how to be a shitty client:
- have a legacy database where column names are misspelled and everything is nullable
- hire external help which instead of helping break the ui (bonus points for breaking the api too)
- demand a very much custom auth logic but decide to use aws cognito for shits and giggles
- demand 1hr daily meetings
- demand biometric auth with 0 knowledge of how biometric auth works (the previous devs just had a face id prompt which does nothing and retrieved email and password saved on the device???)
- message me at 2am because you don't understand how timezones work + demand a build while you're at it
- call me a "heretical pagan" because i took a day off on a holiday you don't celebrate (???)

i could go on but i think this is enough

I did it.

I finally fucked prod.

And had to do open heart surgery on the service to get it unfucked.

Shit happens. Luckily its internal prod only...

Ads are intentionally produced litter.

Manager: You want a promotion? To senior? Ha. Well, build this web app from scratch, quickly, while still doing all your other duties, and maybe someone will notice and maybe they’ll think about giving you a promotion! It’ll give you great visibility within the company.

Your first project is adding SSO using this third party. It should take you a week.

Third party implementation details: extremely verbose, and assumes that you know how it works already and have most of it set up. 👌🏻

Alternative: missing half the details, and vastly different implementation from the above

Alternative: missing 80%; a patch for an unknown version of some other implementation, also vastly different.

FFS.
Okay, I roll my own auth, but need creds and a remote account added with the redirects and such, and ask security. “I’m building a new rails app and need to set up an SSO integration to allow employees to log in. I need <details> from <service>.” etc. easy request; what could go wrong?

Security: what’s a SSO integration do you need to log in maybe you don’t remember your email I can help you with that but what’s an integration what’s a client do you mean a merchant why do merchants need this

Security: oh are you talking about an integration I got confused because you said not SSO earlier let me do that for you I’ve never done it before hang on is this a web app

Security: okay I made the SSO app here you go let me share it hang on <sends …SSL certificate authority?>

Boss: so what’s taking so long? You should be about done now that you’ve had a day and a half to work on this.

Abajdgakshdg.

Fucking room temperature IQ “enterprise security admin.”
Fucking overworked.
Fucking overstressed.

I threw my work laptop across the room and stepped on it on my way out the door.
Fuck this shit.

Open letter to any website that is trying to implement "smooth scrolling" on their website using JavaScript: stop, consider how awful it is 100% of the time, and kill yourself please.

Making python 2x faster by replacing enums with literal values.

Pros, it's faster, cons, it's unreadable.

God I miss compiled languages. At least optimizing them requires intelligent problem solving.

It's a text parser state machine transition so it's a code hot spot, so this kind of optimization is worthwhile. But it's kinda annoying.

Next is get rid of any semblance of readability and replace the match with an array index...

Timezones.

Spent 3 hours not understanding why the exact same procedure on Linux worked while not in windows. Ended up installing Linux on the windows computer.

A pizza is a real time pie chart of how much pizza is left.

I'll see myself out...

My evening: going from 8e-5 seconds to 1.4e-5 seconds.

I'm pretty happy. I'm now 3x faster than the next fastest library available.

So true

The fuck is it with the three or so "anti german" accounts?

I FINALLY comprehend list comprehensions.
I can write an unlimited amount of nested loops on a single line and make other less experienced people hate me for fun and profit.

Also learned about map() #I hate it#, zip(which is awesome), and the utility of lambdas (they're okay).

Enumerate is pretty nifty too, only thing I lose is setting the initial value of the iterator index.

Update to my "I broke prod" rant:

- I managed to unfuck it on the same evening.
- Worked fine for one day
- Crashed today morning
- Can't fix it because I had surgery yesterday and am on sick leave currently
=> Probably gonna result in me VPNing into the comp network and RDPing into the prod instance to analyse the failure

Yep, ladies and gents, more open heart surgery on the menu!

LinkedIn: You have one notification!!!!

Me: What is it?

LinkedIn: 10 types of horses that make your more employable if you don't fuck them

Me: What

LinkedIn: 10 types of h-

Me: No, I heard you, why did you send me a notification about this?

LinkedIn: You want a job, don't you?

Me: Yes, but don't send me this type of notification again.

LinkedIn: Updated your preferences!

The nefarious LinkedIn, two days later: You have one new notification!!!!!!

To anyone I offended this year:

Work on yourself so I don't gotta do it again in 2025.

Looks like I can finally post images

Being helpful and a c++ programmer has led me to trying to add a (tiny) feature to cpython.

The file I'm currently looking at is 2,000 lines long.

I have regrets...

Potential client once asked for a clone of Amazon, for $5000, in one month. I did not take the project.

Why arguing with each other while we could reunite and hunt those spammers together?