So there is this discussion about killing children in code. Someone pops in with this:
"I do remember a post from a guy who actually got pulled into an HR talk, to ask why he'd littered the code with references to killing children and removing children from their parents. Imagine trying to explain to a person who's never programmed, that Kill(parent.child)is a perfectly standard phrasing and not a latent psychosis that should be reported to the police."

First I think who is the idiot that reported this? Then I think who is the HR idiot that didn't do a google search or talk to the software manager? So many people had to fail at basic thinking for this to get this far.

Then I think also. Two things can be true at the same time. The person writing this code could also harbor latent desires to kill children. But can hide their sickness in plain sight. CS could just be a place for psychopaths to talk about the true serial killer thoughts.

I was wondering what this would look like. Maybe the psycho programmer will allocate extra hidden children that will get created and destroyed without anyone knowing the better. Maybe they only need 10 children for the code, but they allocate 100. That is 90 children they can create and destroy that only they know about.

Is balancing a tree really about cycles to read the data? Or is this some sort of karma balancing with latent desires to add or remove children with different karma leanings? Linked lists? Obviously only a psychopath would make a singly linked list.

Then I read posts on devrant and think there is probably at least one psychopath here that looks up to Anakin. We know you are here! You can't hide forever.

i ain't gonna build a tetris game for a code test for a job that might force me to work in the office. fuck that shit. code tests are a retarded way of assessing candidates.

Get passive income guyz

I am the keeper and protector of a specific joke I made up while at rock bottom, that is so dark (vantablack levels of darkness), cruel, insensitive and inappropriate in any context to any person, that I'll probably never tell it to anyone.

It's clean. It's not about sexism, racism, religion, war, discrimination, rape and other sensitive topics often joked about. It's also not gross --- it won't make you vomit. It's not personal and doesn't doxx anybody.

I don't even know if I can tell it at any dark jokes contest without being kicked out immediately.

I'll give you just one hint: it's about being in the wrong place at the wrong time. There is no plot twist like "this place is your mom's vagina" --- nothing like that. It's just about being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Any white man can come to any black man and yell “license and registration!”
By law, black man must show his document.
If he doesn’t have it, he can do a little dance called license dance, and if the moves were good, white man can choose to not rat him out.

Yo check out my new website!!!

https://localhost:3000

I feel like I'm being forced to crawl when I desperately want to fly.🥲

Long enough pretended to be a software dev. This is what I really do in daily life: https://devrant.molodetz.nl/2025061...

I destroy electronics for recycling.

Also, oftem have to destroy brand new stuff. https://devrant.molodetz.nl/2025061...

"True wireless" :p. I destroy around 60 electronics per hour. Also iPhones often. Today THE classic iPod almost. But someone stole it. It's such environment.

Dear Windows,

How hard is it to actually update and shut down? No, don't restart. If I wanted you to restart I would have chosen that option.

Sincerely,
The last decade

Idealistic vs. realistic sprint planning:

Idealistic:
p1: "Can you tell us why you think this user story deserves 9 workdays?"
p2: "Of course. We are using framework xyz for part ABC of component y, so if we were to adopt changes in this, we would need to do new test planning and adjust accordingly. The complexity is of linear time and so -"
p1: "Interesting. I had not thought about that. Let us discuss more"

Realistic:
p1: "Ok so, how long?"
p2: "um, 9 days"
p1: "k"
p2: "k"
p1: "and you?"
p2: "yeah 4 for this 2 for this 1 for this, rest is ok"
p1: "aight, meeting concluded gg"

The idealistic one can happen if there's team trust, but usually there's team dysfunction which causes for team silence and brewing of product issues later on. If only reality weren't this sad.

This is a first... My CEO made a youtube video announcing that they fired an employee (sales). I don't even know why they had to make a youtube video. The link was part of an email, just write it down in that email instead of labeling it as "small message from our CEO"

So disrespectful in my opinion.

A blackbox seo tool that was made by aliens we use says that a couple of our WordPress sites are loading very slowly, so I enable caching through nginx and increase the resources available to them through high capacity fpm pools. They scan again and almost nothing has changed with the page load score.

So I look in lighthouse, which I just learned about, and I find that several of the pages have several MB size images. So that means I'll have to mogrify the entire uploads directory to try to get the size down.

It also suggests I use avif to save a ton of data, which I'm torn on. I hate downloading an image and it not being a normal format that everything can open. But my sites are not image sharing sites, so it's a lot less annoying to the user since they will never realize they're getting an avif. That also means I will have to redo all the image links to point to the avif instead of the original, which sounds like the least fun activity ever.

Another thing that I keep seeing is that Elementor is just slow and slow page loads are part of the deal. If we have to scrap Elementor, that means I will have to be more involved in developing the WordPress sites and I really don't want to.

Svelte is if an unfinished sneeze was a framework.

TFW it's 10am... you've already watched your news, gardened, showered, and did all your laundry, and you literally had to wait for the grocery store to open so you could have your one big dinner for the day, and the postman is taking forever with that package he says will arrive today, and you also have to go to another store for some items but you're actually too sleepy to care now zzz...

now I can be the one dunking on everyone saying they're too slow! HOW'D YOU LIKE THAT

It sucks that peripheral manufacturers don't fully support Linux. I've given Linux Mint an honest and fair try and I like it for being distraction-free and unbloated as opposed to Windows. However, there are too many things that don't work in Linux, such as connecting an external VGA screen through an HDMI adaptor, or to configure a Logitech mouse. It's a deal breaker.

im shitting so so much rn. friday may 9th was my birthday🦁🎈🎂 and today is my grandpas bday so all i did for the past 3 days is eat eat and eat so now all i do is shit shit and shit

Fucking hell, Microsoft Store is the most useless abomination that MS has ever produced and instead of killing it, like they do with their other failed products, they somehow, for some reason, still keep this lobotomized pile of crap alive.

Holy fucking shit, I can't stand this corporate framework they use for this banking app on which I've been working on for 2 months.

I’ve spent the last damn month just building three basic screens, and now my very first PR is buried under 50 fucking comments. Half of them exist purely because their shitty framework has multiple versions stacked and stitched together with so many workarounds that you need so much domain knowledge that intuition or actual dev experience goes out the window.

They’ve abstracted real app development into oblivion. It’s a CRUD app, but they've over-engineered it so much they’re now creating their own problems — just so they can specialize in solving them. It's become this self-sustaining nightmare where they make themselves irreplaceable... and simultaneously unemployable anywhere else.

I genuinely have no idea what I’m doing with my life anymore. The original plan was six months here, grab a mortgage, fuck off, and go back to contracting.

Now I’m stuck questioning my sanity every time I open this project or have to listen to another lecture from my 'buddy' about how everything that I'm doing is wrong.

*Logging in my Google accout*
"Please set your phone number"
"Please set your home address"

Wow. Do you want my blood type too?

Everything is so "I don't want to do it" lately 😫

I'm doing a new strike technique called sneaky strike.

I'm not doing shit. Not even telling my boss I'm on strike.

Nobody tells him.

C'EST LA LUTTEUH FINALEEEU

so here’s the tea.

i’m a Chinese dev working in a Japanese company. they’ve got this decently sized project a full web app and backend stack and yeah, I’m handling both ends. full-stack life. not a problem. I’ve seen worse.

but the maturity level in this place? the passive-aggressiveness? is different level. have you ever worked somewhere where your coworkers act all sweet on the surface, but lowkey make it feel like everything is your fault in the most obvious way possible?

so here comes the fun part.

the Stripe exchange rate endpoint we were using? deprecated. not globally — just regionally in Japan.

i did my homework. contacted Stripe support. got the chats, screenshots, docs, confirmations, evidence, not .........vibes.

solution? easy. i integrated a third-party API that returns the same exchange rate data. built a cron job to pull and cache the values daily. stored it locally. frontend grabs the user’s currency via IP, backend returns the rate, no stress, no wasted API calls. boom. problem solved.

my manager? totally got it. said it was efficient.
but the founder? man acted like a toddler.

he flipped. said it was my fault.
told me i just "no communicate well...uh...very confuse..." like bro… what even? do I look like I own stripe or do I look like I secretly working for them? plus, i explain in full, still not understand.

he got heated in meeting, so I clapped back in the meeting: you want to argue all day and get nothing done? or you want to understand what’s going on, and let me go back to building stuff that actually works? pick one.

he didn’t like that.
pretty sure he’s shopping for my replacement now. well, doesn’t take a genius to see it.

but I’m not here to babysit egos. I’ll do my job clean, document everything, and keep it professional. meanwhile yeah, I’ve already started looking for something else.

Oracle sucks. Try to do something quickly. 1000 restrictions.

You know you're fucked when you're making coffee at 10pm

Week : 76 ( Year 1 )

How was the weekend?

What’s a gross thing most people do but no one will admit to it?

Previous Week : https://devrant.com/rants/13239372

> Press "Push" button in the IDE.
IDE: ❌ Error 😩 Unable to push branch 'dev' to origin
* Ugh. *
> Open console. Type "git push".
Console: All deltas resolved, chief. 🫡 dev -> dev

Why. Another day, another experience to prefer the command line.

the opposite to border collie is padding poodle or margin malamute

You use English because it’s the only language you know
I use English because it’s the only language YOU know
We are not the same

If I hear ONE MORE time "ChatGPT is like Google but better/smarter" I WILL choke a motherfucker to DEATH

Shampoo for women:
- heavenly papaya
- nourishing silk
- calming melt-in banana

Shampoo for men:
- badass molten lead storm
- dragon fire tsunami
- velociraptor fuckfest