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Manager: This button is too dark, you need to lighten it. Have you no sense of design?
Dev: Hows this for an adjustment?
Manager: Wayyyyy too light now, jesus you need glasses if you think that’s good.
Dev: How about now?
Manager: It’s close, make it just a little more dark. God why does this have to take so long, do I have to hold your hand through this entire process!
Dev: There that good?
Manager: Yes that’s perfect! Send me a PR immediately so I can approve, we need to get this out ASAP, it’s critical!!
Dev: I can’t.
Dev: There’s no diff, you had me gradually adjust the colour back to exactly what it was originally.
Manager: THAT’S IMPOSSIBLE IT LOOKS COMPLETELY DIFFERENT. HOW DARE YOU INSULT ME LIKE THIS, I HAVE A MEETING I NEED TO GET OFF TO BUT WE WILL BE HAVING WORDS LATER ABOUT THIS INAPPROPRIATE BEHAVIOUR.
bitchface micromanager keeps telling me i don't communicate enough, don't do enough, am not fast enough, etc.
So i've been sending her a weekly summary of ~50 bullet points of things I did during the week, issues encountered, workarounds found, research findings, who i talked to, etc. all organized by task with links to the tickets.
My work volume hasn't increased (probably decreased, actually) but it certainly looks like I'm doing a lot. probably because i am? but she doesn't listen during standup, so... victory by a hundred bullet points it is!15
ahaha. The white Slack emoji skintone is frowned upon at $work, and we're encouraged to use the yellow one instead to be "inclusive" -- but fear not, the brown ones are totally fine.
Gotta love woke companies.22
🦫Me a kid: I hope some day I will earn enough $ to by a cool-ass PC and play games on highest graphics presets
🤡Me an adult: I sure did earn enough $ to afford a cool-ass PC though it is a shame that I cannot find time & energy to play games9
Tldr : In my country, there is always a middleman .It is so rare to work for end client directly and it is very common to be fuck over by them, because they want milk you out as much as possible
Job description : Salary range from X to Y
Me : I expect 90% of Y $
HR : if you pass technical examination we can agree on this amount.
All correct answers, perfect match with stack etc.
HR calling next day:
HR: Great job on interview, but you need to lower your financial expectation to X (around 50% of Y)
Me: Why? We have spoken the other day and you said there would be no problem with the money. I nailed the interview, I don't understand why I should agree to lower wage.
HR: I know I know, but right now we cannot give more. Maybe later
Me: I am sorry, but I feel kinda cheated. For me this is red flag since I don't know what I can expect later if you are not sincere from the beginning. I won't take your offer, goodbye.9
Boss: Our customer's data is not syncing with XYZ service anynmore!
Me: Ok let me check. Did the tokens not refresh? Hmm the tokens are refreshing fine but the API still says that we do not have permissions. The scopes are fine too. I'll use our test account... its... cancelled? Hey boss, why is our XYZ account cancelled?
Boss: Oh, "I haven’t paid since I didn’t think we needed it" (ad verbatim)
It's been a while since I posted here. My previous workplace was a 101 on how to burn out people.
But now I am working at a place where:
- People are 0 toxic.
- Sprints follow the premise "under promise, over deliver."
- I was having trouble sleeping (for reasons) a couple of months ago, and my boss literally told me, "If you can't sleep at night, take a few days, or if you can fall asleep in the morning, just sleep in the morning until you manage to do otherwise. Talk with your team and rearrange the meetings if you have and rest. "
- All pieces of the company (sales, narketing, product, data, devs) have a clean roadmap.
- Product and bizz understand when something can't be done on the next sprint and why sometimes some features are delayed.
- They pay well, even raising the pay twice to account for inflation.
- Full remote, If I want to go to the office, Its my choice.
I need to keep this job no matter what!8
Walked into the office in the afternoon, everyone was kinda panicking
Asked what was going on, well, the ticket system is not working anymore, can't put in any new tickets.
So I started to look for the issue as well, checked the system and... The last tickets' IDs were at ~32k. Ha. Looked into the source code and, sure enough, they used a data type with an upper limit of... 32k. So when trying to get a new ticket ID it just crashed and burned.
Quickly changed the data type and stopped the office panic in around half an hour.
Memorable not because of how tough the bug was, but because of the impact and the simplicity of the fix4
Coworker: "can you help me with this thing?"
Me: "sure, what have you tried so far"
Them: "nothing yet"
Hdhajsgrbeiry JUST TRY _SOMETHING_ AT LEAST BEFORE ASKING FOR HELP.
It's literally your job to solve problems, not get other people to solve them for you.
Asking for help if you don't understand something is one thing, but constantly trying to get people to show you exact examples is not doing your job.
This has been a chronic problem with one of our devs and despite advising them multiple times on it, it continues to happen.12
I told these people that this issue would happen. Did they listen? Nooo
It'll be fine, they say. We likely won't be having that much data returned to the front end, they say.
Day of the install. Web Application attempts to query 68,000 rows of data straight into the web page.
*Surprised Pikachu face* when they are consistently getting crashed browser tabs.
And now everything gets pushed back and we're behind by an entire month because they didn't heed my warnings.
Oh, and now I have to pick up after them, and do some stupid work arounds that will likely be defunct in a month or two. 🙄4
Nvidia is currently running a competition on their Omniverse platform to win a top of the line RTX card
All you need to do is create a visually impressive raytracing tech demo... which requires a powerful RTX card... to win a powerful RTX card
Dev: * In the middle of pushing to prod *
Manager: Hey btw I forgot to mention the client asked for these 5 features awhile back as a part of this update and they just reminded me about them, I haven’t created tickets yet or told anyone about this. Will these features be included in the update that’s going out today?
I give up trying to write this.
I'm just too fucking pissed off.
My interactions with my micromanager make absolutely no sense -- she is clearly just trying to piss me off and blame me for everything, facts and reasoning be damned.
I tried detailing this week's examples (there are lots, and it's fucking Tuesday), but. screw it.
Fuck working for (and with) her.
She's a bitchface and a thundercunt.
I'm updating my resume and fucking off out of here.
God fucking damnit i hate her.19
If you don't trust your employees to
work from home, you've hired the
wrong people, or your management
style needs updating. Either way,
you're the problem."
Seen on linkedin today5
Micromanager: “@Root, you need to do <thing>! It’s important, and very unprofessional if you don’t. Bad things can happen if you don’t do the thing. You need to get into the habit of doing the thing.”
@Root: Already does the thing.
Micromanager’s boss: Doesn’t do the thing.
Micromanager: Doesn’t do the thing.
Team: Doesn’t do the thing.
Micromanager: “You need to work on your reputation, @Root!”16
Managers: wE wAnT tO bE LeAn aNd MoVe FaSt As PoSsIBLe wiTh NeW FeAtUrEs
Same Managers: Can you make this icon 2 pixels smaller?! Shift this element left?! Swap out this icon?! Use a different color here?! A perfect feature and design is critical!!!!!!
FullStackClown: You can either be lean and fast, or be fucking nitpicking clowns 🤡 about this stuff and slow us all down. Choose one.
FullStackClown: Sit down and shut up7
Boy do I hate office politics...
A client asked our company to fix perf issues on their product. Our coleagues had been picked for the job [being led by another 3rd-party, as per client's request]. Aaand they dropped the ball. The deadline is in 2 weeks, nothing is working.
Mgmt engaged us to put out the fire, but strictly at the scope the other guys were working in.
On the first day of testing we've revealed an elephant-sized perf issue that's as easy to fix as brainlessly changing 4 values in config. And that elephant is masking all the other perf issues.
We got a firm NO for config changes as that is out of the defined scope. And we're asked to continue testing.
I mean, the elephant is THAT huge that any further testing is moot - all other bottlenecks are hidden behind it. And just changing those 4 values would reduce the resources required by a magnitude of ~10.
But that's out of scope...
Client is desperate, lost and honestly asking us, pros in the field, for help.. We know how to help.. It takes 10 seconds to apply the fix..
But our mgmt forbids us to step out of the scope :/
as a result we have to pretend to be dummies hardly knowing what to do and hide the truth from the customer they so desperately want.
This is frustrating. And wrong. And imo unprofessional10
Hey Root. Here’s a new ticket for you. It involves lots of things you’ve never seen before, and the only person you can ask is out this week.
Hey Root. Why haven’t you been making good progress every day? Why didn’t you reach out to the guy on FTO? Clearly you can’t communicate. Give me detailed status updates twice a day at specific times, covering <exhaustive list of topics> so I know you’re working. What do you mean “no”!?
Hey Root. Stop working on that ticket, and work on this other ticket. It’s the same thing, but different. High-priority!
Hey Root. You asking questions about that ticket pissed off a legendary golden boy principal dev, and he said it’s a bad idea and that we should have assigned it to a different team, too — you know, the team who usually works on these areas. But we might still have you do it. Please work on the previous ticket that’s in the exact same area until we decide.
Hey Root. Why haven’t you gotten anything done?11
In an effort to deal with the number of “top priority” tickets, management has come up with a new priority level, “urgent”, to help differentiate between tickets that are “top priority” and tickets that are actually “top priority”.
So as you can guess all tickets are now codified as “urgent”.
I’ve suggested management downgrade some tickets back to merely “top priority” as we’re clearly right back where we started with it being difficult to determine which order to do tickets in.
They’ve ignored my request as the bletherings of a clearly unenlightened peon, and have instead came up with a new priority, “mission critical” which will be reserved for the most hallowed of emerg— oh no wait everything is now “mission critical” who would have guessed?
So “Top priority” is the now lowest priority a ticket can have…Naturally.13
WEB FUCKING THREE
Ok, some of this shit is interesting, let's get that out of the way:
Crypto - great for doing illegal things, great for financial speculation, interesting mathematically. But as likely to replace actual currency as I am to replace the fucking Queen.
NFT - should be written on the headstone of humanity. Entirely fucking useless, planet-roasting bro-wank dressed up as a revolution in...pretending to own shit. The only difference between a Bored Ape owner and my nephew pointing at a castle and insisting that it's his, is that he isn't thousands and thousands of pounds out of pocket by doing so.
Metaverse - AR and VR have been around before this dogshit rebrand, and they'll outlive it.
No, it's not that. It's that we now have a new species of parasite - the "Web3/Metaverse" LinkedIn guru insisting that this shit is even needed, let alone the next big thing.
Web 2.0 was a stupid fucking term alright, but it did represent a new generation of technologies that were badly needed, and adopted by the entire community. Web3 is a bunch of shit that some cunts think they can get rich off, so insist that we need. I wouldn't even give a fuck but I've already spent hours of my life explaining to clients and peers that this is UTTER FUCKING BOLLOCKS, there's no need for a blockchain in your app, there's no need for a blockchain in virtually anything. Yeah if you want some fucking 3d in your app or your page I'm your man, but if you keep saying 'metaverse' I'm going to fill it with easter eggs.
None of this shit was needed before and none of it is needed after. Have you looked at web3 games? It's Steve Buscemi asking 'how do you do, fellow computer games?', it's a fucking gambling app pretending to be something a human would do. Clash of Clans and Candy Crush already cornered the market for that type of fucking mug, right now you're making the Candy Crush business model look responsible and efficient. You CUNTS.47