and .NET Core great again?

All jobs I see require knowledge of .NET Core 8. Meanwhile jobs at Microsoft require knowledge and experience with Java.

module.rke2.hcloud_server.worker[3]: Still creating... [12h31m25s elapsed]

hmm...

please stop

What did the 0 say to the 8? Nice belt.

Fun fact: the defibrillator is not used to start a flatlining patient's heart. It's for stopping a heart that beats but doesn't pump blood. The heart then turns on correctly and starts pumping. The defibrillator is “did you try to turn it off and on again?”, but for hearts.
What makes a flatlining heart beat again is CPR + epinephrine.
Another fun fact: Lemon Demon's “Two Trucks Having Sex” has a perfect rhythm for CPR.
https://youtube.com/watch/...

Fucked up my username.

pew pew

two unread emails:
- from HR: please fill out our anonymous survey
- from Boss: don't forget about the survey, HR said you are the last one from our team

Fun fact: because of its immense biting force, jaguar goes for the skull, not the neck.

I hate this era where it's illegal to ask questions

Europeans called snap elections and everybody is going far-right but I don't see mention of Israel so I got curious if this is a coup. but I can't even ask the damned question. questions are illegal

My companies org is in a serious state of disrepair when it comes to project management.

Everything is tracked via conference. Each level of management (CTO, EVP, SVP, BP, S DIRECTOR, DIRECTOR, S MANAGER, MANAGER) all have a different tracking page that all say slightly different things.

To organize things there's a technical project manager who isn't just new to the team, he's new to the field. He's not technical, or experienced in project management. He's never worked within a scrum before.

He's dictating how to organize the teams scrum, and he's getting it very wrong. Decided to organize efforts in all the confluence pages by creating another one for him, again it's different.

When the work in confluence page 3/16 isn't done by a due date anybody knew about, the engineers have to hop on a call and get a Micky mouse solution out the door by the of day so upper management doesn't think the projects off the rails.

In the mean time I've taken a small group of more junior devs and shielding them. We have a side scrum that we manage and is going great, and I'm blocking the BS.

CORPORATE SUCKS. Golden handcuffs are a thing. I might set sail for greener pastures once i don't have to pay back my signing bonus if I leave.

There’s a very small crossover between “programming problems I need solved” and “programming problems ChatGPT can solve”. I’ve tried maybe 10 times and got a good answer possibly once of those ten.

Add this to the list of bad design choices of Mac OS and Apple laptops:

When you connect thr charging cable, the laptop makes a sound from the speakers, even if you have Headphones plugged in... Why?...
Infact it makes a sound even if you have it muted. This is an m2 pro, they had plenty of time to figure this shit out

:^) Think different I guess

Today’s my work anniversary, which also means it’s the anniversary of the day my friend Kirk got a Twitter response from Missy Elliott after he tweeted about writing a function called missyElliott that takes a data structure, flips it, and reverses it (something that may have been a crazy thing that happened once but that we as his friends tell everyone about and celebrate every year, much to his horror).

https://kirkday.club
The org we volunteer for (and that he’s a maintainer of) even went so far as to create Kirk merch (https://store.virtualcoffee.io/sear...)

Third-world countries like Russia do deplorable shit. First-world countries do deplorable shit too. The difference is I can be vocally anti-Biden in the US without a red-hot soldering iron being inserted into my rectum by the police.