Interviewer: Where do you see yourself in five years?

Candidate: Well, I checked your LinkedIn... and most employees leave in two years.

Interviewer: Uh... welcome to the team?" 😂

Our scrum master planned a 1-on-1 to go over everyones tasks when he is off for 20 days (paternity leave) one day before his wife is expected to give birth

Now he is surprised this plan fell through for obvious reasons

Triggered by a spelling error in a backend API endpoint.

Must resist urge to change it.

It says "respondants" instead of "respondent".

power outage, raaaghhh

There was this one time when a coworker needed to update the Xcode.

IIRC because his Mac mini was low on storage space, the update failed && the Xcode became corrupted.

He found that out when he tried to open the Xcode, at which time he was presented w/ an error akin to:
'Xcode was found to be corrupted && was moved to the Recycle Bin'.

C: 'Good, it belongs there!'.

I had a suggestion a week ago. I was told to do a different (simpler) approach. The current approach doesn't work and I'm about to point out the problem basically means I've got to go do what I originally said.

We just had a server outage this morning and my colleague was heading to the office. He was already in a meeting on his phone and got stopped by the police for calling while driving.

He got a fine, lost his driving license for 2 weeks and has to go police court for it. That's an expensive server outage for him

Mmmmm drunk food 🐓🦃🧀🥯🍳

Managers decided that the support contract with one of our most important third party servers is not worth the money.

Take a guess which server caused an outage for all customers twice already :D

CEO is blaming a frontend bug for a backend outage. The server simply did not scale with new active clients ))))))

I'm changing my coffee breaks at work for nap breaks.

Inspired by jestdotty's comment:

> *makes spooky JavaScript noises*

What would be a noise or sound that most accurately represents JS?

I‘ll start with two suggestions and we can vote for the most fitting one.

The industry is so incredibly demanding beyond measure.

Please be proficient in:
- Java, C#, Python, TypeScript, ReactJS, AI, UX, COBOL, AWS, DevOps, security, SecOps, Linux, Unix, System Administration, Database Administration,...

Yeah? Give me six years then before you try to overload me with stress in having to deliver top quality code using these.

I actively try to diminish stress in my life and the major cause of stress is my job.

Cars 1 was NOT released 19 years ago. No, it just wasn't. Fuck you, it wasnt. I dont care about your facts. It's all fake. You're litearlly just lying. No it cannot have come out 19 years ago. It just couldn't have, thats way to long ago. You're just weird. Calenders are just wrong

What is your longest remote desktop chain. Mine is currently at five!

HomePC-WorkPC-JumpStation-FARM3-OperatingPanel

Sometimes we are ping pong balls being smashed from one side to the other. This is me, I'm currently studying a technology. Oops! Change of assignments! Plz study new tech! Ok thanks for the constant context-switching.

I miss when software was written by programmers and not ideologues. I don't care what you believe, even if I believe it too. I just want tools that work.

I realized that I am old enough now that the first answer to "name a toy adults use in the bedroom" that comes to mind is: Kindle

Apparently, caffeine is now considered harmful.

Thanks, EU

(I know it mostly for pesticides/non-food right now)

I don't understand how having chickens or burning tires is against the law, but making industrial levels of noise at all times of day is perfectly acceptable.