— Why do you want to work at our office in Mexico?
— I want to be a señor developer.

There's this guy that sits next to me in a class.

Guy: Hey, you're a hacker right?
Me: I'm a programmer.
Guy: Can you hack into my email account?
Me: Nope, I work in a different field of computer science.

In reality, I want to give him a piece of my mind.

I already know his email so I open up the login page and enter it. I click "forgot password", and it asks for his favorite teacher's name. Keep in mind that he made this account this year.

Me: So anyways, who's your favorite teacher?
Guy: *proceeds to give me favorite teacher's name*
Me: 🤦‍♂️

I change his password and log into his account. After that, I show him and tell him about how he should keep his account secure.

He left class with a priceless look on his face.

Buzzword dictionary to deal with annoying clients:

AI—regression
Big data—data
Blockchain—database
Algorithm—automated decision-making
Cloud—Internet
Crypto—cryptocurrency
Dark web—Onion service
Data science—statistics done by nonstatisticians
Disruption—competition
Viral—popular
IoT—malware-ready device

It's 2017 and you're not allowed to complain about syntax error bugs. Get a proper tool for the job.

We don't use rocks for hammers, and we don't use notepad for coding

Boss: I can't open the website.

Me: What connection you using boss? Try to switch to LAN cable. Our office wifi a little bit wonky today.
*plug in LAN cable

Boss: Ahaaaaa! It works now. Please, next time make you develop website wifi compatible.

Me: ****

for fucks sake

This is Epic...

😂😂 Innovation

Implementing a while loop subconsciously

My boss is like: Can we use blockchain to fry an egg?

Let's use blockchain in everything, investors like that.

Client: I dont want you to rush. Okay?
Me: Okay sir.
Client: But I need it tomorrow.

Whaaaaaaat????

Android app update available! I wonder what they've changed? 🤔

Changelog: "We improved the app and made it better."

Well thanks. 🖕

5 things you will find shocking about asynchronous code:

3.
2.
5.
1.
4.

It’s funny because it’s true XD

Who else feels this way? Current mood 😔

I guess I'll just change my dad then...

True shit.

Strange how Buddha accurately predicted the ransomware attacks :/

Ok. What. ..?

+1 if you like my new laptop skin...